Storage Porridge
What's all the oatmeal for in your storage unit? "later".
With great power, comes great Duckstacks.
Readers, The Duckstack is moving up in the world. In fact1, at this point I would estimate we have at least one subscriber2, which means we are now a mainstream newsletter, up there with the New York Times and The Daily Herald and The Planet. We figure we’re just as respectable as them now. This is pretty great news! We had all our Duckstack Scientists and Duckstack Engineers give themselves a big round of applause, and a pay raise.3
So, what does this mean for you?
Well, in addition to the extensive list of titles The Duckstack affords you, you can now also count yourselves as “An Influencer”. Sounds kind of sneaky, doesn’t it? This one is for the real rogueish types, who like pulling the puppet-strings from the shadows, or delivering gentle psychic nudges to alter the course of history. An Influencer can take ideas in The Duckstack and push them where they’ve never gone before4. However, using this title is a pandora’s box- This power can easily prove too great. Let us examine some scenarios:
John enters the new cupcake shop that just opened down the street, to find a heavyset aproned and quite beleaguered Slavic woman doing her best to churn out cupcakes as fast as she can to meet the demands of war. John tells her she should make him a cupcake, free, since he is a prominent influencer for The Duckstack.
This is incorrect. John is not a prominent influencer for The Duckstack. I do not even know who John is. John does not even appear to have a last name. Furthermore, John runs the risk of advocacy, because should the heavyset aproned and quite beleaguered Slavic woman oblige him, he now has formed a contract and has incurred obligations. These obligations draw valuable time and resources, imperiling his other Duckstack duties. Lets try again:
John “freewheeler” Smith III enters the new cupcake shop that just opened down the street, to find a heavyset aproned and quite beleaguered Slavic woman doing her best to churn out cupcakes as fast as she can to meet the demands of war. John “freewheeler” Smith III tells her he is his favorite influencer for The Duckstack, and pulls out the four inch stack of papers he carries with him everywhere. From the top, John “freewheeler” Smith III hands her a printed copy of his favorite Duckstack article.
Do you see the difference? You can really feel the charisma radiating from John “freewheeler” Smith III in this second example. He has influenced the woman’s opinion positively, and has run effectively no risks. Danger is kept to a minimum, while class is maximized. John “freewheeler” Smith III, That is how its done!
Lets give him a hand!
Aspirating
We’re told power corrupts but if we’re being realistic a lot of people seem to manage that on their own just fine.
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, there are a lot of opportunities for what is broadly called “Leadership”. Most of these positions, much like the real world, are mostly paperwork, but some do come with some moderate hypothetical5 influence over other people’s actions. Ideally, giving the opportunity to learn how to "lead", which is important because everyone in the church is going to have to lead their family someday and you need the practice working with people. However, while I was serving a mission, it was common to hear missionaries deriding those who "aspired to leadership", and I would like to refute this.
First of all, politics demonstrates that the demand for leadership far exceeds the supply. You will find everywhere in your life that everyone wants power but few want to put in the work to be worthy of it6. So the Elders in my mission were in a way right to criticize the strivers, because most of them wanted power without responsibility, as is the vice of all of God's children. A lot of the strivers were about as Potemkin goofballs as any modern politicians. However, Joseph Smith was asked about this once.
“Is ambition a true principle?” he was asked, and he went and prayed, and eventually came back and said something to the effect of “yes, if done with single purpose of heart to the benefit of your fellow man.” (Note that this does not refer to Callous Altruism, you don’t get morality points for agreeing with contributing to systems, you have to actually care.) Of course callings in the church are more or less “random”, so its not like you can just campaign for high status positions and get the role, but something you can do is humble yourself before God and try to increase your competence. Humility is very important here, because there are all kinds of evils that come from taking yourself too seriously, and because you might in arrogance try to wedge yourself somewhere you don’t fit, or, more commonly, into a mediocre fit when God would have made a lot more out of your life if you had been willing to hear him out.
But self deprecation is not honest humility, it is a satanic counterfeit. True humility involves acknowledging your strengths as well, and seeking to amplify them7. See, if you don't try to get into positions that maximize your strengths, those positions will still have to be filled, but it will almost always be by people who can't do as good a job as you. Sometimes the casualties here are pretty minor, say, a slightly uglier painting, but it can also mean people being actually hurt because someone was in a position over them but had less discernment than you would have had. In other words, if you have gifts from God, you are obligated to use them.
This can be terrifying if you have the opposite of the striver temperament: Accepting any power, anywhere, ever, means you could be the one hurting people. In fact, in a fallen world, its a foregone conclusion. Analysis paralysis; Risk aversion; is it not tempting to “remain small”? It is8. This is a common vice to mankind, but this is the meaning of "outer darkness" in the scriptures. I think in these cases it would be valuable to ask yourself if you have ever been like, “at least I would have known that was wrong and would have at least tried to mop up the mess”. Personally I try to do even more than that, and I hope that eventually I get practiced enough that I become really good at mopping up messes.
I believe God's entire work is to "enlarge us", as much as he can, as much as we'll let him. If he can, he’ll inflate us like giant leadership balloon until our gravity well sucks everything in and our goodness rubs off on others. We become better, so that we can better others, so that we can cascade and edify all humanity9. That is the fate of a child of a God- the potential to grow up like dad.
In a way, this philosophy is explanatory for a lot of my life. Sure, someone else could write their own Duckstack, but would it be as good? I did the math, and I just couldn’t chance it.
I deeply hope you enjoy yourself.
Video Games
They’ll consume you if you let them
Once upon a time a company came out with a new state-of-the-art video game/VR system, but on launch day a fluke power outage trapped a sizeable portion of people inside the video game. Societal efforts to get them out of the game were met with failure, and it was determined that the only way out was to beat the game. This was terrifying, since if you died in the game you would die in real life. Luckily, due to the hot new trend of practicing AGILE game development, the game devs had only cooked the first .05% of the game because they figured they’d just add more content in “patches” so completing the game was really easy and everyone got out pretty much instantly. The End.
History
It is the solemn testimony of the undersigned that we have learned by hard experience that The Arc of History with kids bends towards cuteness
“I think that's ENOUGH hugs” fool, I decide when the hugs have been enough
A vitamin was not eaten and instead got stuck to a yoyo. We learned this when from the backseat our kid had this conversation: “mama we needa get this off” “uhh ok when we get home” “mama, its super yummy! I think we should keep it on the yoyo forever!”
Our kid also has a bit of wisdom10: every pumpkin needs a face, and every man needs a juicer.
The kids got a backpack and periodically just appears next to us with it on and full of random stuff and tells us “I'm ready to go!”
It is canning season11 in the duck house, so our kitchen is about chest high full of mason jars filled with various liquids and science experiments which you have to wade through if you want to get to the fridge, which we have to do pretty often so that we can get a refreshing glass of apple juiced. This means the kids are more or less quarantined because the toddler at least is slightly more curious about fire and glass than we are strictly speaking comfortable with. I think we will be done soon though, we've almost cleared the sink enough to start washing dishes.
Shirt Facts
print these on a shirt
Our Duckstack Ecologists got lost this week and ended up in a clothing factory, and instead of our scheduled animal facts they have given me this list of shirt facts to publish in lieu of an apology.
TEE SHIRT: The only genus of shirt named after a letter of the alphabet, ancient victorian nobility would wear this style of shirt when having “T parties”, which were small informal gatherings to drink and hang out together, which is why Tee Shirts are the most casual of shirts today.
GRAPHIC TEE SHIRT: originally, T parties included all sorts of drinks, including alcohol, which led to some extremely violent altercations, which led to the classic alterations this subspecies of Tee Shirt often displays. After that, T parties were restricted to nonalcoholic beverages, and graphic tees were restricted mostly to the disagreeable sort that gets into barfights.
Polo Shirt: This classic shirt sports two buttons at the top and a fake collar which cannot be used to put a leash on nor does it identify its owner, however these vestigial submissive functions remain a popular way to signal that you are nonthreatening in work environments.
Button Down: These shirts can come in many varieties, from formal to flannel, and their collars mostly still work for holding ties, if not actual leashes. The benefit of this type of shirt is that it can be both donned and removed without messing up your hair, which lends its unique utility to more formal occasions.
Sports Jersey: More convenient than branding. These shirts are hypothetically comfortable, which I think comes from knowing you have a good master who will take care of you.
Henley: if you imagine a polo shirt with way too many buttons, that will put you very close to the Henley. Unlike its many cousins, Henleys have fully divested themselves of a collar, revealing the owner to be a free man, a man who determines his own fate, a man who has too many buttons.
Sweatshirt: Thick shirts for thick people, sweatshirts are the swiss army knife of shirts. They have strings, they have a hat, they have pockets, they’re warm, and the hat is adjustable. With a sweatshirt by your side, you’ll be ready for everything but warm weather, which led to the invention of the undershirt:
Undershirt: A thin shirt worn underneath whatever else you’re wearing, this shirt usually stays invisible or adds only a very little to your daily fashion and look, but it adds a whole lot to your daily feel, since it forms a barrier between you and the world, but more importantly a barrier between you and any scratchy and uncomfortable materials any of the more sporty shirts happen to be made from. With an undershirt and a sweatshirt, you will have a truly invincible pair.
Tank-Top: In ancient times, the penalty for wife beating was to lose the benefits of having a wife by having your fashion stripped from you. If you read the bible you will see people rend their garments for similar reasons, the point is that when you lose your fashion you’ve also lost something deeply personal to you. When you see someone in a tank top, it means they are in mourning, and you should reach out to console your brother.
Long Sleeve Shirt: The shirt factory ran out of names, but this ultramodern shirt has no unique traits whatsoever. Long sleeve shirts scream “my forearms are freezing!”. This is what everybody thinks when they see anyone in a long sleeve shirt.
Full disclosure, I do not know what a “fact” is. We will examine this in a later issue.
I do not spend a lot of energy on estimating accurately to be completely honest
Duckstack employees pay themselves out of their own pocket. We are so thankful for their work.
Check underneath your chair. Bet The Duckstack has never gone there, huh?
D&C 121:41No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
Thus God commanded Adam: It is by the sweat of your brow that you shalt eat. Man must be forced into worthiness by circumstance.
Matthew 25:14-30 not gonna quote the whole thing
D&C 132:17For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are angels of God forever and ever.
Galatians 5:9A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump.
Luke 13:19 It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it.
20 And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God?
21 It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened.
FROM THE VITAMIN?!???
Spring, Summer, Canning, Fall, Winter. All ecologists know this.