Somatic Spelunk
I'm a semi truck basketball player, from half court I make a three point turn
1In space, nobody can hear you Duckstack
Testing, is this thing on? Blink if you can hear me. Wait, this is text. Do you read me? Close your eyes if you can read me. Okay now open them again. Wait you can’t read me to open them again. Shoot. Okay well everyone else if you see someone with their eyes permanently closed from reading The Duckstack tell them they can open their eyes now. Wait, if you’re reading that you would have read the instruction to close your eyes also. Help!
The Embodiment of Christ
Was Jesus Christ born again? Scientists say: yes
I recently read a thread by Owen Cyclops on Txwitter (that's what we're calling it now) where he notices a gap between what big churches like Catholicism teach about angels and what people actually tend to believe- Which is that angels are people. But according to “Doctrine” angels are actually Creatures, some kind of guard dog or helper robot type thing. Maybe there is some room in various churches for both beliefs to he held simultaneously, but it reminded me how woefully inadequate most of Christianity’s doctrine of the afterlife is. I first became aware of this gap on my mission in the Bible Belt, where I would ask people “where do we go when we die?” and they would say “heaven” and I would say “and then?” and they would look at me like I was crazy2.
It seems the majority of Christianity does not believe in the resurrection of the dead.
You die, you go to heaven, then you are resurrected, just like Christ was34567891011121314. Then what is your state? Well, taking Christ as a pattern, you have a body, and are back on Earth, though with some changes to your body, such as being able to travel differently. But Christ was very clear about his not being a spirit, about his ability to eat. That's about as carnal a point as he could make without being vulgar about it. Even made all his apostles touch him.
But I think most Christians view the doctrine of Christ’s resurrection as somewhat of a nuisance. Even after all the effort he went to demonstrate his embodiment to his disciples, it seems to me the majority of Christianity believes his body to be sort of a reverse-astral projection, a tool that he “puts on” occasionally to appear to disciples but its not actually “him”. A party trick. That Christ’s body is a remote controlled puppet of sorts, and he actually resides in a cosmic sense of diffuse “being”. This comes out often in Christian criticisms of Latter-Day Saints thinking God lives on “Kolob15”- They don’t think Christ has an actual physical location in the universe. It offends their idea of God as invisible and diffuse. Inherently, they believe having a body is inferior to not having one, and their doctrine naturally follows- since the idea that the body (with all its passions and ability to for example, eat, and other carnal things) is inferior, then when thinking about heaven they will tend to gloss over the idea that it will include such things.
Contrast this briefly with Latter-Day Saint doctrine, that having a body is superior to not having a body1617. As far as I know, we are completely unique in this. The majority of all religions, including Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Wicca, pretty much anything, puts power as “spirits”, and seem generally inclined to try and get away from the body. I suppose none looked behind the curtain, to find that those carnal passions when harnessed enable things not possible otherwise. That they are a powerful machine, a complex tool, enabling under the right hands. This is understandable, I suppose, for all the carnal passions that the body comes with can be very tricky and inconvenient and gross. But it makes sense to me, that if Satan rejected his chance at gaining a body, that he would be very invested in teaching the children of men to despise their own.
Therefore, I look forward to the resurrection of the dead. That death will not have power to take these things from me. I look forward to the promises of my God, and this brings me peace, and hope. The destroyer and his corrosion won’t have a lasting sting. I’ll see my family again with real eyes, and probably cry over the reunion with real tears. It is our privilege as Christians to look forward to the same.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Top 10 Engagement Farming Tips & Tricks & Hacks & Cheats
& their habitats & where to find them
Use a number. People love numbers. People love knowing what they’re getting into, and feeling like you have a lot more to offer than you really do (points 4-10 are just reworded points 1-3)
Lie. People love being lied to. Whatever you put in the title? Don’t even bother to deliver. This thrills people. It is like a harmless little prank. “Oh, you got me!” people will say.
Draw the actual writing out as far as possible for ad money. Make them click through six ads to see the next word of the next bullet point. Cover their house in used billboard paper. Wrap them up like a present. This builds anticipation, which, much like MSG works to replace salt, works as a substitute for quality of content.
Be obviously wrong. Nobody wants to talk about something that’s obviously right. Don’t be boring, that’s not why you’re here. Turn your blithering insistence against all reason into profit.
Ask a question that everybody and their dog knows the answer to. People love participating, they want to feel helpful. If you ask them what color egg whites are, you will build a mini-cult of personality around yourself in minutes. Everyone will rush to your aid like the rightful king you are.’
Act like you’ve got a big secret that you’ll reveal at the end of the article. It doesn’t need to be important or relevant, because once they’ve read to the end you’ve already got what you’ve wanted out of them, and can drop them like the used trash they are. Drop the most used trash secret you’ve got.
tag everyone you know. Then email it to them, then knock on their doors individually too. If your content isn’t good enough to grow organically, then its time for some good old fashioned use-of-force1819
Use the most sensational language you can. “You won’t believe!” “You have to see this!” “Amazing!”. Always use exclamation points. If you don’t use exclamation points, how will people know you are serious?…!
Anger people. Just pick something controversial and pick a side at random, and overstate your newfound position by about 70%. You shouldn’t need to go further than that- the best engagement baits are about 70% true. Act like your overstated position is obvious, so that people can “help” you to learn the error of your ways (see #5)
picture of cute animal
HISTORY
I am so sick (both senses of the word) (A little shorter Duckstack on account of the sickness) (which we are down with)
The toddler, clubbing mama over the head with a glow in the dark star: “twinkle twinkle!”
(while having his diaper changed.)“Gross. Gross. Gross!” and then I said RRRRRoss! to emphasize the R which he has a hard time with, and he laughed and said, “that’s not ross! That’s gross!” he learned to talk literally last month and is already correcting my grammar
In my sick delirium I rested in the toddler’s bed, which is on the ground, and the toddler was more than happy to join me, while saying “eggs!”. It was eggs. Eggs in the bed.
science facts
Top 10 fun science facts and their natural habitat and where to find them
misnomer: fire hydrants spray gasoline, not fire. the fire comes later
how do scorpions work? Rubber bands
snakes stick their tongues out as applause, similar to snapping in a poetry slam
Glass is microwave safe, microwaves are not
Like people, vampires die when you put a stake through their heart
Helium is lighter than air, but not brighter.
In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
The sun runs on explosions
Electricity can be positive or negative or painful.
Chickens are made of eggs20
My Big Secret
The biggest secret you’ve all been waiting for
I’ve only watched the first and last harry potter movie but none of the intermediate ones21
The semi truck does not have a cargo hitched to it its just the cabin, otherwise the turn would be worth a *lot* more than three points
Perhaps justified for other reasons but INAPPROPRIATE to my serious chain of questions!
Romans 8:11 - But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.
1 Corinthians 6:14 - And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power.
1 Peter 1:3 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
Luke 14:14 - And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just.
John 14:19 - Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.
1 Corinthians 15:20 - But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept.
1 Thessalonians 4:16 - For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
Isaiah 26:19 - Thy dead men shall live, together with my dead body shall they arise. Awake and sing, ye that dwell in dust: for thy dew is as the dew of herbs, and the earth shall cast out the dead.
Daniel 12:2 - And many of them that sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt.
Acts 24:15 - And have hope toward God, which they themselves also allow, that there shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and unjust.
Philippians 3:21 - “Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.”
1 Corinthians 15:22 - For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.
Kolob being the star “nearest” to where God dwells, not where he actually is. Kolob is a sort of astrological symbol of faith/perfection given to Abraham but not exactly something we reference in our everyday Sunday School.
D&C 138:50 - For the dead had looked upon the long absence of their spirits from their bodies as a bondage
“The power to resist Satan may be stronger than we realize. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught: ‘All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him. [Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith (1976), 181].
FBI: This is not a call to violence, this is a “rhetorical device”
FBI: If you would like to use force to make people read The Duckstack, I would not mind
Too much personal experience with this one lately. *shudders*
Take it to your grave