Assembly Simulation
Teach a man to fish, and he will spend all day swimming in a little tank
duckstack, duckstack, is this thing on?
I have been writing for so long, but none of you ever speak to me. Duckstack got your tongue? That’s okay. They are very sticky. And nonedible. I would never discourage you from trying though, even if it deprives my ears1 of your sweet, sweet words. No matter how much I write, the words just won’t come. Do you think its because I have locked myself in this dungeon2 and refuse to let anyone inside, lest they disturb my writing? I don’t think that could be it. Surely if someone really cared, they would have stormed the dungeon by now. Of course if someone wrote to me I would never read it, but that couldn’t get in the way. I am too busy writing, and what is communication if not two people writing to each other? Even if you aren’t reading this, surely3 I am writing it, and if someone else writes as well, then we will be united. Communication is a two way street. That is what I believe. That’s the whole reason I’ve locked myself in the dungeon in the first place. Because we both have to be writing, and I can’t miss my chance for you to be heard. How would I know if someone else is writing at the same time? I wouldn’t. Why does knowledge have to be a part of communication? Why bring knowledge into it? I’m talking about something on a deeper level. I’m talking unity. Communication. Writing. And in the meantime, I will take great comfort in the fact4 that somewhere out there, you’re eating my words, and they they are sticking to your tongue, and that they are delicious. I hope we can communicate through writing for real though, one day.
Questions, and Answers
be careful what you wish for
Q: Does the duckstack make a good sled?
A: Yes, The Duckstack makes a good sled.
Q: What is the best octane of gas to use for my car?
A: That can depend on a number of factors. For example, what if your car runs on diesel?
Q: That didn’t answer my question.
A: I think it did. Moving on.
Q: Should I feed ducks at the pond bread?
A: No, bread is empty calories for Ducks. Instead, consider feeding them a printed copy of The Duckstack
Q: Is that more nutritious for ducks than bread?
A: No.
Getting along
Planting a giant flag on the moon with Matt Walsh’s face on it and the text “Ain't I a racist?”
I'm not a racist. I mean I am, I'm a turbo racist, but I don't really see myself that way. People stick the label on me and I don’t believe society needs to bend to my definitions and thoughts, but I'm quite happy to acknowledge (average) racial differences while living together and cooperating in harmony. Of course, the essence of compromise is a two way street, which has led to a lot of the racial tensions we're seeing today. I personally really liked the 90s, where racial jokes abounded, but interracial cooperation also abounded. I think its basically like this: you can laugh about it, or you can kill each other over it. That's why polite lies can be very dangerous- of course some things you can also ignore, but if you ignore big things that tends to be more cowardice than humility, and what if your children are the ones who have to end up paying it? So there is a delicate tightrope to walk here, and the most broad tool for helping people walk tightropes is boundaries.
Of course, segregation is nothing new. If you leave races to their own devices they tend to naturally segregate themselves- as my friends who served a mission for the Church with me in Mississippi know well, the south remains absolutely segregated to this day, and you could scarcely talk to a black man before he would ask the natural and obvious question, “is your church a black church or a white church?” And you could tell him it was a church for all, but even as they take you at your word you know that they will be watching. Even if race isn't important to you, it sure is important to everyone else.
I trace the degeneration of racial relations to an Obama-era sentiment about “Colonization” being erasure. The idea that you “betray” your people by adopting a new culture, as though people have a loyalty not just to humans but to “tradition, in abstract”. This is, of course, reworked communism. Its not economic, but there’s definitely the subsuming of the individual to collectivism. Companies do this to their employees sometimes, pretending their employees are “family” and it feels immediately dishonest. They’re just trying to take you away from your actual family, and they try to replace family with this nonhuman entity conglomerate, hoping to hijack your God-given family instincts to serve their “productivity”. Colonization is, of course, “okay when corporations do it.”
Some cultures are good. Some cultures are bad. It is good to adopt the good parts and it is bad to keep the bad parts. If you have any obligation to your ancestors at all, it is to take the genetics and morality that they were able to work out, and to work out something better on top of it. We are all building towers and we hope to pass them on, and have them built higher in ways we couldn’t have imagined by those who come after- but it is the individual who must do it. An organization cannot pilot your life for you, because organizations are blind. We often substitute what someone else would think for what we would think- “I have to have an expensive wedding, what would my family think?”. In some cases these exterior judges are wholly imaginary. The question is whether it is right for you, and if that looks like “being colonized” so be it- but none these external judges have to live in your tower. This is all a long winded way of saying that while there is truth to racial tensions, a lot of it is smoke and mirrors, delusions which can only exist on the condition of “don’t try me”. Sometimes you have to renegotiate terms on conversion, sometimes there are some costs both parties pay. Real cooperation can be a beautiful thing, but people push back on risks. Some people never take risks at all.
One thing a person notices about polite lies, is that they really only build a relationship when both parties are looking for the relationship to work. When two parties are operating within that framework, all sorts of things can be swept under the rug. You might be surprised! There really isn’t a need to be maximally malicious all the time in the name of truth. The same thing applies to all sorts of relationships in life, most notably marriage, an environment where “you’re kind of stuck together” unless you’re in for a messy and very damaging divorce. Being hypercritical (or, as very racist types would characterize themselves, “vigilant”, is totally unnecessary in a good environment. Yes, spouses step on each others toes- everyone does- but nearly all is quickly worked out if both parties want to work together. This harmony breaks down when you find yourselves in competition. Unfortunately, we live in a “democracy”, and our “environment” is mostly outside of the people’s control. I would go so far as to say that because the government mandates the abolition of boundaries (desegregation) through the civil rights act, a state of direct competition is inevitable.
I am not happy about this because I like to get along. I am also against divorce and all forms of violent resolution to things. Minimizing collateral damage is a moral duty.
So as far as racial relations go, you can have “Affectionate curious racism” or you can have “hostile invader wartime racism”. Those are the main options. Both have costs and benefits. We had the former in the 90s, and the latter in the 2020s. (And in fact the former is not actually incompatible with racial pride whatsoever- What are the Olympics for, if not to show some countries are better at certain things?) The problem is that this requires some degree of honesty and categorization, to know what to worry about and what to wink at, if nothing else. And as society has become unwilling to tolerate risk, it has also become unwilling to tolerate discrimination, because stereotyping comes with a marginal % decrease in opportunities. However, we have also now seen that being anti stereotyping comes with a massive % decrease in uniqueness, which means nobody gets to show off their talents.
I believe this whole system goes directly against the doctrines contained in the scriptures of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, as my friend argued last month, which I reviewed last week. As the Book of Mormon makes clear as one of its main themes, we seek harmony, but acknowledge danger5, and we seek equality, but acknowledge differences6, and enforce boundaries78, and we know equality is to be pursued through exaltation, not degradation, and we know that racial strife is itself symptomatic of wickedness9, not racial traits10. Part of righteousness is good judgement- both positive and negative. Christ taught that even if you aren’t that great at keeping commandments, the kingdom of God not only includes but commends the world-wise11.
This means that warmongering is… bad. Generally1213.
The type of person who is unable to compromise with others is playing with a half deck. Of course different interest groups will have some competing interests- though most things can be rendered non-zero-sum through the drawing of boundaries14, we shouldn’t be unrealistic and expect everyone to get along, but I think honesty demands acknowledging that most people don’t even try, and I’ve seen plenty of normal marriages break down over this- when one or more parties becomes so enamored with idealism that they become unable to work with practical reality. None of these people, ever, comes out better from the divorce. Ever.
The inability to seek areas of mutual interest, however small, is terminal personality trait. The scriptures I rattled off earlier don’t say always compromise, of course. Compromise takes two. But to not even look, these people don’t end up with what they want. They end up with nothing. I can think of several prominent political commentators this happened to- people who regularly throw away friendships in pursuit of their goals or ideals, and now they are fallen from public favor, stuck in personality loops and endless cynicism. It is a sad thing to see.
And Thus We See, as the Book of Mormon would say, that those who seek hell enter it today, and those who seek heaven exist in that state also.
“I see no faults in the Church, and therefore let me be resurrected with the Saints, whether I ascend to heaven or descend to hell, or go to any other place. And if we go to hell, we will turn the devils out of doors and make a heaven of it. Where this people are, there is good society. -Joseph Smith
The History of Chocolate
Physicists have long predicted the existence of “dark matter”. But we found it. Its chocolate.
Chocolate. We’ve all seen its heavily processed version in the grocery store, in bars on racks and stands. But where does it come from? Why is it here? Where is it going? These are questions of eternal significance, and it is incumbent on every man to answer them. Here’s what I got:
Chocolate is made from something called the “cacao bean”, hopefully I spelled that right. Cacao beans come from plants, and unlike humans, grow in little pods. This is where it gets interesting.
As anyone who eats beans knows, you have to soak ‘em first, or they’re too crunchy. With cacao you don’t do that, instead you fry it. While grinding it. This was discovered probably by the Aztecs, because it makes the fat come out of it. The Aztecs were obsessed with becoming skinny.
With the fat out, you have chocolate “paste”. Yes, just like the computer command. THEN you boil it. This is the secret ingredient in hot chocolate: cacao.
But there was one problem with this: it tastes really bad. But you can cover the bad taste with sugar. This is why chocolate things you buy have “cacao ratings”. 0-2% is good. It was about this time that the English stole it
Once the English stole the formula for good chocolate, they then brought it to America, where it is now a native staple, albeit in heavily processed form.
The next stage in the evolution of chocolate was, of course, when demons from the astral realm appeared to Richard O. Marshall and Earl R. Kooi and gave them the secrets of corn syrup. These guys stuck it in chocolate, making it the most addictive thing ever, and also the most unhealthy thing ever. So the joke is really on the Aztecs, there.
You can get your hands on some chocolate at any grocery store, anywhere people and goods are found15.
New History
New year, new history
My wife went to the bathroom, and the toddler (toddlers do this) followed her. So she politely asked him to leave and “give her some privacy”, and he dutifully did, leaving to the kitchen. Imagine her surprise when the toddler returned with a bottle of lotion from the kitchen counter, asking her “Is this… Privacy?” in his sweet little voice.
The infant has started imitating, sometimes- My wife blew a raspberry on her stomach, and the baby looked up at her and went, '“pbbbbhb.”
The baby is also learning about greed. When the bread and the water were passed at church, my wife started breaking the bread into tiny pieces for her, but when she saw the big piece her eyes lit up, and snatched it, shoving the whole thing into her mouth. Granted the bread piece was small, but so is she, and it was a big thing for her mouth.
The toddler brought a cucumber and put it in his car seat. Are we bringing a cucumber? “No, that’s a snack for later.”
We told the toddler he has beautiful eyes and he said “no, I have soulful eyes.” and we were like, “what?”
Media Illiteracy
We were so focused on becoming media literate that we never stopped to ask if we should
No English professor is going to give you credit for saying the same thing as everybody else. You're in a competition for insight and if you follow the crowd you're going to get left behind. Feel free to use any of these in your next book report.
Wall-e: The future of roblox
Star Wars: Humankind’s quest for the ultimate vacuum.
Pokemon: A commentary on Roman gladiator fights, with a modern twist
Frosty the Snowman: a morality tale about child grooming gangs
Lord of the Rings: a long allegory on the groom’s role in courtship rituals
Ducksnax
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I have genetically engineered eyeballs inside of my ears which I read people’s texts with
duckgeon
Well, I haven’t done any tests, anyway.
Again, no tests. Just assuming
Alma 61:10 And now, behold, we will resist wickedness even unto bloodshed. We would not shed the blood of the Lamanites if they would stay in their own land.
11 We would not shed the blood of our brethren if they would not rise up in rebellion and take the sword against us.
12 We would subject ourselves to the yoke of bondage if it were requisite with the justice of God, or if he should command us so to do.
13 But behold he doth not command us that we shall subject ourselves to our enemies, but that we should put our trust in him, and he will deliver us.
Abraham 3:19 And the Lord said unto me: These two facts do exist, that there are two spirits, one being more intelligent than the other; there shall be another more intelligent than they; I am the Lord thy God, I am more intelligent than they all.
Alma 43:47 And again, the Lord has said that: Ye shall defend your families even unto bloodshed. Therefore for this cause were the Nephites contending with the Lamanites, to defend themselves, and their families, and their lands, their country, and their rights, and their religion.
Alma 61:10 And now, behold, we will resist wickedness even unto bloodshed. We would not shed the blood of the Lamanites if they would stay in their own land.
See 1 nephi 2:20, 1 nephi 4:14, 2 nephi 1:20, Jarom 1:9, Alma 36:1, Alma 37:13, Alma 38:1
No math professor worth his salt will give you credit for arriving at the right answer
Helaman 11:33 Yea, for they did visit many parts of the land, and did do great destruction unto them; yea, did kill many, and did carry away others captive into the wilderness, yea, and more especially their women and their children.
34 Now this great evil, which came unto the people because of their iniquity, did stir them up again in remembrance of the Lord their God.
This is actually one of the wildest scriptures I know. Luke16:8 And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely: for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light.
9 And I say unto you, Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness; that, when ye fail, they may receive you into everlasting habitations.
10 He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.
11 If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches?
The church, while incredibly prickly in its positions against homosexuality, still regularly sends ambassadors to the gay community to find common ground. What we’re looking at is strict border policy, not hostility. A lot of Christians get that confused.
Heck, I probably get that confused sometimes too. With my toddler. When he knees me in the face when I’m sleeping.
if the government lets you
the chocolate demons have tendrils everywhere