Tarantula Tango
At the spider ball, a non-dancer can step on four times the feet
Like a hot knife through duckstack
When you’ve written as many duckstacks as I have, you start to1 learn a few things. Things you probably would have learned anyway. Things which pretty much everyone learns. You learn them writing duckstacks too. But at least then you’ve got your i’s and ‘ts dotted and crossed. Really got all your ducks in a row. Metaphorically. And literally. Its true, you could have learned all those lessons without writing The Duckstack. Doesn’t that make you shudder? Doesn’t that make you terrified? To learn all those lessons, and not even have The Duckstack to show for it? It terrifies me. It keeps me up at night. This night, in particular. Because I always write late Tuesday nights2.
Word Salad
light on calories
Within the fractal singularity of cognitive emergence, chromatic morphogenesis entangles, generating disjointed quantum fluctuations. Ideational quasiphysics navigate synaptic surfaces, weaving the subliminal interpretation. A temporal singularity looms with non-linear chronon flow. Physical constants fluctuate terminally in the manifold which has a causal relationship to engrammatic relapses. Theoretically this defies the mind as an abyss of infinite regress, because answers are elusive fractal patterns causing inquiry.
Spitting Hairs
Your beard must be This Long to debate
Latter-Day Saint missionaries have a concept they call “Bible Bashing”. Briefly speaking, this is when someone thinks they have some killshot verse to disprove your religion, and then you have some killshot verse to disprove theirs, which you spit back at them. This goes back and forth for a bit and then you both walk away frustrated and angry that they didn’t take your slam dunks as seriously as you did. Taking yourself seriously was your first mistake, and thinking you were having a conversation was your second. It turns out, conversations require two partners and if one isn’t willing you just… Can’t actually get through.
Missionaries are cautioned against this, because Latter-Day Saints specifically have heard the four or five objections like 60000000 times before and have gotten very good at “refuting” them. So its a very easy trap to fall into. “Maybe this time, at last, someone will give what I say the benefit of the doubt.” fool
There’s quite a few reasons engaging in this is “generally a bad idea”, most of which fall under its a huge waste of time and missionary time is approximately 25 times as valuable as their time as a normal person would be. If someone is just looking for dunks then they are going to look for things to dunk on in what you say rather than looking to understand it, that’s pretty common sense. This is a subset of the internet adage “never talk to journalists.” Because they’re looking to misrepresent you, that’s what they’re there for.
So if you want understanding to happen, you have to cut a Gordian knot of motivations, not arguments. If you try to address arguments you’ll find yourself in a gish gallop- a laundry list of grievances intended to overwhelm you because addressing each accusation takes much more time than it takes your accuser to level the next. If you address it, they’ll just come up with another one. What does this tell you? It tells you they don’t care about the argument. If they don’t care about it, you shouldn’t either. That’s fair and equitable.
So what do they actually care about? Their family? Feeling superior? Peer acclamations? The answer to this question can dramatically change whether progress is even possible, but the first step is to assess their disposition. A misguided person should be treated with gentleness to calm them down- a feral person should be avoided or shot3. DON’T shoot anyone. But don’t act gentle. Homeless subway vagrants attack people all the time, but even in their mental illness they never seem to target strong men- its always women, children, and the elderly who are targeted. Their discernment is better than the average person.
I’m preaching to the choir here, the choir being myself4, because I like to “bash”. Its exercise, like stretching your muscles, and its easy to get blinded to the person in that. But in every argument you’re talking to a human, not an argument. My experience is if you talk about something they actually care about, they’ll straight up just leave. They don’t want to put anything on the line5, and if you change the subject then you’re removing them from the bar. When they want to argue, they’re looking to get something out of it, and they can’t get that out of things they care about.
This is where internet cries of “debate me” come from as well. Referring to in person, or at least vocal/broadcast debates. This is home turf for them not because they’re good at debates, but because performance in front of an audience allows them to maximize what they’re trying to get from you- popularity and validation, usually. If you let them tap that vein then you’ll never get through to them. Doesn’t mean its always a bad idea, but at that point you’re putting on a performance for their audience, not for them, which I think in general introduces some very hostile dynamics.
I do think arguing online is worthwhile- if I didn’t, I wouldn’t do it6. But the effectiveness of such argument is always in flux, and you need to start by figuring out what they actually care about. What scares them? Only then can you shake hands. Of course, they’re not going to shake hands with you, they’re here to argue. But at least its nicer of you to try.
We Have Cloned Mike Pence
Whoops
We’re tight on money and his name has money in it, ok? A pence is like, a british penny or something. I’m not an accountant, ok? I heard a money word and built a cloner machine on instinct, by sheer reactionary reflex. Everybody has reflexes, ok? They test for this stuff in physical exams when you’re a kid7. You’re supposed to have reflexes. Ok?
Look its past that, now is the time to act. Ok? We’ve got Mike twopence, Mike threepence, Mike fourpence, Mike fivepence, and Mike sixpence. And we’ve got a problem. Mike Pences do not appear to be acceptable legal tender in any grocery store near me. And I spent all my money on a pence cloner. Ok? So can you spot me some money
history
Life by a thousand cuts
Toddler got a little cut on a thorny plant, and asked for an ice pack. I told him you don’t really need ice packs for cuts. He thought about that and then said “The plant burned me”
The baby was grabbing my foot and the toddler said “she is giving your foot high fives!”. Speaking of which, she gives very good high fives right now. She looks at her hand first, then gingerly pats your hand multiple times.
Toddler sees soda: “Oh, that’s bad for your teeth! I want some.”
The toddler ran out yesterday and came back in with a huge cut on his foot, which thankfully did not need stitches. After getting him patched up, I tried to have a productive conversation. I asked, "what did we learn today? did we learn to put on shoes before going outside?” “Nope.”
Hopeoscopes
Hopefully these are right
What your brand of hopefulness says about you says a lot about you. But it also predicts the future, maybe! I hope! Lets see what might be in store!
Desirer: What you want is right around the corner. Turn every corner you can see, just in case.
Expectator: Patience is a virtue, and what you want might show up on its own. What you want isn’t known for growing legs and coming up to people, but you never know.
Wisher: Stars are unreliable. For what you want, wish on a rocket. Specifically, wish for devastation.
Truster: What you want knows your needs and moves to fill them. It is lost. But it will figure it out, assuming it has become sentient.
Optimismo: Nothing can stop you from getting what you want, if you’re creative enough, and willing to go to jail.
Faither: What you want is in the substance of things not seen. But faith requires action. Act now. The offer will only be good for 24 hours.
Ducksnax
Tower
start to
Other than the temporal distortion as of late. Hopefully none of you are frequent enough readers to know about that though.
FBI: That is not a threat of violence, that is a rhetorical device.
Mostly tenor and bass, if you must know. Its a men’s choir.
This is also why they always taunt you: “scared?”
in theory
“How’s your Mike Pence cloning reflex, little bobby?” *smack*
No idea what’s going on in the comic this week tho