War and Peace
Poke a beehive to get 1000 angry bees. Poke a gingerbread house to get 1000 angry gingerbread men.
Like salmon in winter, we return to The Duckstack.
Like many of you, I have been tasked with preparing a potato for the king of New York’s dinner. You’ve been taking the potato, you’ve baked it, you deep fry it, then you’ve mashed it, then you’ve cut the mashes into slices, and then you flatten the slices into chips, pack them, and ship it, all in the hopes that the sodium1 balance will at last satisfy his ravenous palate. This is the point where you slowly realize, in a state of creeping, inexorable dread, that you forgot the salt.
This is probably the worst thing that could possibly happen in your career as a potateur, and it doesn’t matter how much you’ve prepared for this day. You’re going to find there just isn’t enough air in the room to go around, even though you’ve been alone for years2.
To prepare you for this eventuality, you need to be aware of your options. Ask yourself these questions:
Do I have potato insurance?
If you do, while the bullfight of getting an agent to process your claims is tedious, you have a lot of law on your side, fighting with you, because you have joined the side of evil. You will have to use force, you’ll have to break the NAP, you may have to break some insurance agent’s neck (do not worry insurance agents are hydras and they will simply grow more necks), you’ll have to leave your ancapistan3, your Eden, but at the end of the fight you will receive recourse.
What lies can I tell to escape blame in this situation?
Maybe you can convince the Count of New York that your sodium supply lines were sabotaged by his enemies. Yeah, that will probably work.
Do I have any alternative career options?
Likely not, but it is good to rule this one out. It would be silly to do something drastic on the reasoning that you will never be able to recover your reputation when in reality you could simply go into hiding, change your identity, and start an entirely new business in a different domain.
Should I pretend this never happened?
If the Duke of New York doesn’t bring it up, you’re off the hook, right? You’ll be able to forget about your failure and live on, even convincing yourself that it never happened, and won’t even have to find a convenient scapegoat to blame your troubles on. This is an appealing option because all it requires of you, is to do nothing. At least you’re not making it worse, right? Deers are a billions of years old species, who have passed through rigorous survival of the fittest selection, fighting tooth and nail for each new generation, and through all of it they have evolved this exact strategy when confronted with car headlights. That many millennia of evolution can’t be wrong. This strategy is primal, instinct. So, definitely consider the deer response in this situation as a strong competitor for best solution.
Now, The Dictator of New York is not known for being merciful, but hopefully with these Duckstack Tips™4 you’ll be able to find a way to cope with this predicament. If you are in a potato related bind, leave a comment, and our advisors5 will do their best to render immediate, top-of-the-market assistance.
Now, for the rest of you: The Duckstack.
CHILDHOOD COMFORTS
Jesus said that to enter the kingdom of heaven, you must become like a little child. This is a warning against adulthood. They6 want you miserable, but if you are a kid you are immune to this, because you are possessed of a sense of wonder.
I have a favorite blanket from when I was a kid and I fundamentally do not understand why other people don’t do this. I refuse to be intimidated or ashamed of it. Its a comfortable thing from my childhood, its pleasant, there’s no reason to get rid of fun pleasant childhood things. Getting rid of fun pleasant childhood things decreases the fun and pleasants in your life. Why would you do that? Are you dumb?
HISTORY
God is being good to us, and he is fulfilling many of his promises to us in miraculous ways, yet again revealing himself to be a reliable honest and trustworthy guy.7
I went to Subway this week! I like their sandwiches. I did a little survey on my phone while I ate, and got two free cookies! I believe in rewarding Subway for rewarding behavior they want rather than punishing behavior they don’t want. Subway could just as easily have taken a different strategy: “take this survey, or I will murder you with my sandwich gun.8 To keep this from happening it is important to give positive reinforcement to their positive reinforcement stratagem. This pavlovian mindgame is just my own little way of fighting against fascism.
We also this week went shopping at the torture and death store, which was a little stressful but on the whole a pleasant experience. The doctors and nurses could not for the life of them perform simple manual tasks such as “can you put this in the fridge for us9” but when it came to actual doctoring they were adequate. They even let us keep a little torture device, as a souvenir.
War Tortoise 2 - Idle Exploration Shooter: a review
I was just looking for a war tortoise 2 idle exploration shooter game, and what do you know
I censured video games recently for their lack of vision but that does not mean I will not try new ones on occasion. This game caught my eye because it was very random and made no sense and promised an experience far beyond what it had any conceptual right to deliver - it even claims upfront to be an idle game. Even so, here are game devs that are obviously not beholden to any sort of concept of “marketing” or “appeal” and are just doing whatever the heck they want, which renders their game better content than 90% of what is on the market today. Lets Check It Out:
So first up the game is what us programmers in “the biz” call WYSIWYG, pronounced “wissywig”. It stands for “what you see is what you get”. You are a giant tortoise with a cannon and random weapons shooting at random stuff (mostly insects) for no discernible reason. You can select new locations on the “map”, which, if you capture, risk style, increase various forms of resource production. Since you’re a turtle, you walk to these locations at a hilariously slow pace while shooting random stuff down. You can recruit mice to help shoot at things with you, because the mice want to collect DNA to resurrect the human race. Yup. That’s the plot.
Then, for again no reason but that they felt like it, the devs added a mode where you can hop off your turtle and run around yourself engaging in melee combat with the bugs and picking up random metal stuff from the ground. You can also feed the tortoise (radioactive?) apples which cause it to mutate new abilities. Mostly stat bonuses, but still this is quite funny to me.
If your war tortoise dies, the game resets and your progeny carries the torch, with evolutionary mutations from each previous generation and occasional random new ones which make it stronger so you can gradually conquer more of the map. The idle mode of the game doesn’t seem take away too much so far- there’s still plenty of reason to play manually, such as when you camp and supply crates start falling from the sky.
The premium currency gets you some upgrades faster or you can also watch ads, but the devs don’t seem very greedy, they seem like guys who think its funny to let you get a butterfly wearing an army hat to pilot your “war tortoise”
Anyway I think there are still good people out there, you just gotta filter through the pollution. It is thus far a perfectly decent and honest game that lends itself to its platform. Good job devs, I will join your discord server to reward you.10
Sodium is the scientific word for salt, the same way “misinformation” is the scientific word for “reality”
The path of a potateur is strewn with hardship, misery, and loneliness.
anarcho-capitalism is when there’s no government at all and every business from banks to mcdonalds have their own minature police forces and its all enforced by just whoever makes the most money on the free market
not actually trademarked
The Duckstack employs a battery of extremely qualified professional potato advisors, such as: bobdaduck
You know. They.
Atheists are FOOLS
It took 3 hours for them to get it into the fridge, with us harassing them every ten minutes the whole time
discord is a gaming chat platform where you can join servers, instantly connecting with thousands of users with similar interests, and then never look at them again.