Weather Balloon Animism
Balls used to be full of people, now they're full of air.
Red Duckstack means stop. Green Duckstack means go. Yellow duckstack signals ill portents- a storm is on the horizon. Changes in air pressure causes their joints to ache and then they turn this color.
There’s a cave in your monitor, and inside it is a duckstack, sitting by a little fire for warmth. It has had a long journey dragging a mammoth that it has slain into its cave home, and an empty spit sits above the fire. The duckstack is hardened by the many trials its been through to get here, and hunting mammoths is difficult for a being of any size, and duckstacks are not known for their stature. Welcome to the cave. We have saved a slice of mammoth meat for you. Welcome, to The Duckstack.
History
Rejection hurts, especially when it takes the form of locking you out of your own house when its really cold outside
The Little One has discovered “little knobs on doorknobs that turn”, and he feels it is his duty to turn them. Whenever we step out to grab something from the garage or to put his brother in the car, there he is, dutifully keeping the house safe “from monsters”. We’ve been locked out of our house three times this week.
I took him to the grandparents house, and his grandma has in the bathroom a decorative bucket full of every remote to every piece of technology she has ever owned1, and a nice doily framing a vase of decorative pine cones and fake cinnamon sticks and stuff. Every time we’re cleaning up after changing him, he’s there ravenously disassembling the structure, tearing at its decor to get at the succulent remote meat within2.
We’ve been doing some work on the house, and toddlers are very observant. While we were resting one day, he got the tub of plaster open and peeked around the corner with a putty knife and informed us, “I’m going to work!”, and when we got there he’d given the tub a nice coating.
Also, let the little one out for some fresh air. We drew on the sidewalk with chalk, so for the next couple days he was like “papa come play with me, papa take me to the outside and papa will chalk with me”, very cute. When we were done chalking he started toddling around singing to himself, while picking up sticks fallen from the trees to (industriously,) put them in the mailbox.
We lost a vent cover this week, and now everything is a scavenger hunt with only one hiding place (inside the boxy metal floor razor)
Internet Anonymity
A brief history of not knowing who you are.
“Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?”
I wrote a long thread a while ago on a war that has been going on for at least a couple years, which is the war between “face accounts” and “anons” in internet arguments. The idea is something like this: if you’re anonymous, you’re a coward and a knave and probably a fat slob who is desperate to escape consequences for his actions, and the reason you’re anonymous is because you just want to hurt people.3 On the other hand, if you joined the internet just using your real name and a picture of yourself4 because you couldn’t think of anything else, you are a brave warrior and a United Nations citizen and can exercise your respectability to get out of jail free like Paul did in the New Testament, and you, unlike anons, are desperate for the consequences of your actions, and the reason you’ve joined the internet under your real name is so that you can show you “have nothing to hide”5 and so that people will “take what you say seriously”. In the modern culture war, these two sides generate friction (exclusively amongst conservative groups, of course.) I will tell you why I am bobdaduck instead of whoever I am.
It is true that accounts using their name and face are taken more seriously, in a sense, but the error is in conflating 1) taking an opinion seriously and 2) respecting it, which are very different things. I have some experience with this on facebook- Very few people would ever make their own jokes, and arguments were incredibly heated. A big reason for this was that while your person is being taken more seriously (being associated with your real life identity), your thoughts were being hardly listened to. In other words, it is difficult to give a face account the benefit of the doubt in an argument. You can’t really read tone in words on a screen, and often what happens with face accounts is you substitute tone with “soul”, and assume you are speaking directly to that person’s identity, every time. This is not good for you. It isn’t good for them either, who will unconsciously tie their identity to everything they say, and feel like they really have a stake in the territory6, causing a resistance to correction and a lot more emotional investment in disagreements.
Conversely, an argument between two anonymous accounts is filtered by an understood double layer of filtration- you’re arguing with a persona, maybe they don’t have a huge stake in what they’re saying, and maybe you don’t either, so ideas can be discussed freely.
The latest thing that has brought this up is Jordan Peterson recently calling anonymity “the refuge of fiends and scoundrels”, which nearest I can tell means he not only lost an argument online but the anon called him stupid at the end of it too, so he wants to discredit the entire category of person7.
Jordan B Peterson, being one who leans heavily into Jungain aesthetics, knows, or at least aught to know, a lot about “staring into the abyss”- He would declare that anonymity is being consumed by the abyss, but this isn’t accurate- The abyss is being online. Social media, at all, is the abyss- an infinite set of mirrors reflecting around you with all sorts of validation and incentives. This stuff is dangerous no matter what! But there are lots of ways to mitigate the risk- restricting your audience, avoiding high risk zones, and wearing a persona.
“When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares into you, and when it stares into you it changes you”
Anonymity provides a “mode” or “brand” or “way of being/posting” associated with your online activity. This forms a sort of anchor to keep the abyss from changing you- its true that if you wear a mask too much you can become the mask, so you want to pick a mask that is someone you actually want to be. You don’t have to “hide your identity” but just the masking layer, it is just a prudent safety measure. Anonymity can be cowardice, but Joseph Smith, the Founding Fathers of the USA, Jesus, Moses, and others have all “hidden” behind anonymity, and completely righteously. Many highly influential documents were written behind pseudonyms, to help the focus be on the ideas rather than the people behind them. This is as true of making jokes as it is politically incorrect speech, because that’s just the type of landscape the internet is.
I think there is also a perception issue- in real life, it is easy to forget (for ourselves) just how important clothes are- not only do your clothes heavily impact how others perceive you, but they also affect how you perceive yourself! A huge step towards getting out of a funk is almost always improved grooming. In this manner, I think using the internet under their regular identity is sort of like going to work in pajamas. It is like the person who goes to Halloween as “themselves”, nobody is really impressed and it marks you as someone who festivities can’t be shared with, and often this unconsciously shapes your behavior. When it doesn’t, it often goes the other way, to the Drivers License Account taking itself very seriously. “I am myself, and I am a respectable person. You must treat me this way”. It often invites mockery, but more often hinders a person from making friends. It makes your internet account (of yourself) a product, it makes you a product, and it makes you, managing your product, into a human resources manager.
Scotch Tape: A review
I’ve recently learned of the existence of transparent tape, and I can’t believe it, you guys have got to hear about this
Like all normal people8, when I hear the word “Scotch”, what first comes to my mind is the hit 1982 Italian disco troupe, Scotch. They did some pretty cool stuff, they are groovy and funky and cool and wear sunglasses:
But now (to everyone’s confusion), they’ve9 come up with a transparent type of tape and gone and named it “scotch tape”, for some hairbrained reason. I tried, and this tape is (to my horror) as lacking as any other tape is in its discotek musical properties. So what’s the point? Well, I ran the tests, and I really hate to tell you guys this, but this stuff isn’t actually even particularly sticky. Its transparent, so its not good for masking and it isn’t even branded with ducks. The tape is not useful for packing as a weapon. Do electricians like this, this haughty “Scotch Tape”? No! So what are they doing? Why are they still in business? I spent a lot of time thinking about this and there’s really only one conclusion for where their monetization scheme is hiding within their business model:
Accessories.
It is clear that tape users aren’t content with just regular tape anymore, its all about customization these days, and in this Scotch Tape has the market cornered. Scotch tape comes by default in these cool little plastic sticks that dispense and cut the tape with one smooth motion- This isn’t a new invention to be sure, packing tape pioneered this technology but their solution is bulky and awkward. Scotch Tape dispensers fit in your pocket and spool out cleanly, almost eliminating entirely the possibility of the tape folding back on itself while you’re trying to cut yourself a slice. These dispensers come in all sorts of colors, letting Scotch Tape Kids directly express their personality with flare in school when its time to whip out the tape-rs. Imagine being a painters tape kid with your big clunky roll when all your peers have such imaginative and decorative dispensers of their own. The peer pressure to get your own Scotch Tape must be immense, which is undoubtedly the primary thing driving Scotch Tape sales. For adults, they make larger brand dispensers filled with heavy granular weights on the bottom- These are heavy enough to show class, but sleek enough that they don’t distract from the overall feel of your cubicle, making Scotch tape a go-to brand to show off at the office10.
In conclusion, Scotch tape, while not very effective, has demonstrated some really sharp business acumen in creating a niche market where they’ve been able to flourish and even outcompete other brands, both on convenience and style. If you’re the utilitarian type, I would recommend one of the older brands, but if you’re going to be hip, I’d say give Scotch™ tape a try.
Deers: A Review
oh deer
What the heck lol
Like most boomers have.
A lot of people become hoarders in response to severe deprivation earlier in life. I think clinging to a remote, like a security blanket, makes him feel in control.
I wish I was kidding; this is the argument.
removing all doubt upon whether you are a fat slob or not
This is why they have some police officers drive unmarked cop cars: to show that they are “authentic” and “just a regular guy”
The Book of Mormon calls this “priestcrafts”
There’s no people online, of course, there’s only accounts and bots. But when you’re an account too, account is as human as it gets.
If you think of something else, you’re a freak
you know, “they”.
Even jobs that don’t even require taping things, everyone has them