Coin Rejoin
Ancient financial trick: Use boomerangs as currency
This is how, you remind me of what I really duckstack
Not Welcome to the Not Duckstack. We aren’t here, and you aren’t home, possibly. But not too much. I’m sure you can be, but you’re not welcome. Get your own own not home and stop stealing everyone else’s1 unless you aren’t prepared for the lack of consequences. We won’t do anything. Read on to avoid finding out.
Duckstack Technology: Vacuums
No more will you have to pick your carpet clean by hand.
They say “nature abhors a vacuum”, but it really should be “nature arbors a vacuum”. This would feel more “nature-y” in my mind. But either way, vacuums are one of the five simple machines you learn about it elementary school. Levers, pullies, vacuums, gunpowder, email. You can really break anything down to one of these components, if you try hard enough. But the point to be had here is that nature does abhor a vacuum, that isn’t a lie. Nature tries to ruthlessly destroy every vacuum it sees. Its like a bull seeing red or whatever. That’s just the kind of animal nature is. People think vacuums need to be complex for cleaning carpets and stuff, but they can actually be quite simple.
You can create your own vacuum by pressing your palms together, then ripping them apart. They’ll make a “pop” sound as you tear off the skin of your hands against the pull of the vacuum you have created, overcoming the suction power and allowing nature to send in its air to remove the vacuum from existence. And all that was between nature and total destruction was you. That’s significant, don’t you think?
The Cult of Authenticity
Completely different from the occult of authenticity
One time when I was younger, I went to a panic at the disco/weezer concert. Now, I am not a regular concert-goer and my interactions with the “music scene” are mostly limited to online, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect out of a concert. I mean, theoretically music, but the point is I was new to it. First, some 3rd party frontrunner band nobody had ever heard of played a few songs to warm everybody up, then panic at the disco came out. Instead of playing music the panic at the disco lead singer decided to give the audience a lecture about his disagreements with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For half an hour.
Now, spending a half hour monopolizing a concert doing something other than what people paid for is, of course, incredibly rude and bad manners. I think. But what actually disenchanted me was the intentions behind the action. I don’t like when people wholly subsume themselves to “causes”. I think this is always bad.
I don't mind when people don't like the church- I think they're missing out, but there are a great many people who are good and worthwhile yet who are critical for whatever reason (or lack thereof). People lose two standard deviations when talking about the church, for many reasons which I won’t get into here. If someone is rabbid enough maybe I won’t listen to them on stuff but I’m not obligated to hate them the way their religion obligates them to hate me. Latter-Day Saints know the afterlife is far from binary2, because God is just- so a person being a different religion is an optimization problem rather than a catastrophic worse-than-murder hellbound course. But I don't wish to discuss the church here, other than to footnote a story Elder Uchtdorf once told about being called to the churches apostleship, where another apostle showing him around his duties gave him a sobering warning: “Elder Uchtdorf, the people will love you. They will shower you with praise and affection. Be grateful for this- But don't you ever inhale it.”
It is not good to take yourself too seriously. Angels fly because they take themselves lightly and all that- Few people really like someone with a big head, especially one they haven’t particularly earned, or at least continued meriting. When you take yourself too seriously you have to respond out of proportion to things as soon as your “self” gets involved, which causes you to lose your grasp on the situation, context, misunderstand others, and a host of other ills that one way or another render you “kind of a pain.”
There are many people online who I like and agree with but don’t subscribe or follow their posts. The reason for this is they are what I call “propagandists3”, and every single thing they do is in service of some agenda. There’s no chance of personal connection. Even when that agenda is something I agree with, I find this hard to stomach. I like their posts, but there’s no human element. Its all about pushing the line. Even when I think the line should be pushed, I’m just not naturally interested in hearing my opinion back at me. But its common when you get power to want to use it to “make a difference”. I honestly don’t think this impulse is bad, but popularity (especially online popularity) is simply dangerous for many reasons. . We even have scriptures about it. I believe earnestness is itself a virtue.
What does it mean, to be a grifter? Does it mean to be a salesman? I think not. To grift means not merely to sell but to lie- to fabricate a product, lie about what people are getting, lie about your relationship— and every salesman lies, to be sure. This is natural. Lying doesn't even mean their products are bad or won’t improve your life. But a salesman has the distinction that you expect them to lie to you. They have disclosed their position. How different this is from multilevel marketing pyramid seekers, who pretend to be your friend for hours before springing on you that they're really only in it for the money. And money can be a lot of things. Ideological devotees. Gossip. But you can see a difference when someone seeks it morally. When you care about something, you actually feel bad when it goes wrong.
Reputation is a very good way to make money. And you gotta make money, nobody should fault people for making money. I want you guys to have lots of money. But when what you’re selling is “personality”, its tempting to start buying on personality as well. “I can use my position to gain…” You sure can. But you should at least disclose you're doing an ad. You can be an honest beggar/salesman, or you can pretend people signed up for this.
I'm sure at one point the Panic at the disco guy had some very (ok, probably not, but maybe somewhat.) legitimate reason for grievance against the church, but my impression as a captive audience member was that his activism at this point had become very self-centered. He was putting on a performance, but not the one we paid for. His grievance was more of a power play than sincerity. The balance of his intentions had gone over too far to one side.
If you asked him, he might claim to be being “authentic”. He might claim to be “bringing his whole self to work.” Or, if he was honest, he might claim whatever he was on about is so important that it automatically justifies anything he might do. This is because at some point 'authenticity’ came to be synonymous with these things, and became a convenient excuse for doing whatever you want.
Acting on every feeling you have is animalistic- we don’t look at snakes and scorpions and think “wow they’re so authentic”. This is because no matter how much a scorpion lives its truth its just becoming more myopic in its perspective. The most sincere people tend to have a decent amount of humility, recognizing real truth to some extent resides outside of us, and acknowledging your perspective is your own reveals vulnerability, and that is where authenticity lies. True vulnerability is much more difficult to reveal than strength.
Pretentiousness: To write what you are not feeling, because you want to be perceived a certain way. This is different than fake it until you make it, which is all about becoming, or idealism. Pretension, by contrast, is all about power. The things you do are subordinate, you don’t actually care about them, or your audience, or whether what you say is true. Its all contrived, all about the image. You can’t control your image! What other people think about you is not up to you! But the worse part is art created in service of an image is a copy of a copy, hollow and without soul, and if that is who you seek to become, soon your real self will be the same.
Animal Facts: The Piano Man
Play me a song mr piano man
A Piano Man once went forth to Piano. He knew pianos need keys, and so he draped himself in hundreds of keys, tied to his coat, and clinking as he walked, and with each exaggerated movement of his sleeves. He knew pianos need fingers, so he had collected many. He knew pianos were similar to organs, so he brought those too, and began to play. He played and played the piano, collecting keys, and organs, and fingers. He plays to this day, and if you are bad, he might come to play for you too4.
History
Cut off my ponytail. Now I look like a kid. A very handsome, masculine kid.
I did get a haircut this week. My wife knew I liked my long hair so she kept saying “are you sure?” and I was like “yeah sure” and then when she started cutting I went “ahhh! My hair!” and she did NOT think that was funny. The toddler did though. When she went to cut more he immediately went “ahh! His hairs!”
The toddler was playing with cars. “Crash! Boom! Dead!” My wife from across the room asked innocently “who died?” and the toddler looked up and answered ever-so-matter-of-factly: “My brother.” Kind of funny. And also ouch.
The toddler tells us “potatoes can’t see very well.”
The baby says: satisfied little goat noises
The toddler was telling us about his happy memories riding rorrerdodosters for his last birthday. “Rollercoasters?” my wife asked, clarifying. “yes. Rollertoasters.”
Trying to teach our toddler how to follow rules to play games, and decided to start with go fish. In the end, I told him “you won!” and he said “yep. And you died.” I didn't know go fish had such stakes
The toddler commenting on the baby: “She’s not a walker. She’s a stander.” Indeed she is.
Duckstack Jobs
Now hiring. Not paying of course. Just hiring.
Alright times have changed and as the Duckstack has expanded we’ve identified several key areas for further growth, and marked them as strategic targets for hiring. If you or someone you know fits these roles, do not hesitate to apply. No underqualified applicants, please.
Couch Potato: Not everyone is fit for such a demanding role. We need someone to sit around, eat chips, watch TV, and occasionally yell for us from across the house. Its a tall order but its what we need. The average couch potato reduces efficiency by 33%, and we’ve determined such a player will be absolutely vital to hitting our targets. This is a low intensity position for high intensity people, and real team not players.
Slime Molder: Our projected slime production is going to far exceed capacity by 2026. And we’re expecting the market to go even harder. Join us as a Duckstack Slime Molder do get these slimes in tip-top shape to beat the competition. Under self-supervision, you will be expected to:
Shape slimes
Repair misshapen slimes
Not eat the slimes, if applicable.
If you are self-motivated and driven and love slime, why not join our team? We’ve got a home for people like you. And its filled with slime.
Donutoscopes
Just put a lens in the center
Ever wondered what kind of donut you are? We aren’t offering a quiz. If you don’t already know, deep in your bones, you are out of luck. It is too late for you. The donuts have passed you by.
Jelly Filled: You are a machine fueled by jealousy and greed. As steam and hydraulic pistons pump your movement, resounding clangs are heard, letting everyone know you are coming.
Plain Glazed: Ever wondered why you have so many eyes? The better to see you with. For the Glazer, your highest priority is maintaining your gaze. The more eyes the better. Every time each of your eyes blinks at the same time, you grow another eye, an existence of dice and mutation. Will the world look the same tomorrow? Will you? Through those eyes of yours, do things stay the same?
Chocolate: Though called sweet, you have been through a lot of processing, and have in turn learned to process others. The very essence of a thing can be transmuted, and remade, configured and combined, melted and hardened again. Process people. You have, after all, donuts to make.
Sprinkles: In the heart of chaos, organization appears, at a certain granularity nothing you do makes sense, but as you zoom out a terrifying picture starts to emerge. Nobody will believe you. They don’t understand. You will make them understand.
Long Thin Bar strudel donut thing: You’re the type of guy that likes consistent texture in larger quantities.
Novelty Holiday: As the wheel of time turns, know that you are in the driver seat. With inexorable steadiness the landscape changes, but you remain steady, constant. Though many flee, few will escape. You will always grow closer, and after all, there’s nowhere to run.
Trade Goods: Horror
Horror stories have evolved
A friend sent me a short story this week, a very well written short story, a terrible short story, vulgar and painful. I recommend it if you have a strong stomach.
Ducksnax
Breadline
Everyone else isn’t in your home so not being home yourself violates the NAP
At a minimum, Christians who believe in a literal bodily resurrection should ask themselves what happens when we die. Do we go to heaven? And then when we’re resurrected we come back? And then where do we go? What’s after heaven?
People like Auron Macintyre, Ben Sharpiro, Matt Walsh, and many others, I don’t actually like or agree with Ben Sharpiro, I just mean the principle. Being a “take manufacturer”. Even a right wing one, like most impersonal things, is rife with tendency to destroy things that matter. Its simply the risks of operating without human care.
isn’t he thoughtful?