Intermission - Cope Rope

Just enough cope to rope yourself with

A Duckstack is both a particle, and a wave, and a stack. Of ducks.

Art: Tommy Ingberg

I’ve been thinking about this quantum stuff, and I get the basic theory that nothing is real and secretly things don’t make sense or work, but realistically, who is going to be in enough places at once for it to ever matter to them? When I hit you with a hammer, will your quantum physics save you? The quantum physicist, lets call him Schrodinger¹ must answer “I don’t know”, to be consistent with his quantum doctrine, but does not this demonstrate that the whole mathematical substrate just exists to delude people out of believing what is plainly before their eyes (my hammer)? If I were to invent an entirely new field of mathematics, and I have, I would want to make sure its really applicable to real life. I would want to make sure that it could save you in a bank robbery² . Can a bunch of strings from string theory stop a bank robbery? I don’t think so. But can a bunch of Duckstacks printed on bulletproof paper serve as a shield in the event of a firefight? Probably so.

Intermission - An Explanation

Every seven course meal needs a pause. This section is sad, and if you do not want to read sad things please skip it.

Today’s Duckstack is an intermission issue. I try not to do these very often, but emergencies happen, and we are currently in one of those times of crisis. Our oldest son, Jethro, has been diagnosed with a more or less terminal form of brain cancer.

My thoughts on this are far too jagged to convey with clarity. We are in a lot of pain, though I probably don’t need to tell you that. With treatment, we should be able to stun and delay the cancer’s progress. He continues to be cute, and often upbeat throughout the day, and in this vicarious Duckstack relationship you’ve got with him I’m sure you will be able to share many more good times. The Duckstack has always in part been a journal.

I have been reluctant to talk about this, because, you know, what you put on the internet is frozen in amber, and that includes every degree of real intimacy and vulnerability you allow- I want our kids to have great memories of themselves to read when they grow up, and I want people who read The Duckstack to get a taste of our family's normal joy; in other words we’ve always aspired to be “a fountain, and not a drain.” I haven’t wanted to make our son famous, because he is little, and what if he doesn’t want to be famous when he grows up? I don’t want to “tell people our cancer story”, I don’t even want to have a cancer story, but this is what God or nature has given us. Joseph Smith went through losing a child five times- Am I greater than he?

Q&A:

• What type of cancer is it? Medulloblastoma, group 3, metastasized and relapsed.

• Do you have a gofundme? I hate being asked this question, because its like begging, right? There is a huge swallowing of pride to ask for help, and it is painfully humbling to accept it. However, Jethro’s needs aught to outweigh my desire to “pack it alone.” I have reluctantly set one up: https://www.givesendgo.com/G9TTA

• What is the prognosis? If we do not find effective treatment, less than a year.

• How did you find it? He started losing weight and vomiting daily, and then his ability to balance started to decline. Our pediatrician told us that he was probably just lactose intolerant.

• How has treatment been so far? There are many downs but also many honest ups. Jethro has optimism and wit.

• How are we handling this? The same as anyone would, I imagine. You don’t really “continue life as normal” but the day to day scripts and habits keep running. Everyone has their little copes and vents, and sometimes they’re enough to stave the crying off.

There is an element of guilt to being the bearer of bad news. I feel like its important for honesty though, since there is so much love towards him. And maybe being honest about our situation at this point could bring about some good in the world. Thank you for being with us.

HISTORY

Hi, Story

“Let me tell you about my favorites: I like corn dogs, and dinosaur chicken nuggets.” Do you like Ice Cream? “Yes.” Do you like French Fries? “Yes.” Do you like Beef Tartar? “yeNO” I almost tricked you! But then he thought for a second and he was like “Okay, here’s the plan. we’ll have a little bit of beef tartar for dinner, and we’ll make papa eat it. And once he’s done, then we’ll tell him that it is gross.” How… Thorough.

“mama I can’t talk right now I’m in a race with my brother. I wanted to win but he cheated.” “How did he cheat?” “He ran faster than me”

Mama, do you like Red? “Yes, I like red.” “Do you like pink?” “Yes, I like pink.” “Do you like brown?” “I like some brown, but my favorites are dark reds and greens.” Volunteering this information offended him deeply: “Mama, I’m teaching YOU the colors.” Sorry, didn't quite pick up on what we were doing there kid lol

Jethro was eating a popsicle and it fell to the ground, causing tears and staring at it and then saying: “apparently my popsicle lost its balance!”

HISTORY: The Apocalypse

The toddler has started pulling chairs around to climb onto counters. This is not a drill.

1. No relation to his cat

2. ideally you would not be the perpetrator in this scenario or I will have to get the mayors