Judge Sludge
The proof is in the pudding
Duckstack popping on the apricot tree
Many people think they “know” Duckstack. They think, “I have read duckstack many times1, I am probably the Duckstackiest person there is.2”. This has been the case since the beginning of time. But pride goeth before the fall. Pride goeth before many things. Pride even goes before Duckstack. So don’t put too much confidence in yourself. You never know when there might be a pride around the corner, waiting with a club to bash your head and drag you home for dinner3.
So what do? What is there for anyone to do. Wake. Sleep. Love. And counterattack. This is Duckstack way. It is very zen thing. My brother says keep pride away with booby traps. I say this is fools errand, trying to catch pride. It is too quick. It is too smart. It knows your tricks. The second you think you’ve tricked pride, the second you feel proud of your work, its got you. That’s science. So be safe and simply sit back and Duckstack. That is best4.
God Is Going To Kill You
“Please let there be no just judgement”
You may not know this, but the books are going to be opened and every man will stand before God to be judged, both the quick5 and the dead. The scriptures also say men will be the ones doing the judging, not God. Because men are gods. Its a little tricky67. There's also a scripture that says judge not, and there's also a scripture that says judge righteous judgement, although that one gets quoted a lot less often. Because it turns out judging not is really easy. And judging righteous judgement is difficult and “contentious” and hot and icky and so most people default to just the former
One of my heuristics is: “leftists hate standards”. Not all standards are good, so this isn’t immoral in of itself, but it does predispose them against judging people (except when they feel the other person judged first, at which point they get abnormally vicious). But I want to point out that what they leftists and a certain flavor of rightist fear is not “judgement as such”, its just judgement. Nobody really cares if you call someone dumb, but they care a lot if you can prove it. Like with IQ or a low test score or other things8. And I don't think its just the finality of the thing, because a lot of times measurements that they're really actively against are totally changeable, like sleeping around and divorce rates- you can literally just stop sleeping around. But nevertheless this terrifies them. Why?
When this is you, or when this is me, it means we have failed to internalize a very significant part of the gospel: There is nothing hidden that shall not be revealed. But I will take it a step further9. Everyone can pretty much already tell. Right now. They probably don’t know it consciously but they’re reacting to it because sin leaves a smell on you.
When Cain got jealous of Abel, he didn’t kill him before he had established a pact with the devil. This follows the fascination/fixation phase of the addiction/relapse cycle. He wanted to make sure his emotional ducks were all in a row and his temporal ducks too. So Satan promised him that his works would be in the dark, which is ridiculous but Cain bought it, killed his brother, and immediately got dragged before God. According to Genesis God doesn’t know what happened exactly, but he’s got a pretty good idea, and is like “yo what’s up Cain” and Cain looks around for his pal Satan who is nowhere to be found, having deserted his children at the last day, as foretold in the Book of Mormon which would be written in the future at that point. The point is, “nobody will know” is a very old promise and you need to cast it out of your mind. It won’t work on sin, and it won’t work on any other accountability either. The sooner you take this attitude with everything the better off you’ll be, generally speaking. Of course this doesn’t mean to overshare and assume intimacy with everyone but you should live your life as if people will know you, not as if people will not know you.
There would be no reason to follow the devil if he didn’t promise a lack of accountability for sins. That’s his big lie. “Ye shall be as the gods knowing good from evil” was obviously true. The lie was that God wouldn’t kill them.
history
Whose story? Hi’s story.
One of my favorite things the kids do right now is ask each other questions and answer each other yes or no. Jethro will ask the toddler “Are you a shark?” and the toddler will go “no, I a (name)” and Jethro will go “well are you a (toddler’s name)” and the toddler will go “Yes” and they’ll go back and forth this way for like 10 minutes. Its a little less cute because sometimes they will argue this way and he toddler doesn’t know what he’s talking about but will say “no” anyway and this upsets Jethro when he’s describing something, he’ll be like “No, its right there! It is!” and the toddler will be like “no” anyway, this lasts basically indefinitely until we break them up
Jethro got a cold this week and lost his voice just a little bit. So he was playing it up, going “brainnsss, brainnnns” in his gravely voice. And mama was like “are you a zombie?” and he instantly dropped the act and in his little excited angel voice goes “Uh huh!”
Jethro, begging for chocolate milk: “thirst… thirst… thirst…”
Jethro has been asking to go to “starbucks” recently. Which, you know, our religion prevents us from drinking coffee so we’re like “where is this coming from” and it turns out he thinks starbucks is Carl’s Jr/Hardees. Because of the star. I didn’t know any of this. So we’re driving and he’s like “I want to go to bucks.” And we’re like “what”. And we figured it out. He’s shortened it from starbucks. Bucks. He wanted to go to Carl’s Jr.
The toddler was singing something about monkey weasels and as I asked how monkeys go and he did “ooh ooh ahh ahh” and the whole thing and then I asked how crabs go and Jethro chimed in with “sideways”
I was watching the toddler this week and we had pizza and he was sitting next to me on the couch and he fell asleep with the pizza in his mouth which was impressive and led to some pretty insane snoring
“What should we get mama for her birthday?” “Hugs and tickles.”
The toddler was singing “Old McDonald had a shark. Rawr rawr rawr.” And mama was like “wait. Oh, a shark?” And the toddler replied curtly: “Yes. Eat all the crabs.” So mama asked him: “And how do the crabs go?” and the toddler thought about it, then put his hands up in the air and said ”crabs go crab crab crab” while making delightfully uncoordinated little pinchy fingers
Science Corner
A great experiment with polarizing results. Kids can try too!
On social media, its sometimes common to talk about people having “Animal Magnetism”. We looked, and it seems this phenomenon is incredibly poorly researched. Not a single study, and everything we did find was about human sexuality, which is frankly completely irrelevant.
Duckstack scientists have never been ones to shy away from unexplored territory. So we put them on the project, gave them a budget, strapped some gloves and lab coats on them, and set about unraveling the mystery. The Duckstack isn't a peer-reviewed newsletter, but it is peer viewed, which is the same thing10, so we feel as qualified as anyone to publish these truly unprecedented results. We believe future researchers will be able to build off of our work, and in only a few years there will be meta analysis on the subject. The phenomenon of Animal Magnetism is a truly unique field and warrants further research.
METHODOLOGY: We found the most dashing rogue we could, got him shirtless, and tried sticking animals to him. If the animals stuck, then he had animal magnetism.
RESULTS: Mixed. Preliminary hypothesis is that different people have affinities to different animals, just like in my ongoing fictional world Vanity Predilect. While our test subject did not have animal magnetism for armadillos, the data is inconclusive, and who are we to say another person wouldn't?
Test Subject A was found to have animal magnetism for animals according to the following table:
DISCUSSION:
CORRELATION GROUP
-Porcupine: When the humble porcupine was pressed against test subject A, the porcupine did not fall, but instead stayed miraculously suspended off the ground. The presence of animal magnetism was confirmed.
-Dog: Animal magnetism was found in the teeth of the dog, but not the tail.
-Mosquito: While Mosquitos are rarely classified as animals, “it just felt right”, and animal magnetism was found in Test subject A towards the mosquito, as well as in all present Duckstack scientists.
-Humming Bird: Animal magnetism was confirmed in the majestic humming bird, on the same principle as the mosquito, although to a lesser degree. Animal magnetism amongst humming birds was found to require a degree of initial force after multiple attempts.
-Clam: Animal magnetism was confirmed on the inside of a clam.
-Hawk: Animal magnetism was demonstrated between the fierce hawk and Test Subject A’s forearm.
-Anaconda: Anacondas were found to have high animal magnetism across their whole bodies. Test Subject A was wrapped up tight.
NO CORRELATION GROUP:
-Horse: When our scientists placed a horse against Test Subject A, the horse dropped. No observable delay was found in the drop, thus animal magnetism seems weak or unlikely.
-Cats: No animal magnetism was observed in cats, which behave by their own rules.
-Cow: An abnormally determined Duckstack scientist made more effort than usual, arguing that “it worked for the humming bird”, but as of now no animal magnetism has been observed between Test Subject A and The Cow.
-Aaron the goldfish: No matter how much we tried, Aaron the goldfish was immune to Test Subject A’s animal magnetism.
-Rock: As a proxy for a control group, a single rock from our backyard was pressed against Test Subject A, and it did not stick. The non-magnetic properties of normal rocks have been well documented in other studies, so this verifies statistical significance amongst the other test samples.
-Jellyfish: One researcher happened to have a jellyfish handy, and when applied to Test Subject A’s face it did not stick. Further research is needed for the nontoxic kind.
-Chinchilla: As much as we might wish Chinchillas were affected by animal magnetism, this did not seem to be the case in our studies.
Therefore an inverse weak correlation was found between the numeric first letter of the animal’s name, and whether they would be subject to animal magnetism. Prediction: Zebras will have high animal magnetism. Suggestion for future research.
Trade Goods: Exit Group
Exit is a fraternity focused on becoming no longer reliant on the government.
Bennett gave an analysis on Biden’s State Of The Union address, which I didn’t watch because I assume he’s more or less a puppet, but that kind of thing is valuable to some people, and Bennett uses it to make some very good points. The government is behaving as you would expect a government near collapse to behave, and that means things will get pretty bad for normal people. Its a basic overview of his project, becoming uncancellable while also not being threatening, but it was still very concise and I liked it.
Ducksnax
jetpack
If you haven’t, there’s always tomorrow
All 100 of you probably think this.
Its going to eat you, in case that wasn’t clear. There have been no documented instances of a pride offering someone dinner.
There is a passage almost exactly like this in C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”, although C.S.Lewis hadn’t invented The Duckstack yet, so his version is a little out of date.
I’m aiming to be one of the really quick ones
Mathew 19:28and Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.
John 10:34“Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?”
How much you like the new star wars movies
“Further than every single thing?“ Yes. When you ignore limits, there's nothing stopping you
“No it isn't!” You know nothing of true science