Woven Token
In the string theory arcade, the knitter is king
The hills are alive with the sounds of Duckstack1
We’ve all been where you are, us Duckstackers. We’ve all been there, opening and reading The Duckstack, in their email, on the website, or on a mobile device. You’re not alone. You don’t have to live this way anymore. Through this experience, you can unlock unfathomable potential. And nobody can stop you. Your will is inviolate. Your eyes glaze each line, hidden from the all seeing eye of the government, impervious to your enemies, who would surely stop you if they could. The very act of reading this is revolutionary, practically a super power, and you didn’t even have to fall into a vat of radioactive waste to gain it.23 What will you do with this new power? What will you do with this new responsibility? Will you rise to the occasion? Or will you choke? Only you can tell. Yes, even I, with my nigh-omniscience, do not know if you will use your Duckstack Reading Powers to their maximum potential. But I’ll tell you one thing4.
I’m excited to find out.
CHAPTER 1: The Start of the Section
Chapter 2: Rising action, anticipation, conflict and tension
Chapter 3: Climax, resolution. Cliffhanger
Cats: A Parable
Ever seen two cats together? That’s called a clowder apparently5
Once upon a time there was cats. They were a mammal with four legs, fur, whiskers and a tail. If you dropped them, they would land on their feet, and they were naturally haughty.
The end
Charitable Giving in Times of Crisis
Knuckle sandwich? Bad. Ham sandwich? Good.
I’m sick today so I am just re-using something I wrote a long long time ago, but which has been more relevant when our son was diagnosed with cancer. Its a little off-the-cuff but I think it should do. A lot of times when you see someone in pain around you, there’s a lot of wanting to help, and a lot of not knowing how. This also applies to like, just wanting to do something for your neighbors and stuff. What’s really useful to people? I don’t know.
If you plan to give, give in a way that minimizes obligation; “buy yourself a toy or treat with this” or some similar sort of statement. I think for people with really highly developed consciences, there can be a feeling of “I’ll let people down if I don’t use this gift to its maximum effectiveness!” and so untargeted giving can actually be a source of stress. So some sort of note relieving any kind of stupid anxieties the people in crisis might be having can be a big relief- and if someone is going through a crisis their anxieties might be really irrational.
Reduce expectations for things like “hey, I'll come hang out and keep you company, and if you want we can talk about it, or about distractions, or we can just sit in silence”, not necessarily that company would even be good and desirable for everyone, but the point is that when you do something you want to maximize their space. Part of effective sympathy is pre-empting irrational anxieties like “they are judging me for crying”.
One thing about meals is that, at least for us, we end up with tons of leftovers. In most cases something that is immediately ready to eat, junk food, or fast food creates the least clutter, dishes, and stress. I know in times of crisis I haven’t had the energy to get out a pot and cook something- even though it would have been an incredible meal.
“is there anything I can do?” I don’t know but I’m certainly not going to feel comfortable asking you for stuff, coming up with a couple of concrete suggestions and presenting them instead as “I would like to do this for you” takes the social and intellectual load off of the person in their time of stress. They probably still won’t be comfortable accepting your offer, people rarely are, just a pride thing, but you’ll get a lot better response with initiative, if you’re sincere about wanting to help them.
The Worst Curses
Tin Foiled Again
Have you ever felt like cursing someone, but didn’t want to curse them too much? Like you wished them misfortune, but didn’t want to go too far, because they didn’t really inconvenience you too much, so you just need something sort of mild to make it even? Consider our Duckstack line of designer curses:
Pockets always inside out
Shoelaces come untied abnormally easily
Shoes corrode over time
Food in the fridge goes rotten 1 day earlier
autocorrect changes it to the wrong word every once in a while
(Women only) prevent the loss of 1 pound per month
What the HECK is a thermometer
Thermometers, in my opinion, know too much
A thermometer is, ostensibly, an instrument for telling the temperature, much as a clock is an instrument for telling the time. From this we discern that time and temperature are inseparably related- when the time goes up, the temperature does also. This is why it is hottest at the highest number in the day6. In fact, I would go so far as to falsely claim that time and temperature are the same thing- When you cook things, its like sending them back in time, less close to expiration. In Deserts, time seems to go slower, but in winter, the days are shorter. Are thermometers magic? Demons? We’ll be monitoring the situation closely.
HSITROY
My wife is Juicing. I mean grapes, not steroids.
Jethro has had a lot of tantrums this week, perhaps we have all been feeling poor. But one of the things he does is he has like a really considerate heart so he won’t like hit or scream or anything but he’ll go throughout the house and like passive aggressively lock all the doors because he knows that’s something he’s not supposed to do but he doesn’t want to actually make anyone’s lives worse. Its sweet, I think. But the first time he did it we were like “…What are you …doing?” as he just busily goes around locking all the doors while pouting
My current job expires sometime soon, and I told Jethro that I can’t really take him to the arcade and stuff because we don’t know where our next paycheck is coming from. He asked what he could do so I was like “well, you can pray and ask our Father to help us get a job so throughout the week Jethro has just spontaneously been bursting into prayer “Heavenly father, please help papa get a job, in the name of Jesus Christ amen” whenever he thinks of the arcade I guess.
Jethro also cut his hair (which had just started growing back from the chemotherapy). So now his hair is all patchy and silly. Whatever, saved me 20 bucks.
Walked in to the bedroom this week to find the toddler smacking mama over the head with a pokemon card repeating “I choose da mama!” over and over again
Got the boys push pops (a kind of lollypop thing) as a treat this week, and Jethro was like “here let me open it for you!” and extending his hand and his brother thought he wanted his candy, so he was like “no!” and then my wife was like “Well I’m an adult, I could open it for you!” and reached out her hand in offering and the poor toddler was like “Nooo mama wants my candy too!” and I didn’t know what was going on so I offered too and the toddler was like holding his push pop over his head away from all these hands reaching for him, just heroically defending his push pop from everyone who wanted to open it for him
HoHoHoOScopes
Its that time of year again. Christmas!
Naughty - You will get coal in your stocking.
Nice - You will get presents in your stocking. Maybe an orange or something.
Scripture Readings
A selected assortment of readings for your viewing pleasure.
And behold, Mosiah wanted to give the kingdom to his kids, but they said they would rather get hit on by princesses, so they did.
And when Zeezrom had heard the words of Amulek, he began to tremble exceedingly. Vibrating back and forth at just, incredible speed. The molecules of his body just flopping around like Jell-o. This is what happens when you feel like someone can read your mind.
The kingdom of heaven is like unto a pearl of great price. Like a lot of money. Super ritzy. Glam. But like, spiritual.
What man among you, if your child asks for bread, would stone him? Consider lilies. God is like that.
A piercing, haunting, echoing: “Quack”
You can still fall into a vat of radioactive waste if you want to, I’m not here to stop you.
I’m here to Duckstack.
I lied I’ll tell you lots of things. I tell you lots of things every week.
scientists are absolutely messing with us.
“but bob, it is also cold at night” yes but this is simply because you do not understand negative numbers, which night runs on.