Pensive Penance
The cobbler cobbles the road in front, the gobbler gobbles the road in back
Duckstack roasting on an open fire1
As we approach the Christmas season we are more determined than ever to give you the best Duckstack Christmas you’ve ever experienced2. We’ve pulled all the skeletons out of our closet for the occasion, and strung them up in our yard in a very menacing way, except with Christmas lights. And what’s this? Its The Duckstack guzzler! And he’s got a Santa hat on! The Duckstack sentries are little snowmen, and all the mayors are exchanging gifts. Of course, none of this is new, this is the way things always are at The Duckstack. The gifts are explosive, the Duckstack guzzler has always worn a Santa hat. But this year we are trying to make these things festive
And Christ has Overcome All
Imagine God is a monster truck and sin is little cars and you’re in this big arena and…
There is a law of physics that goes something like this “entropy exists”, and I think there’s a lot of merit to that. Objects in motion don’t tend to stay in motion, objects in motion tend to slow down and stop rather dramatically, because that’s how things work in the real world3.
D&C 29:34 Wherefore, verily I say unto you that all things unto me are spiritual, and not at any time have I given unto you a law which was temporal; neither any man, nor the children of men; neither Adam, your father, whom I created.
This means that friction is, to God, a spiritual law. Whether you eat correctly is a spiritual thing. Its all the same, it is bad to try to divide physical things from spiritual things. Entropy is also a spiritual law, and its affects wear on not just rusting metal but also your soul. All spirit is matter4, even your emotions, which are housed literally in your heart. Thus heart transplant recipients report phantom memories and inclinations, thus fasting as a physical sacrifice interacts with spiritual laws, everything. And its all subject to entropy- decay.
What holds entropy at bay? Creation, preservation, and repair. This of course corresponds perfectly to the basic principles of the gospel of Christ: Faith, Repentance, and Covenants. Priesthood, (the power part, not the authority) is a fundamentally anti-entropy force- it is God’s power that shaped the Earth and populated it, all against the forces of entropy. And the further people stray from God, the more they decay.
One framework I have is that the root of all vice is convenience and reliability. When someone is ensnared in drugs, pornography, fast food, video games, work-as-escapism, you name it, they are getting some legitimate benefit from that, and generally speaking you won’t be able to solve the problem until you can name the benefits. Fast food is convenient. It is low effort, it is fast, and it is dependably good. Are there healthier options? Yes. But they rarely have these benefits, and that’s why people choose them. Its cheap (labor wise), and its reliable. So if someone’s got a fast food addiction, you can solve that by making healthy food equally cheap labor wise, and equally reliable, or finding ways to increase the addicts “spending ability” for the labor required. Like making nutritious stuff even tastier, or by introducing things that make healthy snacks incredibly easy to access. These are all general principles, and this is all an (imprecise) framework:
Faith is an action word- it correlates to the act of planting a seed, not merely a belief in the idea that seeds grow. Faith is effort towards creating towards the better, it is motive power. Without faith we are nothing, and faith is necessary to stop atrophy.
Repentance is an action word. It correlates to the act of sealing a leak, towards halting a properly identified problem, and proper repentance means “good as new”. Without repentance, new wine will simply leak out of the old bottles. Healthy changes will not stick and efforts to exert your will on the world will be robbed of power. Repentance is sealed with sacrifice, and should feel good when it is over. No man can enter the kingdom of God without repentance, and repentance is only possible by Christ’s grace. Repentance is necessary to stop entropy.
Covenants is an act of voluntarily increasing accountability. It correlates to correct mechanical use to minimize wear and tear, and regular check ins to catch maintenance items early. Trying for longevity without covenants is insane. And we’re in the business of making things that last- God willing into eternity.
CHRISTMAS TREES: a review
Christmas Tree: An Interview
Christmas Trees: Are they Christians? Are they trees5? What utility can you expect from one on average? We’re asking the hard hitting questions today in this slam interview with one of the most famous trees on the planet: Old Sequoia.
The Duckstack: Hello Old Sequoia, I am glad your recent transplant went well. Are you finding the north pole to your liking?
Old Sequoia: Well, I’m no pine, it certainly gets a bit nippy up here, but the pay is well worth the hours.
The Duckstack: Well, at least you’re compensated decently then! Can you tell me a little bit about what’s been going on?
Old Sequoia: Oh certainly. You see I have been hired as a Christmas tree for the north pole. Nobody has had anywhere to put their gifts and cookies for old Mr Claus here, and they’ve just been leaving them in their individual houses. This slows down the Christmas procession quite a bit, so they thought it would be good to have a tree so that there would be just one location to put everything under.
D: Now that’s efficiency!
S: You might think that, but its still quite a bit of work! I’ve been getting ready all week and I’m still not done. as you can imagine hanging ornaments on a tree that weighs 1385 tons takes quite a while, so its really made me reflect on how commercial the holiday has gotten.
D: That’s a lot of lights! Aren’t there zoning laws against that?
S: Not that I know of! But is it it all really necessary? All this glam, excitement, and effort, its a real production in most places, you know that? Its not the first time I’ve been offered a gig like this but I’m getting old and figure I should capitalize on my youth while I’ve still got it, but is it worth it in the end?
D: Well the lights are pretty at least, right?
S: With this many lights, I’m probably causing untold damage to the environment. Ships are going to mistake me for their lighthouse for continents away, and all this light pollution is going to drown out the stars. If you ask me its really not very thoughtful.
D: Well if you hate it so much why are you doing it??
S: Oh I don’t know, maybe I was pressured into it. Everyone’s doing a Christmas tree bit these days, but they should be focused on the important things, like appreciating wooden furniture and the grain of paper. I do have a several million dollar contract but I’m really just not sure its all worth it.
D: Well I’m sure Santa and his Elves appreciate it!
S: Santa! And his Elves! They’re the most commercial of them all! Always obsessed with their toys, and their knick knacks, and their knicking and knacking and nicking and cracking, they are so loud, that’s another thing
D:
S: You know maybe this whole thing just isn’t for me. I’m calling an earthmover and going home. Tell Santa that he’ll have to find another tree, one who isn’t so pure in the True Spirit Of Christmas as I am!
D: Uh well, there' you have it folks. Everything you need to know about Christmas Trees! I really didn’t think it would go quite like that but she is very famous so frankly I’m still glad to have her on our show. I guess she’ll be returning to yellowstone or wherever she is from shortly, I bet nobody even knew she was gone.
Sponsored Message
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Today's Duckstack is brought to you by the beverage of my dreams7, Glizzy Fizz. Each bottle is precisely filled with the perfect calibration of carbonation to capture all but the most corpulent energy8. Its helium based, so it actually reduces your weight by quite a bit. It also has the magical property of entirely eliminating friction, causing you to skid around and collide with furniture and bounce off at crazy angles because of the weight reduction. Glizzy Fizz: The beverage of my dreams. Get yours today!9
Hate Speech
I hate that I have to speak
Fiver MacGyver shared this image with me and I think we should put it on a flag. This is everything. This is why we do what we do. Everything I’ve ever said, everything that happens in the world, you can point to this. Its perfect.
History
No kitchens were harmed in the making of this week’s history.
My wife was playing with the kid last Thursday, and surprised him with: “Bad news. PILLOW ATTACK” and threw a pillow at his face. And then took a very somber tone and he was like “and I have bad news for you!” “…Rhino’s attacking the city!10”
He’s never learned to sleep and possibly never will. He came in to us last night wanting milk, and I was still up so my wife was like “can papa do it?” and he got this shy smile and was like “no I want mama to make me milk” so she was the one to get up that time. Can’t say no to that.
One escapade this week was he was playing with these toy dinosaur eggs and was like “I’m making eggs!” and then kept telling us he was going to make eggs, but when we turned back around he had gone to the kitchen pulled a chair up to the fridge gotten out the chicken eggs mama had been saving and had deftly cracked five of them into a mixing bowl. “he’s making EGGS” my wife yelled. “Uh, yeah.” I said. “No I mean he’s LITERALLY making eggs!” which wasn’t something I even knew he could do. He promises not to cook without an adult present from now on.
The chickens are experiencing snow. I don’t think they like it.
My wife was working and the toddler was underfoot, as toddlers dutifully do, so she was explaining to him “I’m working here, you have to move”, and then our kid’s little sing song voice came from the other room: “I guess you have to run him ov-er!”
Be A Man
(existentially:) “man.”
I somehow missed this excellent post from Bennett’s Demilich, uploaded on The American Hombre substack. He talks about how certain classes of conservatives have lately been prodding with the question “What is a woman” attempting an own of sorts, but he sees a more valuable question they should be asking themselves: “What is a man?”. Because obviously there aren’t really any cultural definitions for masculinity to help a boy trying to seek his place in the world to measure himself by. It is well worth your ten minutes to read:
Ouch hot yowzers owie oof ouch
All of your Christmases have been Duckstack Christmases, but our statistics show that most of them did not have The Duckstack. A tragic oversight.
“but what about space?” first that’s obviously not a world and second space isn’t real
D&C 131:7 There is no such thing as immaterial matter. All spirit is matter, but it is more fine or pure, and can only be discerned by purer eyes;
8 We cannot see it; but when our bodies are purified we shall see that it is all matter.
Are they deer?
Since none of them exist, I am not beholden to them. In fact, they are beholden to ME
Not only is this Glizzy Fizz' slogan, it is also literally the beverage my dreams insisted I tell you about.
The most corpulent energy I would say is probably sugar or fat. This is medical advice.
How? Not my problem
He really likes spiderman