Space Ace
I'm a astronaut golfer, from this void a black hole in one is par
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of duckstack
have you considered falconry with duckstacks? With a stack of ducks on your arm, I think you would look quite regal, even kingly1. The more ducks standing upon each others shoulders standing upon your arm, the more authority you would have. Your neighbor (the peasant) only has two, and there's not even a mated pair. You know you are superior to him, with your five. But you just can't escape that nagging feeling that his are better trained than yours. He sends them out each morning to hunt and always seems to have bread in the evening, which he doesn't share with them because he knows bread makes ducks sick. He gives them rich wine from his own goblet2. You look at your own falconry duckstack. Fat, lazy, never worked a day in its life. But your duck stack is taller than his. Your duckstack is still taller.
Gills
Can’t breathe underwater? Gill issue.3
The Boomer generation is abnormally susceptible to phishing scams. There are a lot of reasons for this, but one of the primary reasons is that the internet was just remarkably new, and they had no reason to anticipate scams of this type, on that scale, from those vectors. Why wouldn’t they believe an ad that claimed they just won a trillion dollars? If someone goes up to you in real life and says you’ve won a giveaway, its usually sincere! To this day old people are the primary targets of the majority of phone and email spam. The younger generations are vulnerable to something different. Even the generation that grew up with the internet, most people are not ready to have a relative call them and beg for money, except the relative is an AI, and the voice is being generated in real time with a simple script in response to what you say. I predict a very similar thing will happen to Millennials with these AI generated scams, called “deep fakes”. The political implications, of course, are massive. The generation after the zoomers (such as it exists) is probably going to grow up having to start every phone and internet conversation with “what was the name of your first pet” or “what is your mother’s maiden name” just to make sure they’re talking to who they think they are. We already have an AI president.
I’m not catastrophic about this. Just like Millennials are basically immune to Nigeran prince emails, the next generation is going to grow up with full 1984 style propaganda acknowledgement organs and will develop extrasensory doublethink to deal with the psychosis, and will largely turn out “all right”, other than, you know, the lead poisoning. The whole environment is toxic, because its connected to the internet, and there’s no way around that. I couldn’t feed my family without a cell phone4.
The internet is poison in the water. Children will adapt, but even children who grow gills to survive underwater will still be effected, because its poison. You can’t mix virtuality with reality and expect people to remain competent at both. I wish you to read my friend Randy’s frustrations on the subject before continuing. To inhabit an avatar is to detether and enter “catered reality”, and at every level people who come to expect catered reality will have difficulty interfacing with harsh reality, which is what we see on a societal scale today5.
The virtuality-reality problem brings to mind the mind-body problem. The nature of the soul is to be a spirit conjoined with a body. A short proof from Joseph Smith: If eternity has a beginning, then its not eternal. God promised his children will live forever. Therefore, God’s children are eternal beings, of the same kind as God6. You and I lived as spirits before being born into mortality on Earth. The reason we take to the internet so naturally is because the internet closely resembles the state we were in in the pre-existence, of communication without bodies: instantaneous, effortless, processed through wholly mental organs.
We know that Lucifer fell from heaven and became Satan. This fall caused him to never gain the opportunity to receive a body, and now he seeks that all men might be miserable and bodyless, like unto himself. Thus, he tempts men to despise their bodies, mutilate them, destroy the bodies of others, and so forth, and when he cannot do so, he tries to bring men to his level. Pornography users report developing an attraction to “scenes” or scenarios rather than specific people or attributes- pornography is experienced as a disembodied, perceptive third party. Which is exactly how Satan experiences the world. Coincidence? No. An entire machine, with millions of hand-baked incentive gradients, all to get you to regress. “Life was so much better in Egypt”.
dental tips
Your Teeth! ha ha
I believe Freud, or Jung, or one of the other psychiatric witch doctors identified “your teeth falling out” as one of the most common dreams, which they say is an analogy for “worrying about losing stuff7”. Please enjoy these 5 Spooky Halloween Dental Tricks for preventing loss and sleeping soundly at night.
Cavities are one of the most common forms of tooth decay (loss). To stop plaque, simply coat your teeth in sugar, like a warm winter coat. alternatively use saran wrap
Pre-empt tooth loss by pulling out all your teeth, and boiling them in a juicer. This is what the tooth fairy does. The stem cells inside teeth, children’s teeth specifically, transform the tooth juice to the nectar of life. That’s how the tooth fairy has managed to live so long. Its a racket
Brushing your teeth prevents tooth decay, so invest in a flavored toothbrush. Just walk around everywhere chewing on it like a lollypop. People will envy your lack of tooth decay guaranteed or your money back8
Sometimes you see spies in movies use false teeth with cyanide pills to escape interrogation by killing themselves9. We have identified this is inefficient, and have modified the teeth into fangs. Just bite the other guy dude. No reason to take it yourself lol10
You do need to floss, but you don’t need to take it back out. There is no law keeping you from hoarding as much floss as you want.
History
The mind of a child is a set of all sets, they make no distinctions
“Mama, you’re my best friend. Actually, candy is.” His mind makes no distinction between human and candy11
“We are a pooping family. Because we all poop.” Do you see how keen this kid is
During the process of my wife juicing grapes there is a sorting process for bad ones. Jethro asked: “Why are you throwing that grape away?” and she told him “Because it was squishy,” and then asked him “Are you squishy?” and Jethro replied “No, I’m your squish nugget! (this is something we call him because he is cuddly)” and then he added “besides. I would not fit in the trash can.”
We visited a relative who has a dog, and the toddler spilled some of his juice and the dog came and started lapping it up, which really upset the toddler, and he started saying “My juice doggy! My Juice!” frantically. Did the dog listen? No. He got over it when we got him more though.
My wife asked the toddler “please don’t climb on me” and the toddler replied “excuse me, I’m climbing here”, he is not as gentlemanly as his brother
marshmallow staroscopes
4 out of 5 dentists recommends: The Duckstack12
What are constellations made of? Marshmallows. They sit in the great big hot chocolate in the sky adding flavor and texture to an otherwise flavorless and textureless blackness of space. “But how do they govern my life?” Like this:
Largeshmallows: The larger, 2 inch marshmallow stars govern your ability to quantify workloads. Have you ever under or overestimated how much effort something would be? Your largeshmallows are out of whack. Tell your boss this.
Colorshmallows: When a starshmallow comes in a variety of pastel colors that are so faded they look pretty much identical, you know you are dealing with trouble. Colorshmallows come in small and large varieties, which is why one constellation is called “ursa minor” and the other is called “ursa major” (its the starshmallow size). When your starshmallows are colored, you know you are about to experience mischief, due to these starshmallows governing your ability to get jokes. If a joke goes over your head its the starshmallows fault. Also if a joke offends someone, you can rest assured and tell them that its “just that time of the month” for them, they will be extremely understanding
Plain White Starshmallows: These govern how coordinated your fashion sense is. Some people just have a lot more of these in their astrology, there is nothing you can do.
Micro Starshmallows: a full fifth the size of the already small plain whites, these are the equivalent of the marshmallows you find in hot chocolate packs as a token gesture from the manufacturer, that they want you to think your hot chocolate is luxury, but they don’t want to spend actual money making sure that is the case. Micro starshmallows help you to remember things, and some people don’t have as many as others.
If you’re like, a duck king or something
idk if wine is healthy but they eat grapes and stuff, right?
Stole this from someone on Xwitter, don’t remember who sorry, I don’t think it was you Rollo
At current wage inflation, non-internet jobs pay about 1/6th what was essentially minimum wage 50 years ago. Burger flippers made $3.85 an hour in 1990 and a burger cost $0.70 - which means a burger flipper was making 5 hamburgers an hour. One hour of work, five meals. That was cost-of-living. In 2023 a burger costs roughly $8 (my estimate) which means a burger flipper is now making around 1 hamburgers an hour. To be making the same as a 1990 burger flipper (5 hamburgers an hour) you today would need a wage of $44 per hour. Which is $90,000/year. This is generally speaking non-feasible without modern internet, either to get through college courses, to code, or work any job with computers. Many companies demand you put an app on your internet-integrated cell phone, and even email (and I bet land mail, the post office) will require “2 factor authentication” to do anything. You simply cannot eat the same as a 1990 burger flipper if you opt for the Amish route for dealing with technological demons.
We have to travel back in time and kill Ivan Pavlov.
There are, admittedly, many differences between God and I, unfortunately, thank God for his son Jesus Christ and the atonement
they were total hacks lol
“people didn’t envy me enough” yea prove it bucko
to death
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Its good for parents to be friends with their kids but they don’t have to be their best friends. My wife will live
this is not legal advice
Brilliant..
A thoughtful Duckstack