Echo Gekko
Pitter patter and split splat, excellent examples of the Doppler effect
The devil gets his duckstack
In theory, this newsletter comes to you in “binary code”. A series of cryptographic1 ones and zeroes received as sizzling electricity (or lack thereof) transmitted to your computer (or phone, or directly to your brain, if you were one of the lucky winners of our our last unethical human experiments sweepstakes,) where the ones and zeroes are converted to different numbers which are then converted again, until these microscopic building blocks build upon one another until eventually it forms a duckstack. In this way, while you are reading this, the electricity that governs your life2 is ducks. Ducks in your computer, cell phone, or brain, and its a beautiful thing3.
Soupy
A picture worth 242 words
In a village far away in the outskirts of russia, there is a babushka woman making alphabet soup. They don’t have a lot of alphabet in her town because they are very poor, and she can only put four or five old books in the pot, keepsakes and family heirlooms and her childhood diary which she had been saving for just such an occasion. The fire crackles and the dreary weather outside wishes it would snow, as snow would be a relief from the depressing atmosphere. It is cold and grey, and the woodpile creaks slightly as a small wind stirs through. As the pot boils she thinks of all the memories she has made, memories that are fading, as she grows old.
Her children are not present, having grown and had children of their own. It is just her with her books, and her soup.
The soup is done. She lifts the pot off the fire carefully, seeking not to strain her back. Her kids are gone but she sets a place for them, gives their seats alphabet soup. Its just boiled paper and the ink has run everywhere. This woman was never taught how to cook. Her kids made up for this by making everything in her house out of cake and chocolate and other edible things, which just goes to show how kids can take care of their parents in their old age, even when they’re no longer around.
Summer Sales
Just put ring doorbells in a cannon and fire them through people’s windows at this point
I know a person who really likes to tell people that they are very generous. One suspects that the cause of this is that if they don't tell people they're being generous then other people won't know, which is probably itself a sign that its not quite as generous as they would assume. Or presume. One in fact suspects that their generosity is in reality quite selfish.
I got an advertisement from home depot the other day, and it had a picture of a power tool and big bold letters saying “FREE” and then after you scrolled the entire page it said “*when you purchase another power tool.” Now. I am no business expert, I am not a licensed economist, I don't have a masters degree in this sort of thing, but my instinct is to say they probably aren't losing money on that transaction.
Its almost a sort of pre-emptive Indian Giving- the idea of initiating a gift-giving in hopes of forcing reciprocity on someone. Trading isn’t evil of course. It has a time and a place, but it is a form of lying when you say something is a gift when what you mean is that it is a trade. This isn’t a bright line- its normal to have expectations when giving a gift, mostly pertaining to how the gift is used, but when the gift becomes a point of extortion you become the wicked stepmother from Tangled. “After all I did for you?” But what you did was for yourself.
See the problem with salesmen isn't that they're just trying to help you, its that they don't have your best interests at heart. Not at mind, at heart. This is why things like MLM schemes are so dangerous- When someone takes it upon themselves to become a salesmen, then their incentives will align against those they care about. Sometimes a product actually will be a great benefit to someone, but this doesn't nullify the danger, because helping someone is incidental rather than causal to the purpose of making money. Payment of course can be “intangibles”- status, power, or other lifestyle benefits are plenty enough to incentivize people to seek to use others.
Of course, if you are trying to convert a life to money4 that is going to be pretty guilt inducing so its normal to justify oneself. This is where the impression of “its for your own good” comes from, a perspective more or less necessary for every salesman to have. This is never convincing to the recipient. Unsolicited advice is insulting. It doesn't have to be, but it usually is. This is just common knowledge. It betrays an ignorance or, worse, a callousness, of boundaries.
Imagine a door to door salesman comes selling lawn care or something, and you graciously let him into your house to indulge his pitch. The salesman then starts commenting on all sorts of things- “you would be a lot happier if you kept this place clean.” “those drapes would look better in green.” “you know leather couches are more sanitary, right?”
As you can see, this salesman has made a couple of errors.
Stop and think for a second, and you can observe some of the mistakes he made. “well, he was presumptuous”, or, he wasn't humble, he wasn't “listening” to the host or, he acted like they were intimate when they weren't or, he assumed the host hadn't thought of these things before, or, (this is an extremely common one) he didn't bother to think of counter reasons against his suggestions which the host may value more. There are many reasons this behavior is insulting. What does he even get out of some customer changing their drapes? Most likely a self esteem boost only. He violates boundaries so cheaply!
But the more important point is that “trying to help” is usually measured in actual sacrifice. Everyone likes to be the one in the chair pushing buttons. But if you want to actually help someone, you need to actually make their life easier for them. That means taking their goals into account and advocating for all of them, holistically, in a way that isn’t intrusive which telling them to buy things and spend time and effort on something definitely is intrusive. If it was worth spending time and effort and money on, maybe they would have already done it.
So actual help involves lowering the effective cost of what you think will make their life better. I'm not advocating “just give people money”- many things count as money, but cash is useful as a abstract transfer of value so it demonstrates the concept better- the point is that sincere help puts the other person’s goals above your own. Telling a single guy to “just date fat girls” does not actually solve his problem in a way that matters to him. Telling a woman to “just be submissive” does not solve her problems in a way that matters to her (probably. I do not speak from experience on womanism.) Telling leftist women abortion is murder does not solve their problems in a way that matters to them. You’ll never break through to someone and make progress that way.
Those are just examples of ineffective advice, of course. But what I have been thinking about this week is malicious advice, which is the basic M.O. of the “Reformer” archetype. The internet identified and solved this behavior long ago, and called it “Concern Trolling”. This can go too far- insults are a matter of manners, and manners are a matter of socialization. Some people are just socialized poorly! I’m one of them. So it is important to understand why empty criticisms would be perceived and insults, so that when you or I give advice, we do it with sincerity and genuineness, and charity and humility for our fellow man.
Do you leave room for them to disagree with you and be right to do so?
Do you give your criticism as a question, respecting their intellectual agency?
Do you offer to help directly, if they are interested?
Do you apologize if you are overstepping boundaries? Are you trying to be aware of their boundaries in the first place?
Do you insult them if they don’t agree with you5?
Do you persist in your “advice” after being turned down?
A little conscientiousness goes a long way towards harmony. This is what I believe.
Volcano
volcanowned.
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HISTORY
The toddler objecting to a bath: “No, don't scrub a dub dub me!”
Spent some time gardening in 30 degree weather with the toddler. We shoveled dirt and he used a baby shovel and it was surprisingly helpful and he was all bundled up so he didn’t even get cold. A nice bonding moment, and I think it went a long way towards resolving last weeks tantrum issues.
The baby does not like to eat brussels sprouts. The baby does like to eat raw onion off the ground.
The toddler has been feeding the baby freeze dried yogurt drops, and he hasn’t even hurt her doing so yet. Because you just know watching them that his instinct is to put it in her mouth and then just keep shoving her head back.
At church, the baby found the fire alarm. Luckily she could not reach.
Duckstack Health: Nail Clipping
so you can upload them to youtube
Everyone knows what fingernails are, at this point. I don’t know how new they are but I assume when they popped onto the scene it caused quite a bit of panic, because nobody understood the costs and benefits. They thought they were getting a Faustian deal. Now we understand more, and we know that fingernails help you grip stuff6. The drawback is you gotta clip them.
We tried all sorts of stuff. Biting them, smashing them with a hammer, but the most effective thing turned out to be inventing an entire new tool specifically for this purpose and nothing else consisting of two metal plates and a raised bump to form a quasi-spring, using the metal’s elasticity to return to the open position after each snip. Why didn’t we think of these sooner? I think we might have. I am not convinced there was ever a time nail clippers didn’t exist in living memory. They probably came with the fingernails, if we’re being honest.
Now, if you don’t clip the fingernails, they grow. By how much is different for each person, but if you imagined your fingernails as 2 meters long, that would probably be quite a problem, wouldn’t it? How would you open doors?
In conclusion, fingernails are good, but be careful around them.
Ducksnax
favors
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Previous Duckstack
“that’s not cryptographic at all” are you sure? It sure feels cryptic to me
Computers govern all of our lives at this point. Some more than others. If you were a winner of our last unethical human experiments sweepstakes
“What kind of ducks?” Well, we’re still trying to figure that one out.
Moses 5:30 And Satan sware unto Cain that he would do according to his commands. And all these things were done in secret.
31 And Cain said: Truly I am Mahan, the master of this great secret, that I may murder and get gain. Wherefore Cain was called Master Mahan, and he gloried in his wickedness.
32 And Cain went into the field, and Cain talked with Abel, his brother. And it came to pass that while they were in the field, Cain rose up against Abel, his brother, and slew him.
33 And Cain gloried in that which he had done, saying: I am free; surely the flocks of my brother falleth into my hands.
surprisingly important
Jury is still out on toenails