War More Warbler
Do not feed tanks bread, it is actually unhealthy for them and can make them very sick
Step on a crack break your mother's Duckstack. It was her favorite, you better buy her a new one1.
We've been losing a lot of Official Duckstack Paper Boys recently, so due to rising costs we have begun equipping them with belt fed duckstack machine guns and belt fed duckstack rocket launchers also2, the pigeons and the meteorites didn't work out but, truly we live in perilous times. We call on all Duckstackers to help keep the paper boys safe:
Build a bunker, foxholes, and other ramparts around your house, composed of duckstacks.
Dig a moat and fill it with horseradish sauce
Make a bunch of scarecrows out of duckstacks.
Stock up a lot of water bottles for the paperboys, in case they get hungry34.
There’s nothing worse than coming into work with a mauled up paperboy, barely clinging to life as he waits for you to bring him another stack of papers to continue on his route. Its bad for morale, efficiency, and I imagine his health, though I’m not a doctor. We appreciate your efforts, and our paperboys always stand at the ready. If you find yourself needing an emergency Duckstack, ring the bell included in your Duckstack Subscribers Survivalist Kit (collectors edition) and your needs will be met with the classic Duckstack efficiency you’ve come to know and love.
Curses
tin foiled again
The sin of babel was trying to reach heaven in a way other than the appointed way. It wasn’t because they posed some sort of a threat to God. They were destroyed because they were posing a threat to each other.
I have been thinking a lot about Curses of God. We know from the scriptures and by personal experience that God loves us, and is merciful, so much so that he would send Jesus Christ to die for our sins, to give us a chance to return after all we’ve done. So what’s up with God cursing people?
Genesis 3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;
18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
God cursed the ground for thy sake. Adam and his children needed to learn something.
The curse of Eve:
16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children5; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
It is no coincidence women are attracted to hard working men! The man is actualizing his curse of Adam, he is wielding the resistance it generates to grow his muscles. He is a man on track to Godliness, and any woman of character wants a partner who will help her get to that destination, in the exact same way a man wants a woman who will help him get to that destination. There is exceptions and muddiness in this of course, it just explains the impulse.
I have also noticed an obsession among the human race of circumventing the curse of Adam, (or the curse of Eve for women,,). A raging despair for shortcuts, exemptions, there is a type of person who lives for the feeling that he is “tricking” nature, pulling one over on the universe. Cheating on the game all his peers are playing fairly probably makes him feel competent and high status, but you will observe this type of person quickly develops multiple neuroses, and becomes unpleasant if not harmful to those around them. If you succeed at negating a curse through your own will, you will also negate all the blessings that would have been yours compensatory to the curse!
The first curses in the Bible hit the whole human race, but curses after that are specific. But its always for your benefit. This includes times when knowledge of God is withdrawn from a person, people, or group6. Knowledge enables growth, but it also condemns to much greater failures. Knowledge entails risk! And there are always times when lower risk is the better option. This is most prominent in children, who you do not let wander in the road not because they cannot walk out of the way of a car but because they might not know to. Then when they grow a little more in their knowledge of “how cars work” it becomes gradually safer to open up privledges for them. But that’s the point of rules, commandments, God’s law. He’s a perfect parent you know, and we’re supposed to emulate him.
This also means you can’t curse someone unless you have their benefit in mind. I watched this cheesy old “how to have a happy family” movie the church put together once, and it is actually pretty good and I would recommend you watch it but a part that has stuck with me for years was when one of the psychologists (this was back before real psychology was made illegal) was drawing a line between discipline and punishment, which they put simply as “Discipline is because you want to help, and punishment is because you’ve been hurt.”
When God does things, its always for your benefit. You don’t learn some lessons without some serious trauma, after all. That’s why we’re here on Earth, isn’t it? If you are under a curse, it means God has put up a fence for you to keep you from falling off some cliff, and you should thank him for it, and lean into it, and try to learn whatever lessons he wants you to learn fast because curses suck.
Duckstack Weapons
Weaponized Duckstacks, what will they think of next
Duckstack Engineers have been really cranking things up lately, and we’re pleased to bring you this modest lineup of hip new weapons, never before seen, because I just made them up.
First up, we’ve got Death Soap (patent pending). Some soaps are naturally a bit corrosive, but we thought, why not increase it 900x? Imagine, you are in a life or death situation with a mugger, and you pull out Duckstack Soap, pull the wand out and unleash a spray of bubbles at your attacker. In his confusion he will let you get away, and then the bubbles will start popping, unleashing acidic death upon everything around him. This stuff chews holes in concrete in under a minute! It also is extreeeeeemely effective soap. You just gotta wash it off real quick.
The Chamberpot: Some castles used to pour boiling water and stuff on people approaching the wall, and we froze it. That’s right, its a chamberpot of freezing water, for all your rampart needs. Its just ice, and its heavy, which I think will be more effective than just splashing some silly boiling water on people. Plus, it makes a satisfying *clunk* sound on impact! It will also keep your drink cool in a pinch, the only challenge is getting it to fit in your cup. I don’t doubt you at all though.
Playing Cards: Traditionally, playing cards are used as weapons for gambling, a type of duel involving (if you’re a sucker) random chance! We found playing cards are not useful for impact without heavy modification such as flame thrower and boxing glove springy fist attachments, which got in the way of their household uses7. So we have instead devised a system where you make contracts by playing card games of chance, thus improving on the old model. Because the details of the contract are dependent on any number of factors, you never know what sort of a contract you're actually signing until the game is over! We predict this will be an excellent weapon in self defense and cold war situations, and we've even got a keychain model which will allow women to keep a deck of their cards on their person easily at all times, allowing them to ruin their would be mugger both legally and financially. They'll never stand a chance.
HISTORY
He still sleeps with his nerf guns, in case anyone was keeping track
We told the kid to not poke holes in the wall. His response? “I can’t.”
The kid is, I imagine, training to be an army sabateur or something, based on his new technique of asking us for cheese slices and then deciding not to eat them and instead to just booby trap places with it.
Our house has been egged (by our chickens8), this means war.
Experimenting with the toddler (who doesn’t know a lot about physics), this week I pointed a bicycle pump right at him and aerated him.
We bought some solar powered fairy lanterns and hung them on the tree out front and its absolutely magical.
Attended a family hot dog eating contest, which the toddler won. I then took a shower and got the campfire smoke off me with campfire ash bodywash.
We found some very cute infant mice in our shed, which we fed to our chickens9. We are training our chickens for war (against mice).
Wife told the kid “Not so much, we don’t want you to fill up on chocolate” and the kid was totally shocked, confused, and concerned. Slowly he looked up and said: “Chocolate’s bad?”
Did a fun little service project where we packed a quarter million mac and cheese meals for the needy, so make a note that there is apparently a highly abnormal demand for mac n cheese right now.
these belts are very versatile
If they get thirsty too, I suppose they could drink them too
Seems a bit gruesome for me though
1 Timothy 2:15But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. (NIV) (because I’m lazy and using a sinful version of the bible is not harmful here)
The person of excommunication is to save the soul of the accused.
Such as using playing cards to wash your dishes. They are not very exfoliating, but if you ruin one you have a pack of 52 so they come with the most spares for your buck in my opinion.
my wife is ecstatic
There’s some video games where you can raise your “affinity” stat with certain characters and if you have a high enough affinity you can unlock new questlines because that character likes you, or they’ll join your party to fight the final boss or stuff. My estimation is feeding our chickens mice raised our affinity with them by 8 whole points, each
Recently I was thinking that the Tower of Babel exemplifies the same sin as King David conducting a national census (2nd Samuel 24:1-17) which is that humans are always chasing CONTROL.
Some areas of life are meant to be trusted to God, thru Faith.