Might Light
food makes energy and energy makes heat, and my body glows in the dark
its all in your duckstack
As The Duckstack continues to undergo chronological maintenance, we appreciate your patience during these uncertain publishing times. If you’ve been patient. We’re not quite sure when we are, at the moment.
I think I’ve developed telepathy. This sounds pretty cool, but my particular version seems to only go one way. You’re getting these words beamed into your head, but I can’t hear you, and I feel so alone. However, its still pretty cool that I have this power, that I can just give you words without even speaking. If my caveman ancestors could see me now, they would say, “wow!” and “guh?” and “gug.” This is because they don’t know what a computer is, but in a technical sense, I do not either. I only know they’re “electronics”. But through these electronics I am able to do so many things. I hope nobody else has this power, I’ve always wanted to be unique.
New Cars
Made with love
Cars grow on trees, but some manufacturers don’t grow well in every climate. Its important to do your research beforehand for which hardiness zone you live in, in order to know what you can manage to grow. Of course you can spoof other climates with a greenhouse, but that would be cheating.
Zones 2, 3, and 4: Some common plants you will see here are Fords- genetically modified herbs known to grow in any climate and grow a lot of fruits. You’ll also find Subarus- an all-terrain root system allows this fungus to thrive in mountains and decay, and Toyotas- which are self sustaining vines with long lifespans.
Zones 5, 6, and 7: often contain Jeeps – A rugged creeper vine that flourishes in desert landscapes, resistant to environmental distress. Hondas– hybrid flowers known for low nutrition needs, with seeds that germinate for decades, and Chevrolets – A high-yield family with models that range from compact shrubs to full-sized truck-bearing oaks.
Zones 8, 9, and 10: These hot and humid climates lend themselves to biodiversity. You’ll find all sorts of cars, such as- Teslas – a powerful hardwood sought by many carpenters, requiring high-voltage irrigation, Porsches – A low-yield exotic, difficult to cultivate but highly sought after in high-performance orchards. BMWs are also found in this climate, as they can be very lucrative despite being susceptible to rare diseases.
How to talk to women for Autists
This article is for men. Women: If you want a guy to date you, just give him a copy of The Duckstack. This is how I met my wife.
Have you ever heard the term, “desperate times call for desperate measures?” I wouldn’t mean to imply that you are desperate, of course. Only that the times are. The times are desperate to keep you from getting a girlfriend. This is irrefutable fact. What can be done? As you can see, the majority of dates are now coming from the internet, rather than real life, which means the majority of people build relationships in a way that doesn’t map to living together at all. What are you going to do, send your wife texts and snapchats back and forth at the dinner table?
You can text people just fine but if you want real life you need to spend some time in meatspace. And any reasonable girl’s first question on examining you is going to be if you’re adapted for the real world, which lets face it, psychopaths and serial killers are way more adapted for the real world than you are, so you need to learn to compete. By learning not to come across as a psychopath and serial killer, I mean. In this essay, I will try to convey some basic principles for how to “go up and talk to her.” If you were hoping to date a girl without talking to her, this essay is not for you
TIP AND TRICK NUMBER 1: Be a bird. This is helpful for several reasons. The first is that women like birds, and the second is that birds know how to pick up chicks. Specifically, they drop a treat in front of the lady and then show off their plumage from a nonthreatening safe distance1, and then they allow the lady to decide to partake or not. Nobody likes pushy people. You are trying to be a love interest, not a salesman.
You see, men and women are both heavily commitment averse, but at very different points in a relationship. Men are extremely open on the front end, but lock down and freeze up when it comes to marriage- but women lock down and freeze up at the very beginning. So if you want to start a relationship, you want to act to minimize risk in those phases, by making a relationship with you lower stakes. When a man pushes a woman for an answer on dating him, then she goes “what in the world am I getting into?” She will then pull back, just to get some air and to try to even be able to evaluate the situation, and then she’ll be like “oh that was stressful, I must not like this guy.” And then she rejects the shiny pebble you so bird-like dropped on the ground in front of her. By contrast, if you successfully act nonchalant, then she feels like whether she responds positively or negatively to you is no big deal, then she likes you. Because you’ve signaled an ability to respect her. One way to do this is to simply state, “if you don’t want to that’s fine”, but this is an inferior method because it makes you look unsure of yourself, failing the part of the bird test where you show off your plumage. A better way would be to say “if you’re open to it, I’m going to do X and would love to bring you”, something like that. Shiny pebble, plumage, leave the ball in her court.
Tip and Trick number 2: Memorize today’s horoscopes. If you are going to talk to a random girl, then there is a very limited set of things you’ll have in common. Its pretty much 1) why ever you are both in the same location, 2) something observable about that location, 3) something universal to the human condition, 4) your relationship with her (“I am trying to find a date for Friday.” “I think you’re cute, can I buy you dinner?” etc). If you’re creative you can make an unfunny joke about one of these things, which makes gauging her disposition simple (because if she hates you she won’t laugh.) but just commentary on the surroundings is plenty to talk about. You aren’t trying to charm them, you are just trying to establish ground rules.
Tip and Trick number 3: Do not rape. By this I mean be unobtrusive. Almost all guys hate “cold approaching”, or trying to strike up a conversation with a girl you do not know, because you know you’re intruding. We don’t have a society where there’s a bunch of customs around courtship to manage expectations, but there is a universal ritual in all three societies that I can think of which you can refer to: knocking on the door. I have knocked on quite a few doors in my time and if people don’t want to talk to you they mostly just won’t, sometimes they’ll say they’re not interested or just not answer but either way you can just say “well thank you for talking” and move on to the next house. You are basically panning for gold and you are going to mostly turn up coal, so just learn to minimize any knocking around from the incident and move on. Good manners and good sportsmanship type stuff, and if rejection is no big deal to you then it will be a lot easier to sincerely make women feel safe. I have often said dating is a numbers game and the goals you score will mostly be characterized by number of shots on the goal. You can learn quite a bit about manners from rejection, if you’re paying attention. I used to dance a lot and a problem a lot of girls run into in formal dance is that they get really stiff- but if you’re observant, you can still see if they’re open to talking with you by if they smile, turn their body towards you, ask you a question, agree with what you said, make a comment of their own, and so on. These are queues that you can keep talking. You may not know what the other person considers good and bad manners, but most people accept the golden rule as currency2- if you mirror her enthusiasm, body language, and focus, you will come off as respectful and not a serial killer. Its killing two birds with one stone. Metaphorically speaking. Most girls don’t like killing birds.
Tip and Trick number 4: Evil villain monologue. If you look at any girl’s e-dating profile, she will say she wants a guy to “take her on adventures”. This does not mean barbarian kidnapping, this means she likes exciting new things and appreciates a tour guide. In a new relationship, the exciting new thing is you, and the tour guide is also you, and so being able to freely talk about yourself is a very useful skill, even if its just like five or 6 subjects that you’ve kind of memorized for situations like this- its very rare to meet a girl who will keep a conversation going, even if its a conversation she’s interested in. So its kind of on you to make the serves. Volunteering small information about yourself shows a small amount of vulnerability (please only show a small amount, do not overdo this) and makes her feel safe, and then if you ask her a question you can simply wait to see if she returns the serve. In general, brevity = respect, at least until she shows interest by throwing the conversational ball back. Think like, 3-4 sentence bursts, then make room. It is simply good manners not to monopolize a space, even if nobody else in the room feels like they have anything to say.
Everyone wants a deep relationship, but not everyone likes jumping directly into the deep end of the pool and experiencing the rush and shock of the cold water jolting your system and reminding you that you are alive. Most people prefer to wade in from the shallow end, feeling the stabbing icicles painfully creeping up their leg, groin, stomach and neck, weeping because they don’t want to acclimate but they know they gotta do it if they’re going to go swimming. Deep things are like interests and dreams, but a lot of times it matches peoples preference more to first talk about the weather.
DEMILITARIZED ZONE
Don’t attack anyone
This section of The Duckstack is a demilitarized zone. All bets are off, all shields are down, all guns are lowered. We ask that you respect the peace that these efforts are intended to bring, and allow any passers you see here to pass unharassed, knowing they might be carrying vital aid. You might be carrying vital aid yourself. Its best to assume this here, and although tensions run high, continue, by this miracle we have managed to reduce hostilities to this level, that everyone can get the Vital aid that they need. Vital aid: The electrolyte drink that hydrates and revives.
history
Prompt history for a late Duckstack
“Im a big man.” Toddler, unprompted
“I’m too fat for this.” Toddler, also unprompted.
“I dont want to eat people, but angry kids do want to eat people.” Toddler, unprompted.
The baby got ahold of one of the cookies my wife had baked- and excitedly ate it. With a fork.
Being a mom means comforting someone after they bite you.
We clipped the toddlers toenails and he kept saying “no my toe hurts” and eventually my wife asked “which toe" and he pointed to his pinky, which was somehow missing a toenail. We have no idea when that happened (he is rambunctious and injures himself often) but it was kind of funny that we thought he was talking about the clipping, when he actually was actually injured.
Ducksnax
bumper
other than the birds which just rape. I don't want you to be that type of bird. I want girls to like you.
one of the few currencies still backed by the gold standard smh