Basement Complacent
The rooms never change positions. Isn't that a bit... Dull?
I have a duckstack
Another Thursday Duckstack? When will it end? Why are you asking me?
There are a few types of bed. Waterbed, for example. I think you can also have beds of feathers. But think about it. Just think about it. If you can have a bed of feathers, then why not ducks? Why not sleep on a bed of ducks? Why not sleep on a bed of ducks stacked on top of another bed of ducks? What are you thinking? What are we, as a nation, thinking? Do we not see the potential?
Duckstack Science: The Law of the Jungle
Its a jungle out there.
Uh… What’s going on. There’s no law here? Everyone’s just doing whatever. Am I missing something? We came out to the jungle to examine its legal structure but every animal and tree we try to interview just runs away or ignores us. How are we supposed to know if we’re breaking the laws? There don’t even seem to be any judges. I heard all this stuff about the law of the jungle but I can’t find any law. Is this a prank? I’m going home, this has been a total waste of time.
HOW TO LUCID DREAM
Going woke1
Have you ever slept? If you have, you may have experienced something scientists call dreaming. Dreaming is when you imagine all sorts of stuff and don’t even know it. This is crazy. Presumably you would rather be sane. What is to be done?2 The answer, is to lucid dream.
Lucid dreaming is when you mid dream realize you are dreaming, thus asserting dominance over your subconscious mind, ruining the dream it was serving you, and being able to control it. When you know you’re dreaming, you can capture some of the benefits of the sleep state, such as heightened emotion, more realistic imagery, etc, without dreaming about stupid stuff. Because you can control you dream.
The basic way this is done is through pavlovian training your subconscious to tell you if you’re dreaming. It isn’t all that complicated, you just need to build some innocuous habits so that your subconscious will perform them while you’re dreaming. The most low-tech way of doing this is by performing “reality checks” throughout the day.
Reality checks are simple tricks that work normally in reality and don’t work at all in dreams, so that you’ll realize you’re dreaming. Some simple ones are looking at clocks twice to see if the time changes, interacting with technology to see if it works normally, plugging your nose to see if you can still breathe, trying to read books, looking at your hands, or trying to push a finger through a hand. In a dream, you can totally push your finger through your hand. Then you can practice flying or shooting fire from your hands or whatever it is you want to do in lucid dreams that you can’t do in real life. I can shoot fire from my hands in real life so I don’t have a lot of use for this stuff, but maybe it will be useful to you.
You can also buy like $500 goggles that will spray lights into your face once you’ve fallen asleep, disorienting you into recognizing you’re sleeping. If you’re lazy.
The interface between dream and consciousness is fuzzy at best so flying in a dream may not actually be easy. You kind of have to pursuade your subconscious to let you do it. And if you push too hard or get too excited you’ll just wake up, so you have to cultivate a sort of ambivalence about your own imagination. You want to keep your lucidity levels at like 60-70% in order to keep the dream coherent.
There’s other techniques out there too but I figure most of you are just beginners at dreaming. OH one thing I forgot, is that its really important to keep a dream journal. When you wake up you need to write down your dreams or recite them to a recorder or something instantly because, like spiritual impressions, they’ll just fade if you don’t try to hold onto them. This is also important for starting dreaming in the first place, since most people forget their dreams *instantly* upon waking up, and say they “don’t dream”. If you want to lucid dream you have to start dreaming first. Making it a priority to remember them for a couple minutes basically fixes that problem by itself, but if you’re really struggling take some glycine, a supplement known for making dreams a little more vivid. You should be keeping a journal to record spiritual impressions after prayer anyway. So just get another one, surely you have like 80 basic lined notebooks lying around.
Happy dreaming! Or sad dreaming if you prefer. Lucid dreaming is good for stopping nightmares. Or starting them, if you prefer. Good luck!
Ghost busters
Busted
Ghosts are alright, but personally I find them kind of annoying. The way they all float around your head and stuff. Ghosts are 5mm, and they tend to congregate around you when they know you’re focusing hard on something. Ghosts glow softly, and are curious. Ghosts are magnetic. Ghosts do not like loud music, or soft music. They prefer music that is just right. The biggest ghost ever recorded was two inches. Ghosts are silent, but they can tickle. One thing to know about ghosts, is to never give them spicy food. Ghosts are stretchy. Ghosts are also elastic, and if one is giving you trouble you can just pull it and launch it away. Ghosts can’t go through walls unless they’re going really slow. Ghosts do not feel pain. Ghosts are nonsentient, like jellyfish. Ghosts breathe air to move, but don’t need it. Also, ghosts like to play on keyboards. Goodbye, ghosts.
History
Too sick to make history, not sick enough to skip the history section
The baby came over and started poking mama in the eye. Mama told the baby “baby, that is not cuddles.” and the toddler said “Yeah. that is poking the eyeball.”
Told the toddler “You’re such a contrarian!” and he replied “No, I’m handsome.”
toddler bringing us his socks held between two shoes on his hands: “I’ve got the socks! They’re in my shoes!”
Ducksnax
Valentine
ττττττττ previous duckstack ττττττττ
its been one year since I last wrote a guide on this, but I am sick so I’m just writing another one.
Besides, I guess, never sleeping