Less Headless
You don't know what you don't know, until you do
There’s no business like duckstack business
At last, a Tuesday Duckstack. But will it remain?
You wake up. You’re in an unfamiliar room. The walls are white, and the furniture is white, and there are no doors. If you were a normal person you might be inclined to panic, but you are far from a normal person. Because you read The Duckstack1, you know not to panic. You also know many skills which may or may not be useful in this sort of a situation. However, none of that will be necessary. In actual fact, this room which you appear to be locked in is a figment of your imagine, a mass delusion brought on by your reading this paragraph. There are possibly hundreds of readers in the room with you, but they forgot to imagine you and vice versa until just now. In fact, this room is rather crowded, until it is very large. Within this very large room, there is no escape, but all of you have a secret weapon: The power to read2. And unfortunately for your captors, this room contains Duckstacks. Look, there’s a door. You walk out of the room. You’re back on your couch or bed or whatever, reading this paragraph, safe and sound. They can’t get you, because you’re a reader of The Duckstack. That’s the kind of value we provide. Tell your friends.
Duckstack Science: A Fish Out of Water
That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for fishkind
We’ve heard the phrase “like a fish out of water”, but is it true? What are fish out of water, exactly? This is something we’ll need to find out if the English language is to make any progress in the 21st century3.
Gizmo, our intrepid goldfish, assisted our top Duckstack Scientists this week in observing the effects of different possible water substitutes for swimming. We got a lot of good data, which we present to you now.
Orange Juice: goldfish in orange juice are able to swim but not breathe, possibly due to citric contamination in the lungs. However, there was no sign of the horrible disease called Scurvy, therefore orange juice baths may be a viable countermeasure for the recent plague.
Lava: Gizmo did not like lava.
Air: Air appears to be insufficiently dense for goldfish to swim in, as Gizmo fell right back into the lava. Perhaps by supplementing drag using a kite or something similar, air might be rendered more suitable for regular swimming, but as it stands this probably isn’t viable for the average household.
Helium gas: Through a filtered return system, Gizmo’s tank was drained and filled with helium. Helium was not found to be buoyant enough to swim in, despite being lighter than air, and Gizmo fell to the ground. However, his voice went really high pitched, which may have industrial, military, or otherwise non-swimming applications.
Blind Obedience
Is Backseat Driving a virtue? Lets see what the passenger has to say.
Once upon a time there was a superhero named Solomn. He was Solomn-man and went on many adventures, defeating levity villains and ironic criminals4. But Solomn-man was a vigilante superhero and his relations with the police were not always easygoing. Eventually they struck a deal: “Don’t kill anyone. If you kill murderers, you’re no better than they are.” Solomn-man thought this was stupid, because killing bad guys is obviously not the same thing as killing good guys, but he said “sure okay whatever” end quote.
One day the police asked for his help dealing with the dangerous Tren de Aragua gang that was assaulting the city. Solemn-man said “sure okay whatever” and went to fight them, and when he found them he found that they were bad hombres and killed them all even though he could have easily tied them up and deported them. The police saw this and said “dude, what gives?” and Solemn-man said “look, do you know how much I do for you? Do you know who I am? Do you know how much I give for this city?” and the police said to him “to obey is better than to sacrifice.”5
This isn’t an analogy about the recent judicial fiasco, its an analogy about George Washington, who was assuredly not a prophet and was assuredly a fallible man, and the people said of Jesus Christ himself “is this not Joseph and Mary’s son, who we know?6”. Or rather “you say you’re God? Come on, we watched you grow up.” They couldn’t take him seriously because a prophet is not without honor except in his own country. And yet George Washington’s soldiers really should have followed him anyway, faults and all.
The problem with Solemn-man’s insubordination is not that he is wrong about killing gang members being moral, its that its untrustworthy.
When you are trying to solve a coordinated action problem, then you really need everyone to be on the same page. The question of “most efficient solution” is naturally inferior to this- if you have a bunch of people working towards one goal poorly, and a different group working towards dozens of different goals with decent efficiency, the aligned group is going to accomplish more even if they’re all doofuses, generally, and if their leader gets them to work towards their one goal decently efficiently, they’re going to outcompete even a maximally efficient individual. That’s just how cooperation works.
This is to say nothing of vision and Chesterton’s fence. Zealous newcomers often stumble when trying to lead because they often do not see why things are the way they are. If Solemn-man’s police had an entrapment scheme or informants or even planted agents among the gang, even if the hero’s principles were correct, they are rendered bad or even evil by circumstance, which he may not be privy to and lets be honest probably didn’t even think about. He should have at least asked what the reason for the rule was. Maybe they wouldn’t tell him because its classified. That wouldn't justify him though.
I’ve got a toddler and we spend most of our time trying to convince him that his life would be easier if he would just listen to us. “if you would focus and put on your shoes when we asked, you would be at the park right now.” “I told you if you balanced on that you could fall.” “if you hit your sister she will not want to hang out with you.” “there are things we could afford if you would finish potty training so that we could stop buying diapers.” We’re not totally magnanimous in everything we say obviously but since we’re in a very tight environment here as a family peace from obedience to us often has desirable third order effects for him- we’ll have more energy to play with him, if nothing else. Since we’re good parents, we try to explain to him and connect the dots on how and why we ask him for things, but even if we didn’t his life would be better if he listened.
Under anarchy, low level resources are maximized- everyone gets to do things how they want. But anything that requires or even benefits from having other people helping towards it is not served by a wild “you do you, I do me” attitude.
Some people are intelligent and empathetic, and if you put two anarchists of such temperment in a room they are able to quickly negotiate everything to the same page, but most people aren’t like this. (Ever tried to live with a roommate?) and some people are extreme outliers. What do you do with someone who prefers to just steal things? Someone who understands its wrong, understands how it affects people, and just says “yeah but I want it so I’m going to steal.” You don’t know the negative repercussions of any single instance of stealing, refraining from stealing is “blind obedience”, but it is on little common acceptances of principles like “don’t steal” that society is made.
In Anime a common trope is the samurai who serves an unjust master. In the Japanese mind, this is an extremely honorable thing, and this trope is almost never subverted. The samurai would never betray even for gold, his life, or individuality, and by this his trustworthiness is established. By contrast, a mercenary is always for sale to the highest bidder, and so they are not plausible for anything that requires real commitment or risk. Sure this is an appendage to humility, but what we find is that the disloyal are also prone to betrayal, and betrayal is much more damaging than mere mistakes.
When Christ was asked who his disciples are, he said “the ones who hear my voice”, “the ones who keep my commandments”, the ones who follow him. Jesus did not often explain himself, and in fact spoke in parables specifically to conceal his meanings. Those who followed him were the obedient. As is a common pattern in the scriptures, they really had some uncertainty, until Jesus actually rose from the dead and appeared to them. As the Book of Mormon says “ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” What God wants from us is what I want from my toddler- a house that’s in order, because the children in it are obedient, so that I can spend more time on what really matters, both to me and to them. It isn’t possible if you can only be counted on to listen when you agree with something, and honestly that wastes a lot of time.
Now the obvious objection to all this is “what about bad leaders?” which I really haven’t fully addressed, and won’t, but I can address a little bit: nobody is expected to swear blind obedience to every little principle. God teaches us “line upon line, precept upon precept”, and it is by obedience to the best light which we have that more light will be unlocked. “thou hast been faithful in a few things, I shall make thee a steward over many things.” Some leaders are legitimately bad, but God refines their actions and gives them his blessing. Some leaders are genuinely bad but they have correct authority, and so coordinating under them ends up superior to anarchy. Some leaders are bad but not worth fighting, and some leaders are bad but will grow. Most causes you choose before putting your hat in the ring, and no cause requires “universal obedience”. Even within the church (or military), a person’s stewardship is limited7. Being part of a greater organization has never meant borg assimilation- its meant taking your own talents, and contributing within the scope of the organization’s goals.
Its everywhere in the scriptures if you know where to look. “Just listen to me! Just shut up and listen to me!” God is a dad.
Aesop’s Fables: Snow White and the Seven Giants
A parable or something
Once upon a time there was a goth girl who wore makeup to make her face very pale. It was really unusual at the time because she lived in a fantasy fairy medieval kingdom, and goths hadn’t really caught on yet. Her parents hid her in a tower because she was cursed by an evil witch (also a goth) (jealous), and she was undersocialized. To escape her family, she ran into the forest where she found a tiny cabin with a really tall door. Inside the cabin were seven giants. Like really tall. why are they so tall? Hows the weather up there? Anyway the giants were nice to her but not her type, so she ate an emo-apple (provided courtesy of the witch, who had pretended to be her friend in typical high school fashion) and the apple was black which is why she ate it, even though she knew it would put her to sleep, because the witch said getting put to sleep was good as a form of intrasexual competition. The chick fainted, hoping when she woke up again she wouldn’t be surrounded by incels. The giants looked after her in her sleep, and then a normal guy came up and kissed her before stabbing her through the heart because she slept with her arms crossed and he thought she was a vampire. As she died, she said “I only feel alive when I am dying”, because she was a goth. This just goes to show how women love bad boys, so keep this in mind next time you go on a date.
History
many tantrums over the wrong cup color
“Soda is bad for your teeth. But good for your tongue.”
“cows say moo, sheep say sheep sheep sheep sheep.” “what do you say?” “I just talk.”
My wife played hide and seek with the toddler. He kept hiding in the exact same place every time. When my wife was hiding, he would call out “I don't know where you are.” And she would call out back. “That's the game! you're supposed to find me!” And then he would ask if she was outside and she would be like “try the kitchen” and he would be like “she’s not in the kitchen!” and she’s like “uh I’m pretty sure”
The toddler is learning a lot about babies from his sister. He was playing pretend with a baby doll, and he started feeding the doll toilet paper
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Are we qualified to be the judge of this? We don’t see anyone else volunteering.
“No you don’t understand I was only stealing ironically” this would probably work in california
1 Samuel 15:22And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
John 6:42“And they said, Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? how is it then that he saith, I came down from heaven?”
For example, in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, a bishop cannot receive revelation for an individual (except upon request or ordinance, as in a blessing). His ‘keys’ only extend to the management of his ward, and sustaining him only needs to go so far as his keys pertain to.