Haught Trot
The king of the hill is the one most scared of sledding.
Do or do not. There is no Duckstack.
My, how time flies. Buzzing in your ear, irritating, and you swat at it and it just buzzes right on to the other side. Where does time get off, treating us like this? What shortsighted fool taught time to fly anyway? If I had my way, time would be grounded. That’s right, I would put time in time out. Go to your room, time! Until I say its time to come out again! I bet time is flying without a pilots license. It would be just like time to do that. I’m reporting time. I hope there’s a reward1.
DUCKSTACK COOKING: Minor’s Breakfast
An ancient dish from probably china, to feed the workers in the mines, or something.
Alright this is a popular dish that doesn’t have a name2 or a recipe3, and is shrouded in mystery4. You will need:
1 Spare Bread
1 or more Spare Egg
1 pepper (ungrinded) (the plant) (I guess you could grind the plant it would still work)
1 summer sausage and onion maybe
1 jar of jalapenos that’s almost out
1 salt (any)
banna pepper
butter (generous)
Uhh don’t think I’m missing anything. So. You basically take a knife and dice the bread like a pepper or something, but big old dices, about the size that a gambler would be envious of if that gives you a good idea. You throw them in a giant vat over the stove and start just throwing eggs on them. Backhand, fronthand, without looking, whatever you like. You should probably crack them first. Oh also butter the pan. Cut up the pepper and summer sausage and whatever, just dump everything in and nuke it (slowly). The butter goes on later, what I want you to do is take the empty-ish jalapeno jar and pour the *juice* onto the pot. You’ll use it like cooking spray. It evaporates pretty quickly but makes for really good flavor. Then throw the butter on top so that you still have some anti-stick newtonian forces on your side. Its really easy, I would do like 5 or 6 eggs and maybe even some microwaved and cut up potato if you have it5, also you probably should not throw the onion in whole either, I would recommend caramelizing it first. In dices. Small ones, that a gambler would not envy. Anyway once its all cooking put a lid on it to make the evaporated jalapeno juice vapor humidify the bread throughout, and stir frequently. And you’re done!
Bullish On China
This is investment advice
You may not have noticed6 that I like to rant about things, especially decay. I see it as picking up litter, elegantly plucking a tiny piece of trash off the ground of our culture and holding it up in triumph, being surrounded by way more trash everywhere like, so many that the little piece I’m holding up is kind of comedic in comparison. That’s one of my hobbies.
One thing I have noticed is that competence and talent are in decline, which is unfortunate but at its root necessary for the meek to inherit the Earth. So I’m not going to rant about how incompetent everyone is these days. That would be ungrateful. Instead I’m going to rant about how apathetic everyone is these days. Its all caused by cell phones, maybe. But what we see is not only a crisis of competence, but a crisis of care. Everyone is rootless, driven adrift by wedges both economic and social beyond what any person could reasonably be expected to tolerate. When we see massive amounts of young people electing to simply defect from all social contracts, we need to understand that it wouldn’t have been their first choice- their decision making is optimized for them. How many times can a reasonable person be expected to fish in a pond after catching nothing each time? 50? 10? 300? Eating is important but most of us have things to do. I’m talking about dating btw.
I believe that it is bad to release bulls in china shops. The analogy is simple, bulls are animals and don’t appreciate glassware, so in their pursuit of happiness7 they will break many priceless things, because they don’t have time to care, they have things to do. In like manner, bulls are not really to be despised or hated8. They’re animals and what they do or don’t do is kind of your fault. I’m talking about humans btw.
In any given domain, you can almost always make up for a lack of competence with sincerity. If you’ve got two candidates and one is talented but doesn’t really care what happens to your stuff, and one isn’t that great but will take any problem as a matter of personal pride, hiring the apathete9 is a worse choice in direct proportion to how important the thing is. There’s a direct relationship, a perfect mathematical ratio. The more important something is, the more care beats out competence.
And who better to care than you? Nobody is going to care for it for you. Frankly you should count yourself lucky if you can even pay someone to care about it. Most people have things to do. I’m talking about politics.
HreeSTreee
The past… is now.
Jethro came into our bed at night and started coloring. “You're coloring in the dark? That's not going to give you good coloring results.” and he said “I’m an artist, I know what I'm doing.”
Jethro’s brother was sad in the car, so he was crying a bit. Jethro told him “Stop yelling you're hurting my ears!” and his brother replied “I don't want to stop yelling.. I sad” Which was a very lucid and reasonable explanation
Jethro told mama “if you want your belly to get big you should eat more!” He thinks we want to hear that because we're always so excited when he gains wait.
Jethro then told me: “Papa, you have so much hair on your knees!” he is learning the art of flattery so young
The toddler likes to jump on people with his elbows. “Gentle!” we say. And he using his rapidly expanding vocabulary explains: “I don’t want to be gentle. I want to sit on the mama!”
Jethro wanted me to put his brother to bed but I was busy so I told him his brother was staying up all night, and Jethro told me “He can't stay up all night! Because then he'll be exhausted!” and he spread his arms way out for emphasis
Jethro told us: “my leg hurts. I think its because it can’t carry itself anymore!”
The toddler smacked his head into the sink pretty good, once he had calmed down enough to take a breath he told us: “I needa watch TV. I bonka head! :(“
Duckstack Technology: Toothbrush
EVICT plaque from your GUMS with EXTREME PREJUDICE
Everyone I know is tired of their teeth being thick with brown mud and decay, but nobody has seemed to know what to do about it. Bang our heads into rocks? There’s been limited success, but not enough to see widespread adoption. But Grug over there was sweeping out his cave and also swept out some rocks, and had the idea: What if the rocks we banged our heads into were smaller? What if they were strapped on the end of a stick, functioning as some sort of a primitive10 tooth-broom?, so that you could get the rocks back behind your cheek pockets? And thus, the toothbrush was born.
Let me tell you, Grug’s invention is selling like hotcakes, the rocks-that-fit-in-your-mouth design is truly unprecedented11. If you want one you’ll need to hurry. Bring some coins down to Grug’s and he’ll make you one. The tooth-reaper of plaque won’t know what hit it, but we’ll know. It will be rocks.
EDITORS NOTE: "After bobdaduck reported time to the authorities, the constables promptly made the arrest. When pressed for a reward bobdaduck was told ‘there’s no reward. Community service is timeless.’ bobdaduck could not be reached for comment
Except that I just told you the name? but I mean its kind of like stir fry its not like there’s any ingredients or principle behind it
That has never, even once, stopped me before
the mystery of “will bobdaduck ever get to the point”: Yes. Just this once
I won’t blame you if you don’t- I didn’t list it in the ingredients. Remember the parable of the 10 virgins.
I would never assume my readers are literate
IDK what makes bulls happy. Goring people?
Ah, a cow. My mortal enemy.
Please welcome our olympic apathetes oh wait there's nobody showed up again
This is an expression- remember, rock toothbrushes are the most advanced thing we’ve seen all year
Never before. Never after.