Inverse Rehearse
The stretchiest substance I can think of is gravity
Rest in peace, Alfred The Chief Duckstack Technologist1
Or if you’re upside down, Goodbye from The Duckstack!2
You can experience the thrill of trying to brake and it not working all the time3
DON’T get discouraged. Everyone does this.4
“wow, you can be patient with people who love you and heap adoration on you constantly? I’m so impressed” -Jesus5
I know a lot of marriages that started off rough and then became wildly successful relationships after they muscled through it6
Florescent Light bulb, weed whacker, piece of rebar, rake, sledgehammer7
One of the largest joys a parent experiences is stumbling on your kid playing on his own.8
Duckstack is a dish best served cold
Welcome to the Duckstack everybody! the date is July 18, sometime in the 2020s. The weather outside is hot and beautiful, or cold and dark, and there are bugs absolutely everywhere. There might even be some in today’s Duckstack! I hope not, haha. That would be terrible. And embarrassing.
UPDATE: a bug has wound its way into the Duckstack printing press’ gears. Not to worry, chief Duckstack Technician Alfred is on the scene!
UPDATE: The bug has lured Alfred into the gears of the Duckstack Printing Press.
UPDATE: Chief Duckstack Technician Oswald is on the scene!
UPDATE: Oswald has flooded the Duckstack Printing press with RAID and multiple other highly toxic anti-bug chemicals. Its looking like its going to be a close one for the bug!
UPDATE: The bug has reached and equipped the Emergency Duckstack Printing Press Gas Mask.
UPDATE: Oswald has lured the bug back into the Duckstack Printing Press, using a combination of honey bread and insect pheromones. And Oswald’s got a massive flyswatter. Golly, I’ve never seen one this size. Its not looking good for the bug!
UPDATE: The bug has been slain. The bad news is The Duckstack Printing Press only prints in reverse now. Hopefully this will cause no inconvenience for our readers. Chief Duckstack Technician Oswald is running it anyways. Everyone, act natural. Nothing is wrong. Welcome to The Duckstack!
how to drive a stick
So you’ve got a car, why not learn to drive it?
Driving a stick shift is like riding a bicycle, except with multiple seats, and three peddles, and it has fire inside it, which most bikes don’t. So first, sit down in your car that has manual transmission. You probably didn’t need to be told to do that actually. Lets skip to the nitty gritty. To drive a stick, you should orient yourself. The gas is on the right, the brake is on the left, and the other brake is on the other left. This other brake is very important, you should think of it like a bicycle brake that has had the wires cut.
You should also be conscious of “the stick", which is the doohicky to your right, if you’re american, or to your left, if you’re driving on the wrong side of the car. The stick is kind of like shifting gears on a bicycle, but instead of clicking a button to get the chain to go up or down, you take this arcade joystick thingy and punch in various konami codes to select your gear level. Don’t worry, these aren’t cheat codes, and aren’t illegal. You are pretty much guarantied to lose the game of driving if you don’t put them in, in fact.
So anyway, driving a manual is all about being really good at typing in these codes with the joystick. Oh also don’t put in the codes until you’ve hit the other brake to cut your cars wires or you’ll die.
So hit the other brake, put in the code to the right or wrong gear, really whatever you feel like, and that’s it! But watch out, because the other brake doesn’t like it when you change gears like this, and it will attack your engine if you don’t release it slowly (as a sign of trust). Distract it by equally slowly pressing the gas as you release it. If you’re lucky, you should start moving. Driving a stick is all about luck. Oh also, if the other brake is released without enough distraction, your car may stall, which means you have killed it. Buy a new car and start over.
Germ Theory of Toxic People
It seems evident that most Millennials think mental health spreads by miasma
You should practice patience against toxic people rather than cutting themselves out of your life because all that does is make you weak and sniveling and unable to negotiate with people who take effort. By cutting “toxic” people out of your life it seems at best what you’re doing is atrophying your social immune system and losing any chance of developing antibodies.
Like all principles, this can be taken too far, I don’t mean that you have to let tweakers into your house to “practice patience”, that’s just overlifting anyway. I’ve heard lifting more weights than you can handle is bad for you and doesn’t actually make you strong, but you shouldn’t be focused on puny lifts for your virtue either.
If you’re too conflict avoidant, you can end up thinking extremely normal things are “conflict”, cutting out relationships out that are actually really important and valuable out just raw narcissism. Relationships that take effort to maintain can actually bring a lot of value- or even more value than easy relationships.
In fact there are whole plateaus of experience that many people will never experience, because they are simply unwilling to do the work required to render various experiences non-awkward.
history
Happy Birthday Duckling Jethro, who is now 4. There were many times we weren’t sure if he would make it this long, and while it could turn at any time, he seems happy and energetic.
We're in a hurry but Jethro needs to pick up every piece of litter on the way through the parking lot, I feel proud that he takes after me, and frustrated that he’s chosen right now to do so, children will produce emotions you have never felt before
Jethro has a port for his chemotherapy and such, and since we are currently doing an at-home chemotherapy a nurse has to come by every week or so to draw blood, which means she needs to poke a needle in his port, which he doesn’t like (unsurprising). But this time he asked if the nurse had a big needle or a little one and she was like “Oh its just a little one” and he was like “oh, the little needle is so cute!” Not exactly where my head would have gone but you can’t deny his quick wit
Driving home, Jethro asked “is that our house? It better be.” and my wife was like “What if someone moved in while we were gone?” and he was like “silly mama, people just visit us sometimes.”
He woke us up with “good news! Its my birthday!” and it was. We had a water gun fight and water balloons and a monster cake which delighted the toddler to our dismay the next day because he found it on the table and then we found it everywhere in the entire house c’est la vie
Anyway we had a piñata but after hanging it up realized that we didn’t have anything to hit it with. Scouring the garage I came up with a few ideas that got vetoed by people who hate fun.
We ended up using pool noodles for the big kids, wiffle ball bat for the medium kids, and a stick my dad sanded on the spot for the little ones. Jethro told my wife “you are a nice mama to make me a good birthday” which was all she ever wanted.
Jethro’s little brother has a fairly well developed destructive instinct. Really I’m underselling it, he’s a prodigy. But we were given some reprieve this week, thanks to the house being filled with balloons, which work as shock absorbers for a huge part of his energy, and the only cost we pay is getting scared half to death by occasional really loud pops that we weren’t expecting.
“I'm ready for church!” “You're still in your pjs.” “I'm ready to sleep at church!”
We went to a park which had a play kitchen/food truck thing for kids to play in, and Jethro saw it and ran in and said “papa do you want pizza?” and I told him “yes, and mac and cheese!” and he, I presume to avoid disappointing me, told me “umm papa, its not a real kitchen”
The kids got some pokemon socks, and I found them on the bed throwing the pokeball socks at each other. “caught you!” yelled Jethro. “Caught you!” echoed his little brother, who doesn’t know what either of those words mean, throwing a sock of his own.
We found the toddler in the basement with some dinosaur toys, one in each hand, making noises for each, which is something he’s just barely starting to do. The one on the left would go “roar!” and chase the other, and then the other would go “ahhh!” and run away, while my wife silently watched. “Roar.” “Ahh!” “Roar.” “Ahh!” and then moving them together: “Dinosaur train! Dinosaur train!” seamless transition.