Knock Clock
A winddial is a sundial of chimes, when the wind blows the tone tells the time
Its Duckstack o’clock
We are pleased to announce that we now run on nuclear power, the power of nuclear bombs. We have planted a nuclear bomb under each of your seats to encourage you to read The Duckstack1. Studies show nuclear power is many times more efficient than regular power, so we’re giving it a shot. We have taken no safety precautions whatsoever, because someone told us that those are “for sissies”. We did consider it briefly anyway2 but found that some of those rod controllers can be millions of dollars, which doesn’t seem worth the cost. Our chief scientist asked himself, “would you pay millions of dollars for a seatbelt?” and off we went3. Anyway I do have a little safety pamphlet the bombs came with, I’m going to skip most of it, nearest I can tell the important part is basically just don’t push the red button. Or the blue button. Don’t push the yellow button either.
Hit pickup lines
Hit her with these, she won’t know what hit her
before we get to the Formal Part of the duckstack, I have some pickup lines for you.
“Here, let me help you up.”
🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻🛻
“up you go!”
“Watch out, there’s a landmine4 underneath you!”
“Hey, does your truck need a lift?” (if you are driving a car carrier)
“hello I am Grug come with me (hits her with a club)
An assembly line that makes pickup trucks
“Hey baby, did your pickup truck get hurt when it fell from heaven?”
🛻💥🛻💥🛻💥🛻💥🛻💥🛻💥🛻
Well Well Well
What had we here?
When I think about Russia, and especially the USSR, I picture a sort of despondent, lifeless people, surrounded by angst and drowning their grayscale lives in vodka. And they are fervently Atheist, almost militantly in fact. Though not in the Darwin sort of way, but in a disinterest so sincere that they avoid the stuff the way you might avoid a cockroach.
The United States, at its most flourishing, was its most religious. In a time of unprecedented5 technological discovery, atheism was nearly unheard of. Religious revival in New York, BAM- The steam locomotive. BAM- Television. BAM- internet, BAM- Gas cars capable of in excess of 100 MPH. BAM- Flight. And all this technology didn’t replace religion. Men didn’t put their faith in their emerging technology, but were in fact more religious for it. What this tells us is that men seek God in the good times, and it is during the bad times that men turn to irreligiosity, to cope6.
In Right wing spheres we sometimes talk about man’s “vitality”, and it seems in many instances this is in fact directly correlated with faith. Particularly because vitality leads to seeking out new frontiers, including theological ones, in a spirit of almost jubilation.
Yet our society is in clear decay, and our spiritual state is sloped to match. The United States is quickly becoming one of the least religious places in the world, and in most sectors scientific and technological progress has utterly stopped.
I believe this is a chicken and an egg problem, meaning that if you fall into sin and turn getting plastered drunk into your main hobby, you will become atheist, and if you become atheist (whether based on reasoning, offense, or some other root) then getting plastered drunk will quickly become your main hobby. Or if not getting drunk, then it would be something else, some other sort of general spiritual malaise. As with everything, I am sure there are degrees of exceptions to this, but a quick survey of people I know in real life shows this pattern is exceedingly reliable.
The moral of this story is that if you are seeking God in despair, it is often way too late7. It is during the good times that you must most actively remember the Lord, and make the most effort to invite him into your life. The holy spirit flows less hindered upon happy veins, when you don’t have to clear your troubled cobwebs with an exercise of faith. It is during peace that you must thank God the most, during the times of plenty when you must practice religious habits. When you do this, then when the 7 years of famine come, you will have enough to spare, and the kingdom you’ve built will have prosperity even in suffering, just as Joseph in Egypt.
hishory
The toddler seems to think “Dinosaur T-Rex” just means “cool”
When my wife went to get the toddler from his crib, he happily requested “kishes” and my wife was like “Kisses? Okay! kiss kiss kiss kiss.” and then he looked very pensive and a bit exasperated and said: “akulabulabu….. gold-kishes.” (goldfishes)
The toddler had a sick day and he was very miserable so I gave him a piece of laffy taffy to cheer him up and he was so miserable that instead of eating it he just rubbed it in his eyes which did not make his day better. I should have known better
Our toddler’s favorite shoes are the spiderman ones. We went to a museum and the toddler saw a giant picture of a spider and pointed excitedly and said “A spiderman shoes!”
I don’t know what happened but the toddler has brought me a domino in tears, begging me to “open it”
My wife, thinking of that nursery rhyme (girls are made of sugar spice and everthing nice) asked aloud “what are little boys made of?” and Jethro chimed in from the backseat “um, plastic?”
My wife was driving Jethro around and asking him about logistics, like “do you want to go to home depot or costco first?”, and Jethro said “that could work, that just leaves one question: how do mosquitos turn into dogs?” It… does leave that question. Doesn’t it.
Breaking Sprinkler Heads: A Review
Many of our readers reached out to us asking about this exciting homeowners activity, and we are here to give you the picture! Read on!
Many houses these days, though not all, come equipped with sprinkler systems, which, when turned on water the house’s lawn, enabling it to grow as if there was more water in the area than there actually is. Each individual sprinkler is composed of a sort of node which connects to the main water pipes, and at the top of the node is a sprinkler head, which (for most models) pops out under water pressure, allowing the water to escape in an arcing pattern. These sprinkler heads are never made anything other than plastic, and as such are never more durable than plastic. It is kind of like relying on a milk jug to perform fundamental duties for your house.
We’ve broken our share of sprinkler heads this week, so I would just like to say the process of actually breaking them is fairly satisfying. They crunch with a pleasant crack, and often do not break the node or main pipe when being destroyed, reducing the effort required should you choose to replace it8. Under pressure, broken sprinkler heads fountain instead of spraying, adding an attractive water feature to the yard, and in general this massively increases the water volume per second the broken sprinkler is able to achieve.
All in all, I would have to give breaking sprinkler heads four stars- not much to improve on! I guess I can think of several “nice to haves” such as filling the burst sprinkler with confetti or gunpowder for a more impactful experience, but as far as breaking sprinkler heads goes, it gets the job done, and it gets the job done right.
FBI: This is NOT a threat, this is a “narrative device”
What man of you is without sissiness let him cast the first stone
Have you *seen* The Duckstack’s budget? Me neither.
“Watch out! There’s a nuclear bomb underneath you!” if you’re trying to pickup someone who’s reading The Duckstack
That we know of. Hyperborea was deeply Christian as well, of course
“You're atheist? What are you coping over?”
Mormon 2:11 Thus there began to be a mourning and a lamentation in all the land because of these things, and more especially among the people of Nephi.
12 And it came to pass that when I, Mormon, saw their lamentation and their mourning and their sorrow before the Lord, my heart did begin to rejoice within me, knowing the mercies and the long-suffering of the Lord, therefore supposing that he would be merciful unto them that they would again become a righteous people.
13 But behold this my joy was vain, for their sorrowing was not unto repentance, because of the goodness of God; but it was rather the sorrowing of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin.
14 And they did not come unto Jesus with broken hearts and contrite spirits, but they did curse God, and wish to die. Nevertheless they would struggle with the sword for their lives.
As opposed to, say, ripping out the entire sprinkler system.