Traits Trembling
please... My traits... They are so trembly
If a Duckstack falls in a forest, does it make a sound?
Friends, mayors, gentleduckstackers one and all, it is tree time1. Grab your hatchets, grab your ducks, and depart from us- it is time to hunt some Duckstacks. I don’t want anyone to get injured here2, so lets go over some safety rules.
RULE 1: Your hatchet is your body armor. “Stay strapped”, as they say. At all times, keep your hatchet tied firmly to your chest.
RULE 2: Place duck firmly against Duckstack, and give it a firm tap against the rump, wedging the duckstack apart. Make sure duck bill is oriented towards Duck stack, and the dollar bill is oriented firmly towards your wallet.
RULE 3: Stand back and allow Duckstack to fall completely before beginning harvest.
RULE 4: Wear a bright orange vest at all times. Duckstacks are attracted to style.
RULE 5: Do not hunt more Duckstacks than you have tags for. Once your truck bed is full, take them home so that there can be enough for everyone.
Many of you Duckstack veterans already know the drill, but HR requires these rules read each Duckstack hunt so that we don’t face any charges for liability3. If you feel you’re in danger, please call an assistant, by aggressively pointing at someone who is only mostly busy, and saying “Assistant.” This forges a blood pact where they have to fulfill one Duckstack related task for you. This works on everyone, even me4.
Now that all that red-tape’s out of the way, happy hunting!
Asherah Blood Cults
Historians mostly agree that when the Old Testament uses the phrase “Under Every Green Tree” that this is referring to Asherah shrines, which in popular understanding meant temples to practice fertility rituals in and in general celebration and religion focused on femininity. Though Asherah was originally conceived as “Eloheim’s wife”, the people used this notion to dive wildly astray from God’s commandments. Priestesses at these tree shrines often engaged in ritual prostitution, abortion, all sorts of stuff, and there is a certain type of woman who does all this same stuff today5. Always, always, in the name of “divine femininity”6.
Generally speaking, women trend towards compliance and men tend towards extremes. What this means in practice, is that women have reliably decent competence in many areas at once, where men are often highly competent in their areas of focus and lower competence in areas they’re unfamiliar with. Hence the archetypical “airhead genius” is male; The brilliant scientist— who can barely take care of himself7.
Men also tend towards risk, while women trend towards safety, hence the sensible increase in conformity. While big risks can have big payouts, that sort of gambling is statistically unreliable. Unless the costs are kept low, the modal woman will prefer steady increase, generally speaking.
An area women excel at is in memorization and transmission of rules- they love to pass tips and tricks among themselves, for example this accounts for the overwhelming success of pintrest among almost exclusively females. Pinterest is full of life hacks, decoration tips, art and design, very practical stuff, and men want almost nothing to do with it.
It is this pragmatic nature that makes women extremely good as “keepers”, both in hospitality and as teachers. Their desire for stability also lends itself to tasks they apply themselves- They incentivize making things want to last. This is actually something women seem to bring to movements- pro-abortion and pro-life movements, for example, are some of the most heated and loyal movements, in part of their extreme composition of women. You do not see many huge marches full of men demanding “fiscal government spending”, even though most men agree with such a thing. This anchoring factor women bring when they believe in or accept a set of values is irreplaceable by male energy. It can be detrimental in environments (such as business startups) which require high flexibility, but for things you want to last, such as a family, a woman’s role is essential. This requires, however, real buy in from the woman. It can never be forced.
I recently came across some outrage porn:
I take no pleasure in being a cynic, but I do not believe the mother is being particularly selfless here. She’s thinking of her kids, but her children are extensions of herself. That isn’t wrong, of course, but when a woman objectifies her children, it leads to an archetype called the “devouring mother”, or, sometimes, the “oedipal mother”. Her children are props in a skit, a narrative about how benevolent, and selfless, and how incredible of a martyr she is. Part of my suspicion for this is borne from having read many other of her comics, which all focus on the resentment for her husband ruining her selflessness, and how in the way of her efforts he is. This enables her to feel like a martyr twice, and get a double high, which she then blows onto social media for a triple reinforcement. This resentment is a recipe for unhappiness, but it can feel so good to feel justified that many people, male or female, can be easily swindled into thinking that it is a good price.
Read Randy of the Egg Report for more thoughts on how narratives can shape ourselves:
Tree Facts
Dangerous trees and where to find them
Quaking Aspen - Quaking Aspens are all one organism, and every aspen tree anywhere on the earth is connected to their hivemind. The only way to kill a colony is to kill the queen.
Apple - Apple trees come in many varieties, from red delicious to golden delicious, none of which are. Apples eventually decompose into dirt, which explains their propensity for getting worms.
Weeping Willow - Willow trees are one of the only varieties born with a soulmate. However, they are immobile, and will never reach each other. This is why they cry.
Cherry - George Washington in a famous story8 cut one of these down. It was his parent’s favorite, and his conscience weighed upon him, causing him to voluntarily confess. This earned him the nickname: “Honest Abe”.
Christmas - Christmas trees are an annual type of tree native to the North and South poles. This is why they sprout in the winter. They are Santa Clause’s favorite, and light up when you shoot electricity through them9.
Pine - Originally invented as a kinetic bioweapon in world war 2, pine trees have been since refurbished as “evergreens”, meaning trees that stay green, no matter what, even if you paint them a different color. Pine tree fruit is called “pine-cone”, and was considered a delicacy by soldiers in the trenches10.
History
Has anyone been counting histories? We are one short.
“Papa, I have an idea. I’m pooping!”
“We” butchered “our” first “chicken” this week. I came home one day to only 9- Evidently, her irritation of its crowing was more than enough to overcome her squeamishness. Anyway after she made him into soup she texted to ask if it was ok if she killed one of our chickens. It was. It also feels really good to be eating meat that wasn’t factory farmed.
“papa I don’t want you to know that I’m drawing on myself." Uh, okay I’ll do my best
My wife is mad at me, because of something I did in her dreams. She woke up and immediately started lecturing me about how “you can’t just give our car away, we need that!” she is still mad at me I think and I’m not sure how to make this right
The Little One bit his tongue eating oatmeal, causing him to stick it out at us, and demand we “kiss it better”. Thankfully, this is why they invented “blowing kisses”, which seem just as effective.
The bank sent me a birthday present of “please take a loan out with us”, how thoughtful
Book Binding
My wife requested this section in a dream, and I can hardly deny her
There is a lot of hullabaloo in fantasy media about the wisdom of trees but this is wrong, trees are actually extremely stupid. Try asking a tree a math equation sometime, or administering to one a critically standardized IQ test. IQ tests include time to answer in the scoring, and while trees do live to astoundingly high ages11, this doesn’t seem to aid their problem solving abilities at all.
They only get smart once some human turns them into books, and even then its an extremely dicey proposition12. If you’ve ever read a book, you know what I mean. I mean, with how stupid trees are, its not really the humans fault, can you blame them? They don't have a lot of good material to work with, what with how stupid trees are. Cramming wisdom into something like that? Its a task! That’s why I write on ducks.
What do you write on? Leave a comment, below!
Right after tea time, which I abstain from religiously
we’ve had so many casualties
we’ve had so many casualties
we’ve had so many casualties
I would not recommend clicking this link if you are sensitive to blasphemy, but this sort of stuff has always been quite common on social media, because “extracurricular” theology groups easily remove the participants from any sort of feedback loop.
This does not preclude the existence of divine feminine, it means that there are certain laws governing human relation to her. Such as “Dad said no, so I will ask Mom.” and “Mom would agree with Dad, so I will present it to her in a much more dishonest way and take her assent as license”
My wife wonders “If you can’t even take care of yourself, are you actually that smart?” And I tend to agree with her
Completely made up, just like all famous stories are
actually normal trees do this too come to think of it
We know better, now.
like at least 10 or more
Amazon books by prominent political figures get like 300 copies sold and like 10 reviews. All the rest goes to money laundering. In quarters.
The chicken 😂