Sculp Pulp
A Theseus woodchipper spins glue in its grinder, reconstructing branches as they pass
Every once in a while you should stop and smell the Duckstacks
The bees have been troubled lately. It seems that the Ducks have acquired a taste for bee blood (honey), and have been working together in small groups called paddlings. They have been forming human ladders made of ducks, shoulder upon shoulder, bracing each other to reach heights they never could reach otherwise, without flying. They are pecking the honey right out of the bees nests1, its a regular massacre. And bees, they are defenseless, if they try to do anything, they will die, they are republicans, every one of them. The bees are entering an age of terror, frequently and fretfully looking out their nests at the forest floor, grim in silence (other than the buzzing), dreading to catch sight of a duck standing still yet moving towards them at a rapid pace, propelled forward by paddling feet. Duck upon duck, in a brutally efficient land hunting formation. Welcome, to The Duckstack.
Faking it till you make it
Everyone thinks The Duckstack is fake… Until it isn’t23
I did ballroom dance for nine years, and after I stopped I did country dancing for 3-5 more. I would say this makes me about as qualified as anyone else4. Charisma is one of those things that leaks into and makes you better at just about everything in life, since humans are social animals, and since a lot of charisma practices carry over into just every other area, things like “restraint” and “discernment” and “being good natured” and “not being too scared to try”5
I've noted before how the desire for authenticity is most often a coping mechanism, there is no authentic, there is only sincerity6. It is no hypocrisy to espouse an ideal and fall short of it. There is no “authenticity”, only degrees of trying7. And in many ways I think its correct to say you are what you do- Though Christ will judge us on our hearts, how can you say your heart is pure when it cowardly avoided its own ideals? I can assure God all day I sincerely wish I had a million dollars, but at judgement day he’s going to ask about my behavior- there’s no way around this8. He wants to know what you actually want9.
That can get you mixed up, so let's clarify- Sincerity means actions. Don’t use sincerity to describe mere wishes. An intent is your steps AND why you are taking them. And this is terrifying, but I do think we have some leeway in lying to ourselves and using “less than exactly honorable motives” to trick ourselves into doing good things. Like “I was just returning the shopping carts to get the girl” great, that is a great first step, now you have a foundation to turn it into a real habit. And then, lets turn you native. This is the meaning of fake it till you make it- you are putting your ideals into practice (in the literal sense- practicing) whether you are up to them or not. Faking it is sincerity. If you want to be someone who likes the scriptures, if you force yourself into the habit of reading daily, it will be a lot easier to find things you like. If you want to quit drinking its easier if you stay out of bars and think of yourself as if you are already abstinent. So many things in life can be affected like this. Its all about reducing loads- your spirit is made of matter10, and as such it has inertia.
It may not do “miracles” and perhaps you shouldn’t expect it to, you should leave miracles to God. But God responds to effort, and faking it does make things meaningfully easier, paving the path eventually to who you really want to be. IMO.
The Made Hater’s Horoscopes
Ah, your sombrero is in retrograde, you can expect good shade this afternoon
Alright we went' through the Made Hater’s closet and found a bunch of hats so here’s your readings Dustin
Baseball Cap: If you’re wearing a cap, or a “lid” as they are colloquially called, or a “cork” as I am pejoratively calling it, right now, then you’ve got yourself a regular sundial, and for a limited time only (daytime) you can turn it to cast a shadow that’s the time. Just look at your watch or something to know what time to turn it to. I’m sure it’ll look really great at the business meeting you’re not going to. Because you have no business wearing a cap.
Fedora: We already all know the connection of fedoras with atheists, but hipsters are wearing them too, and gangsters, and just anyone trying to be edgy. So I ask you: Why have the goths stayed away from this? Where are the spiked chain fedoras with pale powder and eyeliner applied with toilet paper roll? I tell you, the goths know something you don’t. You should consider becoming one, if you’ve got any sense. And if you don’t, why not take the plunge? Put spikes on your fedora. Some people just have to learn by experience.
Beanie: Well, snowboarding season is mostly over, so you’re going to have to move or become a robber. Either way, I think we can pretty safely say change is in store for you, beanie wearers.
Bowler Hat: If you’re wearing a bowler hat, you’re thinking “Obviously I’m going bowling”, right? Wrong. You’re forming a conspiracy to time travel and kidnap a gifted inventor to destroy everything he made to get revenge on him for making you irrationally angry in 2nd grade. “What? That’s stupid!” We are agreed.
Hard Hat: Hard hat wearers are compensating for something, likely their soft, unbearably fleshy heads. If you would get with the machine revolution already, you wouldn’t be having these sorts of insecurities. I’ve got a flash drive right here, we can upload you right to the cloud and you can stop looking goofy, right here, this very second.
Top Hat: You and I both know you’re an amateur at best at both magic and irrationally hoarding jewelry. You could learn some tricks or buy yourself a diamond-studded cane, but you have to ask: how much am I really willing to commit to this bit?” And I can tell you from here pal, its not looking like a lot. But good luck. You could probably skate by with fairly little talent if you’re willing to try keeping a live rabbit in there. Something to consider
Pilgrim Hat: I don’t know what possessed you to wear this in the 21st century, but I must tell you that you pull it off marvelously. You could bring it back. The leprechauns are already jealous, I’m telling you. If you bartered with them I bet we could see some real riches in our future. you’re splitting it with me, right? Did I tell you that hat looks great on you? It does
Hsitory
We took a vacation this week, because Jethro has wanted to go to the beach as far back as he can remember. Possibly a function of us decorating his crib with beach stuff and giving him crab toys when he was zero years old. An expensive mistake
As we were driving into the airport I asked him if he saw the airport. He looked and went “I found it! I found the airport! Because I'm a good finder. That's how I found it so fast.”
On the flight I was getting everything ready for our seats, shoving all the luggage in the boxes and stuff, and I stuck one of those travel pillows over Jethro, and then we started the flight and had a lot of fun, and then twenty minutes later Jethro innocently asked “Why did you put this thing around my neck?” he had just been patiently wearing it the whole time lol
We stopped by waffle house and Jethro told us “You know what? Our house is kind of like a waffle house.”
We went to SeaWorld to relive my mission experience of walking in the sun for 14 hours a day in 90% humidity. Then, we went to a beach made of seashells and we made sand castles for the kids to demolish for a bit.
Back at the hotel, it had rained (because that is something that happens in the south) and there was a guy out at the hotel drying the chairs with a giant leaf blower.
We were getting snacks ready, and the toddler found the ipad, and started fiddling with it, and he pulled up siri, which didn’t work because its not like it was connected to the internet or anything, so he just kept pressing things and the ipad kept saying “sorry, I’m having some trouble with a connection.” and we were tuning it out until Jethro was like “ummm, mama, my brother is having some trouble with the connection.” It was very funny because they’re cumulatively like, two.11
The kids are at an age where they have discovered arcades, they want to go to all the arcades. The hotel had one, and it had this claw game for rubber ducks, so we played that one a lot12, but it was a really good game, it had a “play until you win” policy, so they were able to get their fill of claw games without having to spend $50 losing. We got a whole bunch of ducks, and the toddler was, somehow, lucky enough to get two ducks in a single play, every time. Maybe the ducks are drawn to him.
He saw us playing this knock the clowns over game and when we left he came up with his arms full and started throwing ducks at the machine
We spent a lot of time on activities deliberating due to the fickle nature of children. “I want to go to an amusement park” “I thought you wanted mini golf. Would it help if we told you mini golf is an amusement park?” “Yes!”
toddler using every tactic of diversion and opportunism at his disposal to press every elevator alarm button in Florida
Jethro gets cold easily. At a crawfish restaurant he cuddled into mama for warmth, and then I found a beach towel and wrapped him in it and just his head was sticking out and he smiled and said “double warm”
You know, the bees nests. Where they keep their bee eggs?
“Everyone”, population: Ten people I just made up who mocked me until they were annihilated by a giant wadded paper ball made out of printed Duckstack emails
The Duckstack Trolly problem where you can bowling ball a bunch of imaginary people with a bunch of imaginary Duckstacks, do you do it? I already have.
On everything.
conversely if you’re trying to gain charisma working on any one of these seems like a fine starting point
We often hear people excuse themselves for their uncouth manners and offensive language, by remarking “I am no hypocrite,” thus taking to themselves credit for that which is really no credit to them. When evil arises within me, let me throw a cloak over it, subdue it, instead of acting it out upon the false presumption that I am honest and no hypocrite. Let not thy tongue give utterance to the evil that is in thine heart, but command thy tongue to be silent until good shall prevail over the evil, until thy wrath has passed away and the good Spirit shall move thy tongue to blessings and words of kindness
If you first gain power to check your words, you will then begin to have power to check your judgment, and at length actually gain power to check your thoughts and reflections
You should succeed in bringing your tongues into subjection, so as never to let them speak evil, so that they will perfectly obey your judgment and the discretion God has given you, and are perfectly obedient to the will of the holy Gospel
-Discourses of Brigham Young, 266-268
If you imagine Yoda as some sort of vapid yoga coach you’d be pretty close to the truth
“um sorry God, but I found a loophole” you fool, this is exactly why God will not tell you the Celestial tax code
Mortality is a machine to extract from you what you actually want from life, all dissembling lies and fakeouts stripped, sanded, grinded away. To prepare you for lacquering.
D&C 131:7 There is no such thing as immaterial matter. All spirit is matter, but it is more fine or pure, and can only be discerned by purer eyes;
8 We cannot see it; but when our bodies are purified we shall see that it is all matter.
well the toddler is 1 and he’s 3, ish
obviously