Soufflé Scrambled Shuffle

A virus is when your computer gets malware. When your computer gets your drink, that's bacteria.

Feb 23, 2022

When you duckstack, you go a million miles per hour. Please wear a seatbelt.

ATTENTION: I (that’s me.), bobdaduck. You (that’s you.), reader. We (the duckstack that’s me) want you (you.), our readers (not me), to know you (that’s you) have my (me.) permission to stack ducks (not you) as you read today’s newsletter (the duckstack) today. DO. NOT. divert any attention to this (the duckstack). Keep your eyes at all times on the prize. (the duckstack.)

Welcome, to the duckstack (me).

HISTORY

If you’ll pardon the saying, 1

Toddler wanted to go get a haircut but it was Sunday, explained to him that on Sunday stores aren’t open. With great innocence he asked for confirmation: “The haircut house is closed?”

The toddler was playing and then commented to the air “I have a good idea!” and we asked him what it was: strawberry soup

The laundromat is HOUNGRY. For quarters, which are valuable currency to me since I collect rubber balls. This laundromat has an arcade though, which is a pretty dang good idea, both businesswise and tastewise. We’re renovating our laundry room and didn’t get the washing machine ready before the laundry situation became something of a national crisis, so we tried to use the laundromat next door, which turned out to also be a national crisis2. We didn’t bring cash so I had to run to the store to debit some back and then we didn’t bring soap so I had to run home and get some and then the money wasn’t enough so I had to go back again, the laundry situation is mostly under control now but it was really something for a minute there.

We also got a bathroom situation

Picture unrelated, the bathroom situation is that the sinks were clogged but we fixed it, idk whose sink this is but it looks like its draining fine

HOROSCOPES

We have received some theoretical complaints about the difficulty of the horoscopes section. In my imagination, many people have thought “but how do I know which horoscope is mine?” Well, I found a buzzfeed quiz, which you can use as a map to locate your horoscope: https://www.buzzfeed.com/nathanwpyle/what-kind-of-toast-are-you

As the horoscopes continue to shift, we have done thorough research enabling us to accurately predict your future. Look on, if you dare. These horoscopes may shock you, offend you, force you to reconsider things you once held dear. These horoscopes may horrify you, they may calm you, but above all, they plumb the depths of your very soul. You must be fearless! Looking into the oracle is not for many people! There is no shame in turning back, living your life with agency, without the burden of dread knowledge out of time. Read on, if you dare.

Pumpernickel: You are German.

Wheat: You are English.

White: You are American.

Baguette: You are French.

Flatbread: You are Tibettan, or maybe Indian3.

Rye: You are Russian.

Breadstick: You are Italian.

Crepes: You are French also.

Hardtack: You are Japanese.

Tortilla: You are Mexican.

Short Story: The Deer Cindarella

whatever the HECK a deer is

Fairy dresses up a low class deer like a princess. Deer goes to4 a dance. Prince likes the deer5, but the deer runs, leaving shoe6. Prince searches kingdom7, putting shoes on deer. Prince finds deer, realizes the deer is the deer, and marries8 her9. The end.