duckstack is the best disinfectant
Readers, have you noticed the letters are getting… Louder? All letters make sounds, of course, that’s always been true1, but recently the sounds they make have been just a little more pronounced, which many readers are describing as harsh and uncomfortable. Well good news: we have traced the issue back to our printing press, and found that the letter blocks were starting to get old. The wood was creaky, and when it would smear the ink onto the letters that creak would cause just a little bit of noise pollution.
Thankfully, we caught it in time, and The Duckstack is once again being produced in a soundproof environment hidden in a cave in the Himalayan Mountains, and the Duckstack technician who identified and fixed the problem has been executed to preserve the sanctity. The offending blocks have been burned, the smoke rising as an incense offering to God, and new blocks were cut from the eternal Duckstack tree in the temple oasis. It is crazy how such a little glitch can cause such a long process! For new initiates, this sort of thing happens once in a blue moon, so you should be free to focus on your studies, and welcome, to The Duckstack
Mettle
What is metal, anyway? Our best guess: Rocks
Friends, readers, a strange thing has come to our attention. Its called metal, and nobody is talking about it, despite it being everywhere. Think about it, when was the last time you and your friends got together to discuss metals? Well, after this Duckstack is published, its sure to be soon, so lets get you prepared. There are different types of metals, and if your friends decide to test you, you’ll need to be ready.
Tinfoil: Tinfoil is a metal (I think,) which is used primarily in cooking, and is quite shiny. It seems certain that tinfoil is a highly useful item, however, when thrown as a sheet it has quite a bit of wind resistance, and is very light, making it a poor weapon. Even if you crumpled it in a ball, it wouldn't hurt at all if someone threw this at you. 4/10.
Titanium: Titanium, named after titans from greek mythology, is best known for the same thing: being totally fake. Think about it- a metal that sturdy? Seems too good to true, especially when compared to tin foil. A pleasant fantasy. But as long as we’re here, someone clonks you on the head with a chunk of titanium. How do you feel? Hurt. Both physically, and emotionally. 3/10
Mercury: Only a metal on a technicality, mercury is even less useful as a projectile than tinfoil. Its only redeeming quality is that its extremely poisonous, so before you throw some at someone, ask them to hold their mouth open. 5/10
Plutonium: I don’t think it really makes sense to classify this as a metal either, because its main feature isn’t that it makes good nails, but rather that it is more radioactive than the sun2. It makes sense to view it in this sense more as a flashlight, that is on fire. But yes, if you threw some at someone, or even better shot it out of a cannon, I think you could probably do some burn damage at the very least, so Plutonium gets a hearty 7/10 from me. You can dispute these ratings if you want, but you have to have had someone throw one of these at you before you’re really entitled to an opinion.
Friends In High [sic] Places
They say that power corrupts, but how much of power is just standing around in leather all day? Really makes you think.3
I do not think people should riot and burn things down. Some people don’t. We can agree to disagree, but there is something curious: leftists never bother correcting their own except to tell everyone to “be leftist louder” Imagine if a conservative were to bomb an abortion clinic, most conservatives would decry the perpetrator: “that’s horrible, how evil!”, but leftists do not treat their own this way. If a leftist were to bomb some conservative institution, the media and democrat response would be “well maybe the bomber went a little too far, but isn’t his feelings understandable and valid? The real tragedy is that it has come to this” Or to just not acknowledge it at all.
I’ve seen many times conservatives in the name of principle throw their friends under the bus. Even when the friend was merely accused of wrongdoing this happens (but frankly it shouldn’t matter even if they really had done something wrong. We’ve all done something wrong, right? Not you of course. But the rest of us.) Attacking your friends publicly in the name of principle isn’t virtuous. If your loyalty can be “bought” on principle then all the devil needs to do is make it so evil appears to align with your principles or for good to appear to be in violation of them.
At some point conservatives imbibed the meme that nepotism is bad. So you see a lot of conservatives advocate for things like nonpreferential hiring and even affirmative action and such. All this does is kneecap them- leftists clearly don’t abide by this, and in fact if you look at nearly every leftist in every position of major power, you find that they basically got their position through some kind of sex-based favors system.
Yoel Roth Led twitter’s “Trust and Safety” team for a couple decades, meaning he was the chief executive in charge of censoring conservatives in one of the largest social platforms in the world. What is his background? He wrote a Ph.D thesis on how grindr makes it easier for gay people to have more one night stands with strangers. I’m not kidding. He was a “researcher” at college, and then he was senior manager of twitter moderation. I’m not kidding.
Sam Bankman-Fried, the second largest donor to the democrat political party, literally right after George Soros, was a crypto entrepreneur with wall street ties who set up some sort of a “cryptocurrency exchange” startup that immediately received a zillion dollars in funding, which he blew on hookers and crack, and distributed among his polyamorous sex cult. The problem was Sam forgot to save some of that money to actually provide liquidity for the assets they were banking so when people tried to withdraw their crypto the entire company went bankrupt and Sam is currently on trial for up to 110 years in prison. All of his weird free love sex relationships were mysteriously company executives.
Last month, not one but two videos of different senate staffers having actual gay sex on the actual senate hearing floor were filmed and released to the public. Their defense: we are being shamed for who we love. I’m not kidding.4
Keith Haring is an extremely famous artist, known for drawings of stick figures. I’m not kidding. His crappy works sell for tens of thousands of dollars, and his well known works for… a lot more than that. His main distinguishing trait is that he was gay and wanted to “speak up for gay men who have aids”, and these two things were enough to put him in the same museums as Leonardo Da Vinci.
Kamala Harris is rumored to have basically slept her way to the presidency. I don’t know how true this is nor care to investigate, but when Hunter Biden’s laptop contents were released we definitely found plenty of “weird sex stuff” and explicitly trading favors, such as an email to a chinese businessman saying “I’ll help you meet my dad if you give me a cut of the profits”. We also found emails showing he calls his dad (the president of the United States) “pedo pete”. Hunter Biden also is (randomly) on the board of the largest Ukrainian oil company.
Which brings us to Jeffery Epstein, who we are given to understand was a pedophile kingpin, of sorts. A central link holding a lot of rings together, Epstein was arrested for trafficking girls and then all the security cameras in his cell went out and all the guards went on break and he was found hanged to death, whoops. His plane was called the “lolita express”.
Glisaine Maxwell is currently on trial in lieu of Jeffery Epstein, who is dead. She was his right hand man5 and would groom girls to give “massages” and other sexual favors to visitors to his island. They were really quite wealthy. Why were they so wealthy? Apparently Epstein started a bank with a rule to only service billionaires. And then he was magically a billionaire himself. It is up to us who pick up the pieces to determine which between the sex trafficking and the money came first.
Madison Cawthorne, a Republican, had a ton of negative press hit him in 2022 alleging he was gay, sexually degenerate, fake christian etc basically a month after he mentioned on a podcast that he had been invited to an orgy with members of congress and had seen them do cocaine. Miraculously, a bunch of women also popped up out of nowhere ready to allege he had engaged in sexual misconduct with them!6 I don’t know how squeaky clean Madison is, but I do know that God has said that all books will be opened, and there is nothing secret which shall not be revealed and shouted from the rooftops. As my friend said in the X tweet at the top of this section- blackmail is the currency of the regime, and your virtue is the only thing you have.
https://twitter.com/MJTruthUltra/status/1738412428000456714?s=19
The Book of Mormon is a book written by prophets for our day, and a full quarter of the book is devoted to explaining corruption in Nephite government- that a clique called the Gadiantons would infiltrate the government, signal allegiance with each other, and in general through blackmail take control of the society. Tim Burchett is an R congressman happened to describe exactly this in a recent interview. According to him, congressmen will be specifically targeted for romance by an agent who will seduce you into a compromising situation, and then months later you will be a key vote:
Some well-dressed person comes up and whispers in your ear, hey man, there's tapes out on you. Were you in a motel room on whatever, with whoever? And then you're like, uh-oh, and said, you really ought not be voting for this thing.”
I have read that the FBI has an offical, named protocol, for scraping your web search history to identify what kind of porn you like in order to calibrate their seduction entrapment operations. Its interesting to think about. I will probably never be in a situation where adultery is even on the table, but assuming I got my hands near some real lever of power, how would I respond if someone shipped me my perfect brand of heroin? Borrowing a line from the twilight series there. In a total surveillance state it is easy for someone to figure out your exact set of vices. How strong would any of us be if someone was trying to give them to us?
It isn’t all sexual, of course. Claudine Gay, president of Harvard, was recently shown to have plagiarized, completely, her entire thesis paper and many others. President of Harvard. How? Not merit. Not money.
Volodymyr Zelensky, the president of Ukraine, started his career as an actor. In fact, most of his cabinet were the producers for his shows. They got some funding and now they’re running all of Ukraine. How? Not merit.
Republican candidate Kari Lake, recently had audio leaked where she was being bribed not to run for senate. “name a number”, the republican party chair told her. She declined, and he told her that if he tried to get out he would get assassinated.
These are just a few high-profile ones recently. And I don’t want to be construed as saying Republicans don’t have “weird sex stuff” or are immune to corruption. But I do want to emphasize that all this corruption is possible because this system selects for it. It is easy to transfer money and power, ridiculously easy in fact, but it is not easy to do this legally, so the shadow cabals get more power than the honest people. That's one of the advantages of like, a monarchy I think. If the king or a noble favors you then they just favor you, its explicit. Everyone gets it. But then a beautiful thing happens, which is that because it is formalized, manners and social rules develop around it. It becomes self-regulating.
23 Wherefore, O ye Gentiles, it is wisdom in God that these things should be shown unto you, that thereby ye may repent of your sins, and suffer not that these murderous combinations shall get above you, which are built up to get power and gain—and the work, yea, even the work of destruction come upon you, yea, even the sword of the justice of the Eternal God shall fall upon you, to your overthrow and destruction if ye shall suffer these things to be.
Sightoscopes
Do you see? If so, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Sorry about that. We know you didn’t ask for it.
You may have realized that you have eyes in your head, and if you have paid close attention to the eyes in the heads around you. Eyes come in different shapes and sizes, and these shapes can affect your capacity to see. For example, if your eyes are square, you might be nearsighted, but if they are rectangle, then you will almost certainly be farasighted7. Also, everybody’s eyes are upside down.
What kinds of sight are there? Well, there's nearsight, farsight, and hindsight. I have heard some blind people can also develop echolocation, where noises they make bounce off of things and then vibrate their sensitive eyelashes, allowing them to “see” where things are. If your sight is perfect, you are said to have 20/20 vision, because 20 is the maximum number of objects a human mind can comprehend at once, so if you have good vision its twenty out of twenty.
Its also possible, when hit in the head or if your eyeball8 was a triangle, to have “double vision” (sometimes called 40/20) and it means seeing everything multiple times. I know what you're thinking, “if seeing something once is good, wouldn't twice or even more be better?” and this is a compelling thought, but scientists actually say the answer is no. The doubles aren't actually “there” and so by having incorrect information, its actually worse than if you had less. By this logic, we can deduce that the ideal vision is 1/20, a state the scriptures call “an eye single to the glory of Christ”
history
My kids are doing well. Their energy increases each day. This is a bad thing.
For some reason9 our children are extremely pedantic. My wife went to change a diaper and was like “lets change your bum!” and Jethro corrected her. You can’t change that. It doesn’t come off.
Later we told the toddler he was looking so big! And he told us “I not big. I a <firstname>.” and then he ran off.
Jethro told us that he could go to church even though he was sick because “Its okay. I can control my sickness sometimes.” Apparently he meant he could cough into his sleeve.
Jethro, out of nowhere: “Do you know what turns into a ball? Armadayos! They just roll around!”
“Mama, where are you? Of course you’re on the potty.” Well. He was right. Never get mad at your kids for correct pattern matching.
Duckstack Cooking: dump cake
We haven’t cooked anything in a while. You must be famished.
I’ve got a really easy recipe for you this week, its called dump cake, and its generally speaking about 2.5x better than just regular cake, and a lot less effort. I’m not kidding, its very easy, you just need to get some cake mix and canned pie filling. Its not cheating, its what they’re for.
Ingredients:
1- dump
2- cake
3- butter
Instructions:
Butter or grease the pan or whatever, or don’t, it doesn’t matter. Grab some pie filling like cherries or whatever, and dump it in the pan, or pot, or plate, it doesn’t matter. Open some cake mix. It doesn’t matter what kind. Put it all on top, then slice butter or spray butter or however you want to put butter “fairly evenly on top of it”. This is the most technical part. The butter will melt, wetting the cake dough, but the cake dough and slop topography will make it run unevenly, so to ensure the best spread and the least powdery texture you want to put the slices fairly spaced, if you’re normal this is like an inch or two between each slice.
Then: Cook it. I don’t know how long. If I knew how to cook, would I be making dump cake? Its delicious though, don’t worry. Well worth the minute and 30 seconds it takes to throw together. You will never eat anything else ever again.
Ducksnax
Contact
except for like, H or something
I haven’t checked this it just felt good to say
What's tonight’s duckstack about? That's right, fetish cults.
I didn’t really care because I’ve always kindof figured democrats were having satanist orgies in washington daily anyway, but it does come hot on the heels of some real couch fainting over MAGA protestors “desecrating the hallowed halls of the government” on January 6, which is kind of poignant for me
woman
I haven’t looked into his circumstances but generally speaking when a single guy hits on a woman, that’s sexual misconduct
not to oversimplify
such as it were
Not me