Pin Pain
The angels feet are sore from all that dancing
An eye for a duckstack
Everyone is talking about their supplement stacks, that this supplement or that supplement and how fish oil has special healing properties against xenon rays from the planet raytheon or whatever. Personally I think its just because fishes live underwater, but what do I know.
Well. Have you tried taking ducks as a supplement? I don’t mean to eat them, that would be disgusting. Just like, take them. Maybe hold them close and cuddle them for a little bit. Have you tried that? No. You monster.
However I know most supplement fans are fans of eating them. And I really don’t want to discourage them, even though I must emphasize ducks really aren’t for eating. Well, they are for eating grass and stuff. But they are against being eaten. So if you must eat them, swallow them whole, so as to minimize suffering induced by chewing, and eat like, a newspaper or something first, to keep them company. This is the new supplement stack. The Duckstack.
The Game Plan
Run it back. Run backwards. They’ll never see it coming. Because the ball is on the other side.
Have you ever played a game, and lost? Statistically, its because you don’t have a plan, and this is also the case nonstatistically, in cases where you think you have a plan but really you just keep charging in and getting pwned. You need: A game plan! With our customized game plans, you can run your guys around in circles around the enemy, when they’re around. Here’s how it works.
First, you plug in your game plan before the game, and let everyone know about it, so that they can forget. Once everyone is informed, they can seek to drop everything and follow the plan as outlined, for example “charge forward” and “don’t die”. Imagine how strong the military could be if someone bothered to have a plan for the soldiers to not die. Why, your army would be practically unbeatable.
You might question. “What if they don’t follow my plan? Do I need a backup plan?” And the answer is that you always need backup plans (sold separately) but not for this, since that’s where the game part comes in. You have to beat your soldiers at games to get them to listen to you. Usually simple games such as tic-tac-toe, but sometimes more complicated games such as hearthstone, magic the gathering, and Uno. If you win, then they should follow their orders. And if they don’t, we have game plans for that, so that you can feel confident in confronting dealing with anything your soldiers might throw at you, including other soldiers.
If your soldiers have sub-soldiers to throw at you, you can simply produce your sub-plans (sold separately), and the sub-soldiers defeat will be assured. Game plans are that powerful. But while you’re playing games with the sub-soldiers, its within the realm of possibility that the sub soldiers will introduce new soldiers under them, in which case you’ll be right back to where you started. Every time you have failed in life, its because you didn’t buy enough Game Plans.
GG everyone GG
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego
Trump (last I checked) soundly won the popular vote, which according to the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact means California is now a red state. Congratulations!
So America had its election. Lots of people made lots of predictions with a very high degree of certainty and confidence and often condescension. Were those people right? Was their reasoning right? If they were wrong, do you think they are going to learn anything from this experience?
Your mental health is dependent upon your ability to accurately model the world- if you can never seem to predict things right or if its at best 50/50, you are going to have depression and anxiety, possibly mania/depressive bipolar as your focus shifts from hits to misses and back and forth. I never pretended to know how the election was going to go, but I had dozens of friends predicting Trump winning every swing state. Out of the blue that sounds like a wild prediction, and yet: Their model of reality was accurate.
Art: Replacing Democracy with Bureaucracy
Celebration Parallax
I believe either my friend Lomez, or maybe it was my friend Raw Egg Nationalist, or maybe it was my friend Covfefe Anon1, coined the term “Celebration Parallax” which refers where political phenomena “stop existing” if they're being talked about from a negative angle. “The Great Replacement Theory” is an example of this, where leftists will praise demographic replacement while simultaneously condemning conservatives for noticing it. "its not happening” when talking to a conservative, and “its so good that this is happening” when talking to a liberal.
But part of the purpose of this is not just the maintenance of a double standard. While using “code switching” to identify teams is useful, you will also notice in essays about e.g. Queer Theory that they use a lot of circumlocutious language, talking in circles and not being clear. If you say a school is “balancing ethnic ratios” you’ll get a lot of people angry at you for pointing it out. But if you say they’re “placing proper importance on accurate representation of historically underprivileged voices through authentically Black experience and deconstruction of cispatriarchal norms” then you’ll have no problem2. This sort of language has a hypnotic quality to it- if it looks very thorough and dense with information, then its scientific and well considered, right?
There is real flowery language, and there is real technical language, and there are cheap plastic immitations3 of flowery and technical language, which serves the purposes of gaining the credentials both afford without having to put in the groundwork. Often even naturally eloquent people are derided as manipulative and insincere, just as an over-calibrated defense against the artificial type. It reflects where you divide between hope and cynicism.
The more hopeful you are, the greater your tolerance to “false positives”, or (to the cynic) to being tricked. As an example if someone is faking and trying to butter you up, you will be flattered. Because it would be a shame to reject someone who is sincere, and possibly rude, and certainly discouraging. So you “err on the side of hope”. By contrast, the cynic does not want to be tricked, either to avoid embarrassment, or to retain freedom or conserve resources, or maybe just because they learned at some point that cynicism is “cool”. They’re willing to take the risk of rejecting real sincerity, because the pros outweigh the cons. Everyone is going to set this threshhold differently, and some people are going to set it wrong.
This, however, is part of God’s explicit design in the plan of salvation, which is designed to unravel your true desires. In the end we will have lived exactly the type of life we chose to, and God will give us exactly the kind of afterlife we deserved. Whether you lived by faith, or fear, or some other way, eventually the rubber is going to meet the road.
history
Enough history to go around
As I type this, my son is trying to see if he can plug my nose with his head. That's the spirit of science right there.
“I don't like boogers. And I don't like flies. I don't want spiders to get on my shirt.” -unprompted
The most abs baby ever went to the doctors and the nurse goes to examine her and holds her legs down and the baby just sits up using the leverage and the nurse was like “Woah! She's got abs!” and we're like WE KNOW
The toddler had a crying meltdown a couple days ago because he got soup and a sandwich when he was promised “lunch” which he thought was its own thing
Toddler assembling the chairs in the kitchen: “We need to make a choo choo train”
what kind of swing state do you live in?
Everyone has been meeting the candidates, but nobody has been meeting the states. But the states want to meet you. This article sponsored by swing states. In my mind.
Arizona - Rope Swing
Georgia - Porch Swing
Michigan - Hammock
Nevada - Zipline
North Carolina - Playground swing
Pennsylvania - Tire Swing
Wisconsin - A hampster ball on giant bungee cords
Ducksnax
Pizza
▼ ▲ ▼ ▼ ▲ ▼ previous duckstack ▼ ▲ ▼ ▼ ▲ ▼
Or maybe it was a darker, and more sinister entity, manipulating the term coiner machine from the shadows
I am speaking from direct experience, of course. Once I had worded it like that, they immediately shifted their tone.
jargon: made in china