Cajole Carol
Jolly Singers and Jolly Ranchers have gone to war, a bitter sweet sound
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor Duckstacks
Imagine if you had like, really long eyelashes, you could blink really rapidly like fans and just blow people away. Imagine if your eyebrows were fans, but like not fronds, I mean like the rotary kind. And you could never turn them off. You’d be looking at someone and trying to have a serious discussion and they’d be just so distracted by your whirring eyebrow fans that they couldn’t take you seriously, it would be very frustrating. However, I think it would be good for hot places but not so good for cold places. In a hot place people would enjoy talking to you because of your eyebrow fans. You would be so cool. You would be the talk of the town1. Or, you could turn your fans up, and you could silence the town. The power is in your hands2.
Cult•ural Mar•xism
I put America in a beaker and I have discovered that abuse is wrong
It has seemed to me for a while now that one of the basic rules of respect is that when interacting with people, not to threaten them. I admit I’m a bit old fashioned, but I do not personally go around threatening people. I do believe in duels of course, but I’m not talking about formal ordinances, I’m talking about run of the mill threats to strangers. That’s not something I do
It is something that a lot of people do, however, I have noticed. Death threats are all over the place, especially self-death-threats3, because of most of society exists in a hedonist/consumptive death cult. One idea I took from Ayn Rand is that there are basically two philosophical currencies- you can trade off of either merit, or its opposite, victimhood. Those are the ideological negotiations people use. You can try to earn people’s trust to gain gifts through merit, or you can try to guilt trip them into giving you gifts out of patheticness4.
A long time ago5 my friend wrote a blog post detailing a dynamic that plays out in hostage situations, which describes pretty much every terrorist scenario. “If you don’t do what I want, bad things are going to happen”. We’re all very accustomed to this rhetoric, because its almost without exception the only language mode employed in the rise of LGBT to prominence. Especially with transgenders, who we are made to understand are sort of living suicide bombs which only Christians can defuse (by giving up your Christian beliefs and publicly renouncing Christ in favor of gender liberalism6). You might think I am being rude towards Gays. I think Gays are being very rude towards me, by talking to me this way. Examples abound:
The point is that this is very much abusive rhetoric. “If I kill myself, it will be your fault”. Imagine this statement in any other sort of context, and it would immediately be clear how petty and underhanded it is. And also vindictive- Because you’re trying to get something for nothing, using the other person’s time/effort/soul as the alchemical focus, in other words offloading the whole burden and risk onto someone else. Again, I do not believe this is a nice thing to do. I believe that if you want something you should not assume you have a right to it but instead should make a trade offer where you’re like, hey, this is how giving me the thing would make your life better.
This is where the currency of grievance comes into play- Its a classic move: If you’re merit poor, you switch wallets to increase your purchasing power. Obviously, it does not benefit me to behave as though a transwoman is a woman, and it isn’t clear that that would be good for society or my family or my extended family either in any quantifiable way, so a new play is introduced: Cause a lot of trouble, and promise “peace” in exchange for meeting your demands. I haven’t experienced it, but Thanksgiving Dinners are notorious for forcing a bunch of people with axes to grind into the same room, and then what happens is they compete with each other to be the most obnoxious so that if everyone else at the table who just wants peace caves to their perspective then they’ll get the better “deal”, because they were capable of causing a 3% worse headache for everyone or whatever. But its a wholly fabricated bargaining chip, and everyone is going to resent you for forcing them to buy your stupid monopoly money.
The entire civil rights movement was bought this way- And before the endemic of Black Fatherlessness, I think integration was already only a decade or two on the horizon, though the past is a foreign land. What I do know is that it set a template for our entire culture today- The very communism Ayn Rand fled from in Soviet Russia was proliferating here. Marxism’s slogan was “from each according to his ability, To each according to his need”, and you can see this is the default assumption in American politics in every level. The entire social currency has been turned upside down, where being downtrodden, parasitic, or useless are the primary markers for status- the coveted “Victim Class" which the entire welfare state through affirmative action exists to serve. Various factions stumble over each other to discover new and exotic micro-aggressions. It is very nearly the same situation as Christ was born to in the New Testament- The pharisees were known almost primarily for being performatively poor, constantly inventing new footnotes to the commandments for commoners to be in violation of, and through it all seeing themselves as holy for it. Christ had harsh words for such a species: Hypocrite.
One thing is for certain- what you value, you are sure to get more of..
HISTORY
Relax around children and they’ll murder you violently and sit on your corpse like a chair (you’ll live tho)
We went to visit Grandma and Grandpa this week, and it was a nice visit. We started packing the kids into the car to leave, when Jethro noticed one of the neighborhood cats, sauntering up to my parent’s door, while he offered commentary: “Look, a cat!” Jethro said. “Its going to visit grandma and grandpa.” But then the cat paused on their porch: “Oh no, it can’t reach the doorbell! what’s it going to do?” I’m sure he felt like it was quite the dilemma for the cat.
We have been trying to get chickens who are not roosters so we got some more baby chicks this week, which we have been keeping in the kitchen. This has been convenient for my wife, and convenient for the toddler, who loves to give the chickens “treats” in the form of hurled tableware and stuffed animals. Only once we have forgotten ourselves and left him unattended by going to the bathroom, only to be rushed by the sound of a scraping container being pushed along the floor, as the toddler relocated the entire brooder across the house. I don’t think he knows he was supposed to bring their heat lamp with them, which is a good thing because I would not trust him to do that anyway
“Oh, you know what mamas do? They walk forward, like Jethro! oh except when he's pretending to be a crab!”
My wife had to, for the first time in her life, utter the phrase “stop spitting on the chickens”
Cookiellations
Prominent horoscopes from the milky eggy flour sugar galaxy
Look at those stars, doesn't that group look sorta like a cookie? Actually, according to our highly rated Duckstack astronomers7, all stars look like cookies8, but these stars grouped together also look like cookies. What do the stars say about your fate this week?
Macademia Nut: You are destined for greatness, later.
Chocolate Chip: Love is in the air, it is all around you, for everyone else
One Cup Cookies: You now need 9 hours of sleep instead of 8.
Cookie Cookies: Nothing is out of reach. You have become incredibly stretchy.
Raisin: Misery loves company. Yours.
Sugar Cookie: The sky is the limit. You are far too tall.
Rice Crispy Treat: Don’t cry over spilled milk. Smile because it happened.
DO NOT CALL LIST
Do not call this list, it is not a phone number
The President of Death
Your unborn children
912
The Sun
yourself worthless
Satan
Doctor Strange
The Ghostbusters
Antarctica
Atlantis
Antarcticlantis9
Football
Feet
Skinwalker Gerald
Birds
AIDS-Giving-Hotline
You would be the talk of the town anyway probably. Knowing you, you probably already are
Well not your hands but whatever welcome to The Duckstack
A suicide threat is just as much an intent to cause damages
After a very minor itsy little self respect tax
The writer of it is very old, you see
even better if you do some public confession of how bigoted Christianity is and how enlightened you are now that you have accepted homosexuality into your heart as your lord and savior
We keep them underground in a lab with no access to the stars, following industry best practices for all scientists
Firey burny death cookies I suppose
do not research