Process Progress
New moonwalker, crescent moonwalker, when he reaches full moonwalker it is over for you
duckstack is evolved from dinosaurs
Today's duckstack as ordered comes straight off the frying pan and into the fryer. Have you been watching our cook? She is very impressive! Do you see how she juggles Duckstacks between five spatulas which she is also juggling? That takes some real skill, some real coordination. I give her performance a B+.
Remember your duckstack comes with a side of either freyes, which are the deep fried eyes of the potato, onion rings, for those on their anniversary or honeymoon, honeymoons, which is where we douse the moon in honey and then bring it down for you to eat (this is slightly more expensive1), moshed potato, which are whole potatoes tossed lightly together to the sound of Metallica, or streamed veggies, which you will be able to watch while you eat. Enjoy! or as we say in France2, big appetite!
DUCKSTACK TECHNOLOGY: water
We’ve done it, we’ve invented water
So here’s the deal. We’ve got freshwater (hip, stylish, popping) and saltwater (bitter, jaded, surly). These two types have been at war for centuries. Freshwater water lives in rivers and streams and lakes and stuff, and saltwater mostly lives in oceans or in glasses of water you poured a lot of salt into3. This homunculus saltwater is wholly artificial but seems to serve all the purposes of genuine saltwater water (bitter, jaded, surly).
If you’re a little bit confused on how to tell the difference between these two species, try this: Freshwater hydrates, and saltwater dehydrates. If you don’t know what you’re drinking, just drink a lot of it and pay attention to how you feel. If you feel fresh, its probably freshwater water, and if you feel like you’ve been poisoned, or that you’re losing your sanity4, you’ve got saltwater on your hands. Saltwater is extremely dangerous! So it is vital you learn to tell the difference, and every survivalist should memorize these things, and take such memorization just as seriously as they would the stripe pattern on a coral snake.
Now, this is further complicated by the fact that water of any kind comes in not one not two but three distinct states, namely solid, liquid, and gas. If you don’t know what those are, think about your encounters with water: have they been splashy, floaty, or clunky? This should help you determine which state you are dealing with. Remember, saltwater is highly venomous and can even be aggressive, so it is important saltwater water, of any consistency, be disposed of as quickly as possible following state guidelines for hazardous material disposal5.
If this stuff is so bad, how come the FBI isn’t involved?
Water (as of the time of writing) is a totally uncontrolled substance. This means the government cannot, and will not, regulate it. Everybody knows that if you banned it, people would just make saltwater in their bathtubs6 and open illicit saltwater vending shops under the control of organized federal crime rings7, so the king has opted for a hands-off approach. Don't put it on your plants, don't put it in you, don't try to pressurize it into a scuba tank and breathe it underwater. Hopefully common sense can rule the day but for the sake of our readers, stay safe out there. For those worried, All Duckstacks are made 100% fresh, right down to the water. So you can rest easy with The Duckstack Guarantee™8 that we are a fully organic and humanitarian shop.
Whence cometh trials
Where do they come from? Why are they here? Where are they going?
I was asked this week “Why does it seem like sometimes God gives people challenges they’re not equipped to succeed in?”, and I thought this question might be of broad interest to The Duckstack’s loyal, respectable, intelligent, and incredibly fashionable free-tier subscribers9, so I will reproduce a bit of what I came up with in our conversation here.
First, sometimes God gives insurmountable challenges to make you rely on him, as in John chapter 9, Ether chapter 2, and Jacob chapter 4. This can be either to increase your trust in him, or as a sign to those around you, but either way God can do more, and accomplish more, when faith is increased.10
Other times, weakness and sin is to keep you humble, as in 2 Nephi chapter 4, or when Paul talks about the "thorn in his flesh" which he prayed to have removed and God said no. Sometimes this condition is temporary, in which case the attitude that you need to try to take is "what attitudes and intentions could I change in myself, so that I would use this blessing properly if God gave it to me." Like I have written briefly before about sign seekers, there is no benefit to God converting you through some miraculous sign if you aren’t then going to serve him! Thus signs are for and follower believers. So if I want God to give me idk, the gift of tongues or something, the first question God is going to ask is "what are you going to do with it?" and I had better have a really good answer.
Thirdly, challenges and trials and sin are sometimes a product of the mortal world, common to all flesh since the fall of Adam, and not necessarily God giving the trial. It is only on Christ's generous loans of grace that we can overcome these sorts of things. I once crashed my car and I was angry and praying about it at God and the voice of The Lord came to me and said: "it rains on everybody dude get over it".
Fourth, the purpose of God sending us here is so that we can grow, and this is accomplished meaningfully when we are given resistance to push against, just like exercise. As God has said: “Hebrews12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” So a trial that looks insurmountable may very much be something you are supposed to grow strong enough to overcome, even if it isn’t possible immediately. In these cases, your play should be to start taking on side quests, like random other things, or working on keeping some other unrelated commandments which you struggle with. Maybe you need to adjust your position to gain more leverage. Sometimes, often even, the issue is not with your muscles, but with how you are applying them.
To recap11:
To show the glory of God
To humble you
Sometimes things just happen
You are supposed to grow
No matter which way you cut it, you are supposed to suck12, its supposed to hurt, but that’s okay. That’s got nothing to do with Him, and He’s still there, and His arms are outstretched still. God’s love really is, reliable.
SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS
natural lighting, and… unnatural lighting. *shudders*
Holy cow, lightning be buzzing out there. The lightning bugs float about, little lightning bolt shaped insects, flitting through the air, with their little tiny arms hanging down, light enough to drift upon the air currents like a parachuting spider. Occasionally the lightning bugs bump into you and give you a little zap of static electricity13. Just so you know. It is affectionate, but also a warning. Little zaps like this are how lightning bugs honk their horns, since they can't really steer so its just a big game of bumper cars out there. Bugs live such exciting lives!
history
Shoveling history into the train’s engine to keep us going through winter
Saw a smartcar carrying a load of tires this week
Mama told the kid she loved him and he was like “nope!” and she was like “what?” and then after a pause he was like “you know what that means.” and she was like “uh, no I don't” and he informed her “you've got the wrong kid!”
“I’m gonna do something funny”: knocks over water bottle
“I'm super why! boom, boom! Well actually he reads. But I can't read!” so I guess super why booms now
We’ve had this teenage rooster for a while, and he has had what we will call a rough life, because he’s lost his entire flock twice and spent years in solitary isolation so that the adult chickens don’t make fun of him14. Well, he was becoming a little neurotic, so we figured "hey, lets give him some babies" and chucked all our baby chickens in with him (he is 8 weeks old and they are 4 weeks old). Well, he didn't take great to them, but they took great to him, following him everywhere and flocking underneath him. Say congratulations to our baby rooster, who has become a mom!
The kid has forgotten how to sleep through the night (in truth he never learned) and only sleeps in our bed or with us lying on the floor next to him again. If we’re lucky enough we might be able to upgrade him back to the model that would sneak into our bed during the night because then at least he wouldn’t be disturbing our sleep1516
Blew off my fingers but its okay because we got the light up & its pretty cool
The kid, pulling out some bubblewrap: “its a BRIDGE! I'm going to add it to my bridge collection!” his what
Found one of the toddler’s bottles out in the yard. What was it doing out there? Grazing, I assume.
shower thoughts
Maybe God likes it better when you sacrifice sins you like more than he likes it when you sacrifice sins you dislike.
Jeremiah 1:5 is to give him testimony- Jeremiah, you actually *are* a prophet. so when you're surrounded by false teachers you don't need to doubt yourself.
Skyrider - Every Day of their Lives
Doesn’t this speak to you?
if moons are out of season for example, this cost will go up significantly
This is why we don’t visit France. So that we will not say this.
patent pending
I don’t know if salt water actually does this, its just what I seen in kids cartoons
If you can’t find any state guidelines for this (your problem, lets be honest), just drink the water. You get them before they get you. These things usually come down to whoever has the initiative to make the biggest pre-emptive strike, so don’t be caught lacking.
Hopefully we can get that patent going soon!
Not so different from everything else in America really
Not Actually Trademarked
unfashionable subscribers: feel free to eavesdrop
Mark 6:5 And he could there do no mighty work, save that he laid his hands upon a few sick folk, and healed them.
Moroni 7:37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain.
38 For no man can be saved, according to the words of Christ, save they shall have faith in his name; wherefore, if these things have ceased, then has faith ceased also; and awful is the state of man, for they are as though there had been no redemption made.
There’s a couple subcategories that aren’t mentioned here, such as “this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting” but they still kind of fall under the other headings. I had to jump my car this week and it wasn’t working because the jumper tool only had 75% battery, but it needed just a little more juice to actually get the car to start. You can always ask yourself “am I juicing at a full battery?™” I have trademarked this, it is my new catch phrase, but I give you full permission to say it as your catch phrase also
Mosiah 2:25 And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you.
lord help you if you ever get zapped with kinetic electricity
brutally murder him for the unforgivable crime of being male (commentary)
I have not slept in three years
thats why the duckstacks so good